Not sure what to do anymore???

[Becks23]

My boyfriend and I recently split up due to him not being happy.. I've posted about this before and been told I'm better off without.. I do believe this is true as he hurt me badly and carried on even tho we had finished.. I saw him out on Friday night and we ended up talking.. General chit chat and nothing more.. A friend of our's came up to us and said to him, don't you think it's about time she knows the truth and she walked off.. I asked him about this and he said it was nothing.. I left things like that and carried on enjoying myself with my mates.. I couldn't stop thinking about what she had said so I phoned him on Monday even tho we've had no contact for a while now.. Anyway, it turns out that him and her (my so called friend) have slept together on more than one occasion.. I can't believe it.. He told me it happened awhile ago now and that he has regretted it ever since.. He was drunk and it was a mistake! Blah blah blah.. I can't seemed to get him out of my mind.. I can't stop thinking about him and her and I wonder what things would be like if we got back together.. I know he has hurt me even more than before by sleeping with a friend but I just can't stop thinking about him..

 

Can anyone give me some advice or if someone has been in the same situation, talk to me about what they have done!

 

I need some help coz I'm going crazy!!

[RayKay]

Awww, sweetie, that sucks!

 

And it was EXTREMELY tasteless of her to have "confronted" you and him like that in such a way. It would be one thing to tell him privately maybe you should know..but ugh, she has little class!

 

I think the only thing you CAN do is keep moving on and healing. This does hurt I am sure, but maybe it also will give you more motivation to leave him in the past and move on. I'd leave her back there too. There are better friends out there, as well as better boyfriends!

 

It always can hurt if you are still healing to find out an ex is sleeping with someone else, but it can also give you more of a push to move on and not look back at someone whom can easily "move on" to someone else.

 

You'll be fine, I promise.

[kellbell]

Becks, I am so sorry about your situation. (((hugs)))

Take a step back and really think about this, do you really want to get back together with him or is it a case, you want what you can't have. There is a big difference and sometimes when you are filled with so much emotion, it can be difficult to tease apart things.

Would it be better for you to maybe hang in out in places where you won't run into your ex. It seems like you need some time for yourself to really think about what you want and running into your ex and his new "friend" seems to jumble things up for you.

I kind of been in the same situation as you. I just tried to deal with the situation the best way I could and turned to my friends, they are awesome and helped me soooo much. What do your friends think? Have you been spending time with them?

[Becks23]

I have really thought about things between me and my ex.. Sometimes I think about all the good times we spent together and then other time, all I think of is bad.. There is more bad than good and that's why I've tried to ignore the thoughts in my head.. I have tried to go to different places where my ex won't be but it's just not possible.. Whenever I go out on a weekend, it's like he is always there.. I just can't escape from things.. The friend who has slept with my ex is a friend who I see most weekends and we have a drink together and a chat.. She knows about the situation i've been in with my ex so it makes it more hurtful.. I want someone to love me for me and treat me with respect but I just can't seem to find people who will respect me and care for me.. I'm so down with myself tho and I can't seem to get the thoughts and feeling out of my head.. Thanks for the advice so far guys.. Please keep chatting to me.. It's helping more than you realise..

 

Thanks for the hugs kellbell xx

[kellbell]

Hey your welcome. Well, I wouldn't hang out with this girl anymore, how awkward!! It's kind of an unspoken rule, ladies do you agree, that friends don't sleep with your friends' exs? Especially right after a break-up?? I don't know, that seems really catty to me.

 

What you wrote, that the times were more bad than good, that screams loud to me. It tells me he is not the one for you and that you deserve better. Kudos to you because it shows you have really thought about things and assessed your situation. I mean relationships take work, but they should not be THAT hard. They become THAT hard when it becomes one-sided. That's no fun.

 

As far as running into your ex all the time, well, I guess you have to put on a brave face and try not to let him get to you. I think as time goes on, the pain gets less and less. I think you had a major set back because of your so-called friend's actions.

 

I think you deserve some pampering, like get a massage, manicure, and a pedicure. It's time to take care of yourself and to treat yourself right. I know this can't be easy for you. Feel free to PM me anytime. Hang in there, try to stay strong.

[RayKay]

Well, if there is/was more bad then good - it very clear that this was NOT the relationship/the man for you. Does not make it EASIER to move on and heal, but it does give you more purpose. A relationship should be enriching, and positive...even when times are rough it should not be something that brings our entire self down as it should be a relationship where even through rough times, there is positive and strength to be found as a couple.

 

As for the friend...not much of a friend I suppose then in the end. I'd stop these weekly meetings with her! That was really shallow and callous of her to not only make sure you found out that way, but to do it in the first place. She should of at least had the guts to tell you herself. Ugh.

 

You WILL find someone whom will love, and respect you...but first you have to love and respect yourself enough to know that man when you meet him. Take your time, heal, make new friends (ones whom will stick by your side), go out and have fun - if your ex shows up, meet other people, or leave and go elsewhere that night - if he shows up there TOO, well that's just creepy!

[Becks23]

Thanks guys.. I've realise that he isn't the one for me and like you say, you will know when the right person comes along.. Most of my friends are supportive and give great advice but sometimes it's nicer and easier to talk to people who don't know me.. I think i've made the right decision but things are just so hard at the moment.. I'm trying to go to new places and meet new people but i'm just stuck in the same place at the moment.. I'm trying to love and respect myself but it's very hard when people crap on you all the time!

 

Kellbell - what's pm you anytime??? Quite new to this lark!!!

 

My thanks to you both!

 

[kellbell]

Don't you ever notice, that doing stuff for your own good is always the hardest thing to do. I mean, it's so easy doing what's right for others or putting others first but when it comes to taking care of ourselves, it's like pulling teeth??

 

BTW, PM means, Private Message me. It's under everyone's screenname. It's gives you a bunch of options.