broken, abandoned, then the ultimate bomb..

[Jjasonn28]

Hey everyone..

 

Just like the title says, Im broken, feel abandoned, and just when I think I cant possibly feel any worse.. she hits me with another bomb.

 

I initiated nc about 5 days ago. It was tough, she called me multiple times, and sent me emails. I caved when she caught up with me on MSN. I didn't want to sign out and ignore her, so we spoke.

Anyhow, after that conversation, which i tried my best to subdue my emotions, (all the while she was flirty) I continued with no contact. Then last night, she called again. I didn't pick up -at first- but I listened to what she had to say.

She was crying. Asking for me to pick up. I thought something was terribly wrong, so I did.

 

She called to tell me that she doesn't think she ever loved me. Yup. Those were her words. She was a wreck. Balling and questioning everything in the past 3 years. So needless to say, I can testify to the fact that a heart CAN be broken, then shattered and stomped on.

 

Dont get me wrong, she didn't call to rub it in. She is seriously having troubles with her emotions atm. She is not spiteful. She is lost. I listened, quietly, and although I wanted to cry harder than I ever have, I kept my composure. I comforted her. Thing is, I dont believe her. I know what love is, and I felt it from her. In fact, I still feel it from her. So here are my questions...

 

Is this normal? She told me that she wants to be alone. Is it simply confusion? I would think that if she is sure that she doesn't love me, and wants to be alone, she would have broken contact herself? I realize she has some issues she needs to deal with. As much as I hurt to be without her, it hurts more to see her suffering, even though SHE ended it.. I am so confused.

 

JP

[teacup]

if she broke up with u, u have no responsiblity to her anymore. you dont have to bother with her. forget her and her emotions. focus on yourself.

 

yeah she has ISSUES dude. and you dont need them.

[Jjasonn28]

Well, I love her completely. She is my best friend. I know that I have no responsibility to her, but in that love I have for her, is the compassions to hurt when she hurts. Really, I only want for her to be happy. Even if it IS without me in life. As much as that hurts. She is not mental or anything. She had really BAD experiences with guys before me. Okay, I havent always been there for her, but we NEVER had any abrasion in the relationship. I like to think that I treated her like she was my princess. We grew apart due to physical and emotional distance... Seeing her like that is tearing the leftover pieces of my heart apart.

[WildChild]

If it comforts you to be there for her, than do so. However, you are putting your already broken heart out on a very thin line. I don't believe she didn't ever not love you. People's emotions race up and down in times of distress and she may have been on the spiral down when she said that. She may have said it to see what kind of a reaction she would get from you. Regardless you posted she stomped on your heart, you don't believe her that she said she never loved you, and you want to be there for her. It is up to you to guard your heart, and if she hurts it in the process then you know it was you that allowed her to

[coooolsome]

Yeah dude, you need to stay away from this one for now. She is unstable right now and you need to do whatever you can so that she cannot think that she made the right decision. If she keeps calling you, tell her that maybe it would be best if you 2 didnt talk for a little while so that you both can clear your heads. She is probably going to keep doing this until you break down and cry and beg and be pathetic so she can feel better about her decision. DONT LET HER DO IT.

 

Trust me, they move on a lot quicker if you allow them to justify their decision. Dont make it easy on her b/c she isnt making it easy on you. If she really loved and cared about you she wouldnt have said those things.

[acuraman]

If you want to be there for her because she is going through some bad times, then you should do what your heart tells you. Even though the two of you are not together, there is no obligations whatsoever. Even though she had put you in a bad situation and said she had never loved you, you were the better person because you know that what you felt was real and you are willing to be there for her, even though she ended the relationship.

 

Im in kinda the same situation as you, and its hard. I too still care about my ex and I am willing to help her out in tough times because deep down inside its the right thing to do.

 

Its good that you didn't get emotional while talking to her on the phone, it takes a lot to maintain composure and I applaud you for that. I wish I could do that.

[sukerbut]

i am another one...things started getting a bad towards the end of the relationship...and she did the same thing...even though she was proffesing her love for me 2 months prior...and begging me not to break her heart..she bust out the i dont love you like you love me line...and this was going to happen regardless..now i felt her love in july ... it was there but i think diffrent situations..made her put a wall up and say what she had to say..i have been implementing no contact for a while...she called monday but i did not pick up..its only been a month and she is all over the place talking to ex's hanging out with them..but waht can i do..she is trying to move on quicker so she does not feel the pain of dumping me. i will keep you posted

[gesssho0o]

What kind of experiences has she had with past relationships? She sounds deeply troubled and lost, as you said.

 

With my now ex, he seems to be lost as well... although I tried to help him and talk about his doubts, I really couldn't be the one to council him and be the girlfriend at the same time; it tore me apart inside because I wanted us to be together yet give objective advice. His last words to me were a desperate plea "Pray for me."

At some point, you have to choose what's best for yourself; yes, you want to be there for her, but if she wants to truly figure things out, she can't go asking for objective advice from the source of her confusion. So give her space and time; maybe she could seek help from others (perhaps even this site! ;-))

[Jjasonn28]

What kind of experiences has she had with past relationships?

 

Her past relationships have pretty much been with the same 'type' of guy. She is a VERY attractive girl. And the guys she was with only saw her for that, and wanted her for that. They were controlling, and very jealous, which in a couple cases lead to horrible arguments, and even a little abuse. I get so angry when I think of anybody treating her this way.

When I first met her, its true, I too was very attracted to her. But it was after we hooked up on a weekend cottage retreat, I fell for her hard. All we did was talk. And within an hour, it felt like we had been best friends forever.

But, yes, we have had tough times. One in particular that she just cant let go of. She was hurt, and needed me, and I wasn't there for her. She KNOWS I didn't intend on hurting her. I never ever would. But she still holds that anger/resentment... She has shielded herself from me, turned a cheek.. Its hurting me, and I know its not doing anything to improve her self esteem, and trust/commitment issues....