Why is NC making me feel worse?

[TheLostBird]

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[Jut]

It just pisses me off that it seems like NC is giving her more power and me less, not the other way around....

 

Its giving her more power coz every time she calls, texts you asnwer. Its bcoz you let her access you and test you. NC means you dont need to answer her, you need to concentrate on yourself. Build a better person out of yourself so that when she sees you or hears about you after some time she doesnt see a needy guy wanting to be with her, she should see a man who is in control of himself and knows what he wants. SHe might come back after a while but you never know, you might have changed by then.

 

Force yourself to workout 2 hours everyday. Force yourself to go to clubs, make sure you hang out with your buddies for the next hiking trip. Get a car wash on the weekend, keep yourself busy to avoid thinking about her.

Flirt around with other women. Doing all these things will make you more confident about yourself, will make you more social and a month down the line you may be here advising some one else to do what you did to stay NC and come out with flying colors.

[coooolsome]

Oh and a word of advice. DO NOT TALK TO THESE MUTUAL FRIENDS. I have a mutual friend that I talk to about her but he doesnt say anything to her. You cannot trust these people right now with your feelings. Plus how dare she get mad at you because you still have feelings for her. What did she think was going to happen? Screw her....show her you are a man and you are not going to take this sort of abuse. NC will be hard but its better in the long run.

 

Do you want to push her away to the point where she wont even talk to you?

[TheLostBird]

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[Echo]

Lost Bird...blow her off the next few times she contacts you...if she does.

Just tell her you can't talk. She'll probably like getting treated like crap....guarnateed.

[kellbell]

Hi there,

 

I am so sorry about everything. Everything is so fresh and because of that random text she sent you about her favorite song, it kind of set you back a little. It's normal. Like another poster mentioned, it might be a good not to talk to your mutual friends for awhile. I would stick to the NC and try to do things for you like going out, working out, etc. Good luck and wishing you all the best.

[TheLostBird]

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[selfi]

I have been broken up with the ex for over a month now and it was a 4 month relationship. sounds short i know, but it was like i was dumped right when it couldnt be more perfect.

 

ANYWAY how about i tell you the outcomes of NOT doing NC. (which i havent since he left)

For about 2 hours today (and also with short bursts in between) i have been crying my eyes out.today i called him on the phone, as usual the conversation starts out wonderfully, we laugh and yada yada. then it comes time to say 'bye' and i ask him if he wants to see me this week. he said no. this brings me to tears, and i spend half an hour on the phone with him crying begging him to see me. this doesnt change his mind and essentially i feel like i have been dumped all over again. he also told me first hand, that all this is doing is pushing me away from him. at this point im still crying so i ask if i can talk to him later on when ive composed myself. he says 'no'. i cry some more, and eventually he gives in, and says he will call me goodnight. this doesnt make me happy, but at the same time i want to hear his voice.

truthfully i feel pathetic, hurt and generally in a wreck.

 

so stay on a roll if uv been doing NC, coz if im anything to go by, its better to wait till they contact you. now i just wish i could take my own advice

[kellbell]

Hi there,

 

Maybe it's not a good idea to peek into her daily blog. This is going to set you further and further away from recovery. It sounds like she is the anger stage of grief. There are 5 stages: denial, depression, anger, bargining, and acceptance. It's a normal thing and there is no particular order in which people experience them. Experiencing these statges is a normal cycle to go through for recovery. Because we have to experience all the emotions and feelings of an ordeal in order to get it all of our systems and come to terms with what happened.

Again, I would stay out her blog for awhile and still continue doing the NC. For your situation and state of mind right now, it is crucial. Take care and wishing you all the best.

[TheLostBird]

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[darkblue]

Do DumpERs go through those stages as well? Remember she left me, so I dont see any reason why she would get angry/depressed/etc...

 

Sometimes the 'dumpers' do feel just as much emotions as the 'dumpee'.

 

They do still have to live without their partner in their lives.

And it is still a change.

A loss of comfort and reassurance.

 

Stay strong.