Do I talk to him about it or just forget it?

[psyche]

I am completely in love with my boyfriend and we have a great sex life. We share an unusual fetish that neither of us realized the other also had until almost a year into our relationship. I'm straight but I think I'm bi-curious (only in a sexual way). Sometimes when I masturbate I think of other girls; none of them are girls that I know, just girls in a general sense. I don't know how my boyfriend would feel if I told him about this. I've never been with a girl but I think I'd like to. He jokes about threesomes sometimes, and it makes me uncomfortable. I'm disgusted by the idea of kissing or having sex with another guy because I love my boyfriend so much, and I would hate the idea of him being with another girl at all. I can't handle the thought of a 3some because I can't handle the idea of him touching another girl, not because I'm afraid of doing it myself. I feel selfish and don't know if I should talk to him about it. I think I would like him to watch me with a girl, but once again, I feel really selfish. These thoughts about other girls only happen occasionally so it's not something I think about a lot or am pursuing. I'm afraid he won't recognize this and that he'll think that I don't love him and want to become a lesbian or something. We go to different colleges and the girl to guy ratio is so bad that I don't think he really doubts that I'm being faithful to him. However, I have some lesbian friends here and I think he would be afraid that I've been cheating on him with one of them. I would never do that because I would never do something that I wasn't sure he was okay with. Besides, I'm not really attracted to them and they all have their own significant others that they love very much. Maybe it really is nothing more than a fantasy? I still think I would like to try it someday... I just don't know how to explain it to him. This is a feeling I don't like because I feel like I can tell him just about anything else. He's my best friend and the only person I've ever told that I was molested by a cousin as a child. My boyfriend is my whole life, my soulmate, and I'm ashamed that I can't talk to him about this.

[JRM]

I think you should talk about it with him. I talk about all of my problems with all of my friends, my girlfriend, etc, and I can tell you, it is much better to have a common understanding than for one or both of you to be unclear on something.

[Dr]

Ok, let me get this right. You want to try with another girl but you don't want him to try with anyone or to even have a threesome with you and some other girl?

 

Yes that is selfish. It's like saying "I can have an affair, but you can't". If your going to try with another woman you should at least share the experience with him so that he can also satisfy his curiosity and sexual desires.

 

Doc

[Dr]

As a side thought, why don't you both just get all your friends together (Friends which you know are clean decent people) and just have an orgy - Then you can both do what you want and not feel bad or guilty.

 

Doc

[ShySoul]

You are not selfish. You are curious about this but at the same time have doubts and reservations. That is perfectly natural.

 

If you are this unsure about it, maybe it is best to live it as a fantasy. Should you actually act upon it, it is likely to cause you a lot of guilt and grief. It will probably be great at the time, but the feelings and problems that are likely to arise later will not be worth it.

 

And an orgy will definitely make things worse.#-o

[Kamue]

dont be ashamed of that. many people are curious about having other relations. if you really wanted to act upon your fantasy, try inviting him to watch. you guys sound like you trust eachother immensly, so something like exploring sexual ideas would probably not hurt your relationship.

a good way to bring it up to him may be to tell him about your fantasy. you dont even have to say you want to go through with it. he may find it really sexy or cute that you have fantasies about women. and if he enjoys talking about it, perhaps he wouldnt mind letting you try it. good luck!

[nsbguy32169]

Any type of 3some or orgy can and will most likely have devastating effects if it's not talked about and planned well if it includes two or more people who love each other. Obviously you are very uncomfortable with him touching other girls. Just leave it as a fantasy for something you can pleasure yourself to, but you two should definitely talk about this so you can understand each other better.

 

"Doc" has obviously had no experience with 3somes or orgies or he would know the devastating effects it can cause in love-filled relationships, including guilt, jealousy, fighting, break ups, ruined friendships, and many more.

 

And another thing. No you're not being selfish. Personally I'm ok with my girlfriend having sex with other women, even more so if I get to watch on our webcams, but that's a different story (one that led to a 3some). Every person is different. I think girl-on-girl action is absolutely beautiful so I'm ok with my girlfriend participating in it, but like I said, that's me. You're gonna have to talk to your boyfriend about this topic to get a clear understanding on how both of you feel.

 

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions

[BlkOnBlkTeg]

Dont be ashamed you cant talk to him about it. If you care that deeply, pour your heart out, not only would he appreciate you coming forward but I'm sure he'd understand if your feelings are mutual. - Goodluck.