How do you keep your relationship from ruling your life??

[spanisheyes]

I've determined that I put way too much energy into my relationships. What I mean by that is that when things are good with my boyfriend, then all is right with the world with me. I'm entergetic, I'm nice, I perform well at work and am overall just happy.

 

When things are bad, my life sucks. I let my house get messy, I yell at my son more, I'm moodier, I slack off at work, etc. Or if we've had a big fight, I call in sick to work.

 

It's like my total day depends on whether or not my boyfriend calls me and how it goes when he does.

 

How do I keep this from ruling my life. I'm sure my dependency itself plays a role in the many problems that we have had. I put so much pressure on things and I am so dissappointed when they don't go the way I want that I throw a fit. I am high maintenace but when I put that kind of pressure on things it's like I'm dooming them to fail....

 

Anyone have any insight ??

[darkblue]

I think you are using emotions as a comfort to your life.

You feel like you need that reassurance of love in order to preform.

 

You have low self-esteem - yes, but I think you already knew that.

 

The remedy is not a quick fix - you must direct your efforts on fiding your life.

You are not just a partner.

 

Do you have many friends?

[RayKay]

It's not that you put too much energy into them, it's that you are co-dependent, so your happiness becomes dependent on someone external to yourself.

 

This could be a mixture of low self esteem, low confidence, inexperience with healthy relationships, lack of individual interests, and so forth.

 

For everyone, if a relationship matters to them, when it's having a rough spot it WILL affect other things, but there is also a line - there is a big difference between slacking off and getting depressed over finding out he may be cheating, than doing so when he did not call until 2 hours after he had said he would....

 

How to overcome? Well, you need to work on your self esteem, and your independent life outside your relationship. Build your friendships with others, pursue activities you get pleasure out of be it running, or photography. Take classes, or volunteer. All these can help you realize that there is more to you then being half of a relationship. And being strong independently, benefits the relationship by bringing more to the other person, more completeness, more partnership. It also helps you realize a BAD relationship when you see it and get out without feeling it is the end of your life as a result!

[ImInLove232]

I actually read about this today....there's an article on overcoming this in the November issue of Cosmopolitan....infact that issue has alot of other important things that every woman in a relationship should know about....def check it out =)

[Itsok]

Do other things besides spend all your time with your bf's.

Have other activities besides just spending time with them.

[annie24]

Boundaries are really important. You have to say to yourself between 8 AM - 5 PM, your focus will be on work, and that is it. Boyfriend or no boyfriend calling. And then when you get home, you focus on cleaning the house and taking care of your son, regardless of whether your boyfriend calls.

 

It's good that you see this as a problem. That's the first step towards correcting things. It's not healthy - to have your boyfriend being the one who determines for you whether or not you have a good day at work.

 

Like the others said - you may want to re-evaluate your relationship, if he's making you feel this insecure. This may not be the right man for you.