im hella sad

[teacup]

dude, i think i have to stop seeing him. this makes me really sad. man i always thought he was the nice good guy at the company we worked at. i used to stop by his cubicle because i loved talking to him, i thought he was nice and stable and staid and nerdy. but i was seeing someone who i knew just wanted sex (well that guy was hot and it was fun messing around). and plus, he was older and white so i never really thought of him in that way.

 

and now i've met him a few times and i like him a lot and im just so sad it has to be this way. i like the way he looks, his pretty blue eyes, his soft fluffy blond hair, even the wrinkles around his eyes, i notice his teeth has cavities but it's weird i accept him anyways for who he is. he wears nerdy sweaters but i dont mind and he likes science fiction and robots and 80's music and i accept that. it's weird how i've started to like blue eyes when i never did before but particularly his.

 

he reads a lot of books and i've never met anyone who loved books as much as me. i grew up reading and most people i know dont even go to the library...i know about his interests and what he likes and i started to learn a little bit about him growing up.

 

when im around him i feel good, i like his hugs, and his affectionate gestures and how he is turned on by me. i like looking into his eyes, and jumping up on him and looking up at him. i like touching his cheek and cuddling on his couch or when he accidentally kicks the cat sitting in the corner. i like his smell and his warmth and his kisses. he doesnt push or pressure me and i feel like i can tell him what i think and feel and that we have open communication. he seems to talk a lot with me, like he is opening up. he told me he likes me a lot, he was always very attracted to me at the company and once he hugged me tightly and told me he misses me. i like watching dvds with him on his couch. i like listening to his boring stories and half paying attention. i like how he tries to be a good person by donating clothes to the hurricane or sending packages to soldiers in iraq or frequenting small shops though he really should start with the people who are around him.

 

i brought him a book of mine to read, a story he said he wanted but wasnt in the collection of stories he bought, and he lent me an author he likes in return that im giving back.

 

there's the things i thought we had in common, rainy thunderstorms, books, cats, ice skating, water, swimming, ancient myths, intellectual pursuits and intellectual interests. that is one of the things i loved about him was that i could talk to him about something i was interested and he would understand what it was. like if i mentioned "evolutionary biology" he would know what i meant if i explained it and with other people i didnt feel that same mental connection. that i would have to explain what it was and even then they might not get it.

 

i miss him walking me to my car at the end of the night and giving me a hug and looking up at him and making plans to meet again.

 

but there's also the things that bother me, that im the one calling him up like before i go over, the 2 emails that he said he never got, and last time at the japanese restaurant where he tried to discourage me from ordering and i believe i deserve to be treated better. there's his drinking......i knew from the very beginning that he has a problem with alcohol, he drinks way too much, though he stops when he's around me because he knows i dont like it. that he doesnt take responsibility for his life and i think that's why he makes so many excuses, not because he is bad or doesnt mean well but because he's not taking responsiblity for himself and his life. the 16 women he's slept with, most from his wild youth he says and only 2 in the past years? the broken family that he comes from and i think he is running away from it. his smooth talking, he has been out in the world so long from a very young age that he knows just the right things to say.

 

and it's weird because i miss him and i like him and i like being with him, and i see his faults and i have to overlook them yet i know i deserve better and im much better off. he is lucky to have me.....i could have sworn he really does like me despite my past concerns about him only wanting sex. i thought he really did, was i wrong?

 

i like our walk at night, or talking about feeding the ducks at the pond, or just me telling him i have to get a donut with sprinkles. or me wanting to sleep with him eventually, being so curious to experience what it's like in bed with him and being physically attracted to him and him to me. i havent felt this way mentally, emotionally and physically about another person for a long time. and i feel so compatible with him in person despite how people here say we are so incompatible. and i really wanted it to work, i really wanted to believe that there was something good and special here. except it doesnt take only one person to make it work.

 

it's sad because i think next time that i do see him i will say goodbye.....im still uncertain but somehow i feel a little more peaceful just writing this out. a short, simple story. and it really was only 4 dates.

 

how can one fall so much so fast? it's not a head over heels thing where im blind.. it's weird because at the beginning when i met him i was still very weak and needy and wanted someone, but this week i feel okay being with myself, loving myself, taking care of myself, and i do like who i am. i have value and worth and selfrespect and i enjoy who i am......and i have to say goodbye even though i still care. i still think im a beautiful person inside and out.

 

damn...i'll miss him.

[Dregnought]

Why do you have to say good-bye exactly?

[Dating Coach]

Teacup can't you keep this story to one or two threads? I think every other thread on this first page is made by you. Keep the threads to a minimum please.

[Joe19999]

Wow, an alcoholic who got his license taken away for drinking and driving. Sounds like a real keeper.

[teacup]

why do you judge other people for their problems and issues?

 

im sure you have some issues that you wouldnt like other ppl to know about. otherwise you wouldnt be on this site either.

[Joe19999]

If you wanna fix people then go ahead and make yourself miserable. But the fact is, alcoholism brings chaos and if you want to live with that its your life. Most people who have some sense of sanity usually don't go with alcoholics. I lived for a time with my alcoholic cousin and let me tell you, it was no picnic and the fact is, if you stay with him, chances are he will feel more comfortable, more drinking, etc... We would all like to think we will be the one who saves the person in their self-destructive ways, but 9 times out of ten, it doesn't end that way.

 

As far as my opinions go, they are my opinions based on life experience, my major (psychology), and my career path (social work). There is a reason why alcoholics get such a bad rap. They are basically drug users who need that drug. If you don't other people to comment, THEN DON'T POST THEM.

[PavPPZ1]

Teacup,

 

I have been following your posts regarding this love affair. Your latest words seem a little different then before, where these ones have more love and care in them. You say the two of you have only been on 4 dates and you enjoy spending time with this guy because of how he treats you and how good he makes you feel. I will open two points for you to think about, in reference to this guy and some guys.

 

 

He is not the only guy who does not call girls back. I myself might not call a girl back even if I truley like her. Some guys just take to life and dating a little different. I personally dont like to seem needy or pushy, and this sometimes will mean I wont call. Although, when I do see someone who I am really attracted to I would be just as nice and kind to make our time together very pleasant. This usually results in always getting a call back until you stop being nice.

 

Lastly you have to learn to feel with your heart. I think this guy really likes you and you two share a strong attraction. Know that at this point he will not call you back, and some guys wont, its a guy thing, but after a point he will call you as much as you call him. The cards are not in his hands and so he wont call. But based on waht you say it seems like your heart is telling you that he truley likes you. Also that both of you are very sexually attracted to one another.

 

Plus, you should pm me your picture, I am curious how u look, as myself he prolly likes sexy sisters

[teacup]

sorry joe19999 i was being defensive....i felt i had to protect myself. protect him.

 

yeah there is attraction but there are several things that really bother me:

(not in order)

 

1. he doesn't call - im the one calling. though he said that he would call me this tuesday. (we will see if he does or doesnt).

2. he doesnt email me back - though he thanked me for the last email i sent him. (though the previous 2 he said he never got)

3. he is cheap - i dont like his attitude about money. i have met guys who made less who were way more generous to me. i feel he is so calculating of money, it makes me feel worthless and unvaluable. he is so stingy towards me. it makes me feel really horrible.

4. he is 36. i am 25. he says he cant change this and younger girls go out with older guys but the age difference really bothers me. why would a 36 yr old want to go out with a 25 year old anyways?

5. he is white. i am asian. he doesnt see this as a problem but it really bothers me.

6. i feel i am worth more, im smarter, have a more positive attitude, younger, wiser and have a lot to offer. i dont know what he has to offer that adds to my life except intellectual knowledge.

7. he drinks too much.

8. he uses the word "sh1t" sometimes. i dont like that.

9. he's balding and has some white hairs.

10. he's from a broken home, his dad never married his mom, and his mom appears to be an uncaring crazy woman.

11. he's slept with 16 women and had a wild past.

12. he's not going anywhere careerwise.

13. he's done some drugs in the past. (i have always been totally clean).

14. he says my concern about him being white and me being asian is racism. i say it's a matter of culture and values, but he still think it's racism.

15. i have to drive him around and drive him back home and then i leave and drive myself home. it feels weird to be driving a guy around.

16. his age is starting to show, i can see wrinkles in his neck and some lines here and there.

17. his values are too open.....it's way more than i can accept or am willing to accept.

 

is such a thing as attraction (mental and physical) and really liking each other enough? i think we could have some really good times together but it would have to end someday anyways.

 

tonight we were in bed (making out) and i asked him what he was thinking. and he said he was thinking how nice our time together was except for our brief fight over money and paying and me saying he was cheap (which btw i still think so) and also that it sucked i couldnt stay over. and i asked him what would we be doing? and he said sleeping......(because we've never had sex before and he's not pushy or pressuring about it, he says when im ready and im definitely not). and it's nice when he pats my hair and is affectionate. i think we really do get along but the differences are starting to show.

 

he says that we still need to take it slow, and i agree that's the healthy way to go. i wish i could make a clear decision whether to leave or go. i still dont know yet. we saw each other today (saturday) and are seeing each other tuesday (after he's off work).

 

i told him that sometimes i just want to say forget it, go ahead and sleep with him a few times and leave and forget this whole thing. he said no, that he would be sad and miss me.

 

but the money thing is pretty big deal to me. i will post up that story.

[novaseeker]

Okay. Obviously there are a lot of reasons why you ought not be with this guy. Some people will find some of them offensive (ie, your discomfort with his race, for example, which many people will read as racism regardless), but at the end of the day if you have this many reservations about this guy, for whatever reason ... just stop dating him. It isn't going to get any more compatible from here on out. It sounds like you're both really on different pages, so it's best to discontinue this relationship and prepare for one with someone more compatible with you in the ways you describe.