How should I be feeling?

[You_Dont_Know_Me]

I want to start out commenting that I appreciate everyone's advice on this forum. It seems I post and post and post, and I get a response with my wacky random questions and I just really appreciate it.

 

But, it seems this time I've been pushing myself back and forth between what's going on, and I seriously do not know how to feel, or to even explain what is going on.

 

It seems my boyfriend and I haven't really been getting along all this week. Well, like we have - but it seems with each conversation this week there's been tiny disagreements, or a problem, lack of communicating, aggravation.

 

I'll start with the other night. I've been very emotional this week for some very odd reason. But, I was crying for some off-the-wall reason. Actually, I do know. I was crying because I was finally hitting home about a lot of things that started happening to me when I got into this relationship awhile ago. I pushed a lot of people out of my life, and let a lot of relationships slip - because my boyfriend was something I never really had before and I was caught up in the moment. And I realized, and it seemed, we weren't going so smoothly this week and I was frightened the thought of him breaking up with me was going through his mind and i realized that if he did break up with me that I'd be alone. Well, not completely - but it wouldn't be the same.

 

He doesn't like it when I leave much. I work twice a week and usually he accepts and it tells me to call him as soon as I get home, and I do. But, last night he was upset because I had to go back tonight because I just have to work again tonight .. and he wouldn't talk and he sounded upset and aggravated and it makes me hurt. And all it ended to was "Whatever, I'll just talk to you later bye" .. no I love you, no let's talk about this nothing - well I was getting slightly aggravated and we stayed on the phone to talk about it - and he wouldn't talk so I just said "Fine, bye" and he was like "Why are you doing that - just saying good-bye. I'll stay on the phone" and i was like "Well, it seems like you really don't want to talk to me right now" and was like "whatever, bye" . The conversation didn't end there and we talked about it for a bit - and I being stupid again kept apologizing.

 

He called me this morning and apologized again and I actually hesitated at accepting his apology, and i tried changing the subject last night when he wanted me to accept his apology - I didn't want to take it - but I felt bad. I was him to know that it hurts me when he does stuff like that. And I just don't think it's been a good week for the both of us and i don't know how I'm suppose to be feeling about it.

 

He mentioned a few nights ago about our lack in communication, and how at times he wishes he could go back to when we were first going out again to feel that feeling again - because he liked it so much. When he had the school boy crush on me - and was feeling love for me for the first time and it was just different. He commented that he knows everything about me .. but he did say that he loves having the feeling he has for me now, which I hope is love. And I rbought it all up to him the other night - and he told me to not to worry so much about him leaving me - because he's not. and that he loves me. and I worry too much. And that he said he'd be with me and he's going to stay with me and he's perfectly happy and that he loves me - and a few other thigns i can't remember, but I really loved hearing it all from him.

 

The relationships still good, and we kind of discussed it and we don't want to end what we have, and I defiantly don't I love him to pieces! And last night we had an excellent conversation all the way till I mentioned having to work again tonight - and I think he was trying to guilt trip me because I had to leave early for work last night - and we didn't get to talk the full amount of time like we usually do. And while I was driving I called him again, just to say I love you - and he mentioned how he hated it because he'd have to say good-bye and he hated saying good-bye to me .. and I just don't know how I'm suppose to be feeling about all this.

 

It only started like the other night - and I mentioned it to him and he commented that I shouldn't worry about not being able to keep conversation - he said he thinks this kind of stage happens with all relationships - a slight "what now" thought - and that I shouldn't fret about conversation and that'll it'll come on it's own and we'll find things to talk about ...

 

And last night all I said was that I just wanted to make him happy - and he said that he was happy - the happiest guy alive.

 

 

 

 

 

 

so - what now? I wanna just try to let it all slide over - because sometimes we do have little tiffs - and I think it's common in most relationships no? I've been with for over 7 months now, and I want to keep what we have going - and just work through this ...

 

Yeah - so opinions would rock.

 

Thank you so much!

[PocoDiablo]

You know what really struck me from your post? That you seem to spend a lot of time on the phone. Personally, I have found that I am not the kind of person who can relate my feelings properly over the phone ... or email or texting or IM. I think that for many people the lack of body language and facial expressions over the phone really kills things. You might think about how you are together in person versus over the phone. My GF and I have an agreement - we literally do NOT talk to each other over the phone unless it's something important. Like today, she called me because her dog cut his foot. Other than that, we only use the phone to set up dates. That's pretty much it! All other communication is in person.

 

The next thing I noticed is that you mention you talk about issues a lot. You bring up silly issues, like "Are you going to break up with me?" etc. You know what? I bet the thought never even crossed his mind ... UNTIL you brought it up. And sure, people have disagrements from time to time. That's natural, normal, you just have to focus on the *issue* and not the person. No name calling, blaming, guilt, etc.

 

To me it sounds like you're both a little insecure. That's natural. That's normal. But what is getting in the way is the way you are dealing with it. He's making you "Check in" and you're questioning his motives.

 

The best advice I could give you? When he calls, make a date with him. Tell him you really want to see him, want to hang out, whatever. Then go hang out with him. When he talks about something negative, do yur best to change the topic. My GF's dad always told her "No one likes to be around someone sad." And I think that is true. When I am having a really bad day, I try to *never* dump it on her. I call my friend Paul, or email my other friend Jeremy, and vent on the phone while I drive home. If I had a bad day, I'll tell my GF "I had a bad day, so if I say something stupid just throw the toaster at me."

 

You say you just want to make him happy - and I believe it. So do it. Don't talk about it - do it. Maybe make him dinner? Invite him on a walk in the park? Go visit a national monument of some sort. Go to some scenic lookout place. Go on a long drive. Do dinner at some crazy little place you've never been to. Get out of the house.

 

And when he starts talking stupid (i.e., I'm so sad, confused, etc.) just put your finger on his mouth and then kiss him. You don't need to tell him anything, just show him how much you care for him. And if he really starts to fall apart, tell him how you try to save the bad news for your friends and family so you can always be in a good mood for him. Maybe he'll take the hint?

 

Bottom line: I try to avoid being a therapist in a relationship for the small things. Instead, I try to do something fun whenever possible. (Note: This does not mean to be totally insensitive of course! Just try to focus on the good.)

[PavPPZ1]

Ok, it seems like you guys are just getting over your initial infatuation with one another, where all you need to do was look at one another to achieve ultimate happiness. This is something a lot of young people go through, and its completely normal. As of right now you are at the point where you guys are both a little frustrated because these initial extreme feelings have begun to pass and you are beginning the first part of your relationship where the two of you can start loving one another for who you are.

 

The lust-love relationship phase is ending, you are now at the point that you can spend more time away from one another but it makes you angry and frustrated because you want to want to be with your SO as badly as you did when you first began dating. The first few weeks or months you were inseperable, including not going to to work to be with one another. All you wanted was to be held by one another and feel your lovers touch. This is normal and its how you handle this transition that will determine how you will continue your relationship.

 

Right now both you and your BF need to take extra care in being nice to one another, as your emotions are at their peak, you might offend one another and cause problems out of personal pride. You may want to start having casual dates, and more time appart just to transition yourself, this will help build a foundation for a strong and lasting relationship. The kind of relationship where trust, respect and appreciation of one another will be the founding blocks. It takes a lot of thought, and self control to keep everything steady without any extreme aspects that can hurt the both of you.

 

Just keep it in mind to try to keep your conversations light, and continue to appreciate one another, start doing other leasurly activities aside from just laying together. This will be a good start.

 

Good luck!

[You_Dont_Know_Me]

ok thank you both.

 

It seems things are getting better.

 

We have so much contact on the phone - because we can only see each other on the weekends.