i prefer to do the calling.

[teacup]

when dating, i prefer to be the one doing the calling. i am a girl and prefer to call the guy. i feel that this gives me more control and more power over the situation, that im the one deciding whether i will contact them or not.

 

i dont like waiting by or near the phone until they call me. i feel this takes control from me and keeps me on a leash.

 

but yet, there are people who tell me that guys are supposed to do the calling, that if im the one calling the guy all the time, he will think that "she must like me so much, im so attractive, i totally have her."

 

which isnt true. i just like being i charge.

 

so when i arrange a time to call a guy "say 6 oclock on saturday" or when a guy says "call or email me".....is that okay? or how about when i call a guy to say thank you....or hope you are doing okay. is that alright?

 

or should i just go back to letting them call me?

[DiscipleOfChange]

I don't see a problem with it. I mean, I wouldn't schedule a time with him for when you will call, not in a formal sense at least. I think there's nothing wron with a girl doing the calling. SO LONG AS SHE DOES CALL LOL!

[teacup]

well sometimes i have something to do beforehand before i can stop over his place. so i say, i'll give you a call around this time. and it's usually to make arrangements or something.

 

i am also a aggressive, assertive person. i will NOT chase a guy. but i like to go after what i want instead of waiting. and this affects some of the things i do. like preferring to be the one who calls.

 

hmmmm.

[unicornq]

I guess it depends on personality. Just do it the way you feel comfortable with. If you don't like waiting, it's nothing wrong with being the one who call first. Afterall, one person has to take the initiative for something to happen. Otherwise things drag on.

 

I wish I could be as active as you, because I'm the one who is waiting and shy to make advances.

[Sexychiick16]

me tooo!!!

 

i like this kid and he gave me his number

but i anniciated it soooo why doesnt he call me...

 

geeze you guys!! lol

 

nooo but i think you should stick to your guns

you seem like a strong chick!!

[CATLOVER]

Well im the opposite Im not interested in chasing....for me the dynamic feels wrong. When I was younger I hated having to be powerless and waiting for some guy to call....but now it doesnt bother me at all...because it gives vital clues about a guy for a start.....like if they say they will call at a particular time and then dont for a few days...that can tell me alot about a man.....also I dont wait for the calls....I just go out and live my life and if they call great and if they dont well I havnt wasted any time staring at the receiver and feeling all hurt and powerless.

 

But thats just how it works for me, everyone is different.

[annie24]

I agree with Catlover. The person calling doesn't have the power - the person picking up the phone does!!! He looks down at his caller ID and decides whether or not to answer the phone, and whether or not he'd like to go on the date with you.

 

When a guy gives me his number and says, "Call me" I give him my number also and say, "Call ME!"

 

With Catlover, seeing how often they call you (or don't call) gives you a lot of powerful information about their interest level. Whereas if you're always the one calling and making plans, you don't know if they're really interested in you, or they were bored and had nothing better to do.

 

Not saying you should never call, I'm just saying I think there should be a balance.

[novaseeker]

So, let me see if I understand this ... you like to be the one calling and asking him out, but you want him to pay for everything that you asked him out to do?

 

Hmmm ....

[PocoDiablo]

While I can totally understand the concept of "wanting to be in control" I also think this puts people in a situation they might not want. For one, when you call a guy, and it's a first date scenario, it'll probably confuse him a little. He's supposed to call you. And, quite frankly, he may not be interested in you. If you do call, and set something up, he may agree but have no feelings for you. So then you go out with him and he - being polite - is nice to you so as not to hurt your feelings. This can send you mixed signals and now you wonder if he likes you or not. Sure, you can keep calling him, but he may be too shy to make an excuse to not see you.

 

Women are used to guys calling, and are smart enough to (a) not answer or (b) make an excuse to avoid seeing a guy they don't like. Guys, however, well... we're just not that smart! A guy may not like you - at least not in terms of a relationship, but most guys are not so stupid to think that you won't sleep with them if you are making contact. So, what *might* happen would be a guy would say "Hm, I'm not interested in this chick, but she's all over me. I bet I can get laid."

 

Also, I know plenty of guys who simply cannot say no. They will go out with you, go through all the motions, but there is no chemistry. If you do go out with a guy, it is CRUCIAL to determine if there is a REAL chemistry between the two of you. And I am not talking about the first date hots. Yeah, any two people who are reasonably attractive to each other will get horny and all that. Big news. I am talking about 3 months, 6 months down the line. Do you REALLY have all that much in common? What are your favorite things to do and how do they mesh with his? He likes football and you like ballet? You drink wine, he drinks 40's. You don't smoke, he smokes cigars (puke!). You've got morals, he's got a record. Yeah, um, that might not work out. All I am saying is get to know him, ask him who he is, and ALSO see if he gets to know you.

 

So, all I am asking is "What kind of signal does this send out." Sure, you may be in control, but you don't know what his intentions are. It may also give you a reputation that you had not thought about.

 

Personally, if you called me it would be a signal of interest. However, if you tried to be in control of everything, it would be a big turn off. I am the man, and in a very traditional way I feel it is important to be the provider, the caretaker, the decision maker. Now this is clearly NOT true to all men! Is it a good thing or a bad thing? That depends on the two people.

 

It sounds like you need to (1) get an answering machine! (2) be a little more spontaneous - I mean why are you saying "6oclock on saturday" and (3) see the guy in person. I point out time and time again - electronic forms of communication (phone, email, texting) is very impersonal, very business like, very UN-intimate. If you like a guy, you need to spend time WITH him. So I always recommend folks only use the phone for setting up dates.

 

Personally, if you only wanted to talk with me on the phone, I would know you just wanted to be friends. You probably would not get me on the phone much - I'd be going out with another woman who wanted to spend time with me in person. It's all about meeting the person you like, remember?

[PocoDiablo]

So, let me see if I understand this ... you like to be the one calling and asking him out, but you want him to pay for everything that you asked him out to do?

 

Hmmm ....

This is what I call a Gold digger. That's a whole 'nother topic of discussion. Gold diggers are to be avoided at all costs. They do not want to be with you, they want to be with your wallet, your car, your Visa card...

[Amano Ginji]

but yet, there are people who tell me that guys are supposed to do the calling, that if im the one calling the guy all the time, he will think that "she must like me so much, im so attractive, i totally have her."

 

 

Ok..It usually works that way..not like u cant change it..but yeah usually guys call the girls...As far as my gf is concerened..she is the one always calling and am the one always waiting...that dsnt make me think that i totally have her...thats wat i feel..i find it real sweet...!!

 

so when i arrange a time to call a guy "say 6 oclock on saturday" or when a guy says "call or email me".....is that okay? or how about when i call a guy to say thank you....or hope you are doing okay. is that alright?

 

 

Perfectly alright!...If he asks u to call!...do call him..But yeah dont make it a habbit!..Dont end up calling first everytime..if u no wat i mean

 

or should i just go back to letting them call me?

Do wat u feel like!..Call him when u feel upto it!...Let it alternate!..

 

Hope this helps!

Good Luck Have Fun!

[patience]

teacup,

 

if he never calls you, there's a problem (I'm sure you already know that though)

 

there is nothing wrong with calling a person...if you are naturally assertive and naturally a 'go-getter' type, then you are just being yourself by initiating contact, and the right guy for you will appreciate this about you...the right guy will also be calling you though!

 

hopefully the guy you are calling is equally assertive and equally interested

 

I hate waiting for the phone to ring too, I understand what you are saying...just make sure you are not doing all of the work, otherwise the relationship will be really unbalanced

 

I really don't see what the big deal is about who calls who...it's silly...usually the more assertive person will call first, and if that's the woman, that's the woman...it 2005 for crying out loud!!!

[suprema99]

Hey teacup. Are you a girl, say that calls her boyfiend in a time of need. He's really busy or doing something legitamate, and since he didn't answer, you think he's playing games with you? You say you want to be in control of the situation and the calling. Your not doing yourself any good. Your main concern is to keep it as fair as possible. If he calls you, you answer that's good and vice versa. If he calls you reasonanbly 2 times and you don't answer and don't call back in a reasonable amount of time., no good and vice versa. With cell phones and caller id, who are you really fooling?

[teacup]

hmmmmmmm. alright. next time, i'll tell him to call. you're right, it's no good if it's all onesided and unbalanced and floppy.

 

okay, so balance and fairness is what im going after right? sounds good to me.

 

and if he doesnt, he's out of here. really i have been sitting down and telling myself that i wont put up with less anymore. i am trying to internalize that.

[suprema99]

What's kinda messed up. Say you really feel like talking to someone, and they don't answer on purpose for those reasons. You felt like talking they didn't. Now when they call back, your probably not gonna want to talk as much as you did before. That's the whole reason someone calls you, cause they felt like talking to you at that moment. Give it a try

[teacup]

he never calls. he says i have more free time to do the calling.

 

i think he makes too many excuses. i dont expect a call much - hey i have my life and my things to do, but no calls at all?

 

i just dont want to end up getting treated less than im worth. that is all.

[suprema99]

Hey teacup, If that's the case, keep it fair. And it's obvious that if someones doing all the calling, there's a problem then.

[teacup]

yes. im starting to understand that. it's because each time we end the time we spend together we arrange the next time to meet. and i usually say "i'll give you a call around ....(time we're supposed to meet up) right before i come over."

 

and then i did call him once on a sunday and he didnt seem to want to talk long, he was heading out with his friend and was going to get lunch before. and i dont like long phone calls because i cant read facial expressions (though i could talk forever). we arranged to meet up that night.

 

this all sucks because i cant see clearly yet. am i just in denial? yes....im in denial. but im also detaching because it feels like the right thing to do.

[Jadtt]

yes. im starting to understand that. it's because each time we end the time we spend together we arrange the next time to meet. and i usually say "i'll give you a call around ....(time we're supposed to meet up) right before i come over."

 

and then i did call him once on a sunday and he didnt seem to want to talk long, he was heading out with his friend and was going to get lunch before. and i dont like long phone calls because i cant read facial expressions (though i could talk forever). we arranged to meet up that night.

 

this all sucks because i cant see clearly yet. am i just in denial? yes....im in denial. but im also detaching because it feels like the right thing to do.

 

Hey Teacup,

 

I had a boyfriend and did this with, I was the one always doing the calling, he would never call me.. come to find out...he was losing interest in me.

 

I think there are men out there that appreciate an assertive woman. However, they want to be the one to CHASE you. It is part of their make-up and psychology, and if they get you too fast, they might lose interest.

 

You can be assertive and call, sometimes. But, I would like the guy to be the one doing the calling in the beginning. I want to see if he really is interested in me or not. I want to see if he is going to follow through with the "I'll call you" line.

 

I don't know, maybe it's just me. But, apparently my last got turned off by me calling and thought it was "psycho" and "needy" and not attractive.