Pregnant..advice needed

[MiaLeah]

I found out that I'm pregnant about 1.5 months ago. I think I'm 2.5 months or more along. I've not told anyone yet b/c I just don't know what to do. A big problem is that I'm 17, but the father is 33. I'm not looking for anyone to tell me what to do, but I'd just like some advice or input or somebody to talk to. Thanks.

[cichlid]

I think you need to tell your parents. I mean in not too long it will be obvious! That is advice...they need to know and can best help you in this situation. Of course I am wondering why the father is 33, but that is none of my business. As for what you do it all depends on what you want to do. We cannot make that decision for you. Of course I am against abortion and similar things so...I will tell you to keep the child and advise against abortion (if you are thinking about it). It can lead to a lot of emotional pain in some women so much that they regret it all their lives. But I do realize you will do what you want, and I can only give you my opinion. Oh, and you can always put the child up for adoption if you are unable to take care of the baby.

[MiaLeah]

I know I need to tell them, but I just can't. I'm actually dating the 33 yr old, but I wasn't supposed to be having sex with him. I want to keep the child I suppose. I'm just deathly afraid of going to the doctor and such...I havn't been yet. I can't even really tell my friends about it either.

[Shadows Light]

TIC-TOC... how long do u suppose you can keep it a secret???? Chin up. It will be ok one way or another. And don't "suppose" anything. A baby is not a thing you can either take or leave. They need lots of care and nurturing. So you'll have to step up to the plate.

 

And if you think you are not up to the responsibility as yet. There is no shame in admitting that. I would hope you would consider then to put it up for adoption... as being a woman whose gone through the trials and tribulations of fertility.. I can tell you that your child would be well loved and provided for by a couple desperate to be parents.

 

Buck up little lady.. your first act of courage as a mother... is going to your parents and tell him them. Also.. the father has a right to know.. don'tcha think???

[MiaLeah]

I can't really hide it at all...I don't know if it's just me, but I can already kind of tell. I'm a coward though and can't admit it to anyone. I'm just kind of waiting for them to find out.

Once they find out, I'll be forced to go to the doctor.

[nsbguy32169]

That's not gonna go nearly as smoothly as telling them now... Your parents will feel very deceived along with your boyfriend who had a right to know as soon as you knew.

[MiaLeah]

Yeah, I know..but I can't tell them..I can't admit it to anyone I know. I just don't know how.

[cichlid]

Sometimes it's a lot easier to write something than it is to actually say it. Maybe write a little note and tuck it into a book your mom or dad is reading currently. Or even put it on the counter or something. Say all you want to say and explain the situation in the note. It will be okay...I'm sure your family loves you and will help you through this.

[Meow18]

You need to go to a doctor as soon as possible. Don't wait another day. It is very bad for the baby if you wait too long. It can cause birth defects or you can have an unhealthy baby and it can hurt you. All that is not worth waiting.

 

After you go to the doctor you need to tell your boyfriend. He helped in this. You didn't do it on your own, so he should know. Then you can work on telling your family together. They might not be happy, but you have to tell them eventually. The sooner, the better.

[brassrat]

I hesitate to call anything from an outsider "advice"--after all, you know a lot more about the situation than I do. I can't tell for sure if you've decided to keep the baby or not. If you have, know that it will be a tremendous amount of work for a long time--make sure that you're really up to it before you continue the pregnancy (I'm pro-choice, but I'm also 51 and have two kids). Have you considered talking to a member of the clergy (assuming that you're a member of a church/temple/etc.)?? They can often be very helpful. Also, a good dose of therapy may help you sort out your issues and give you the freedom to tell whomever you need to about whatever decision you ultimately make. Good luck!

 

And yes, in any event you need to see an obstetrician immediately.

[RandomAdvisor]

Does your BF know? What does he think?

[teacup]

hey you can message me.

[SLMitchell918]

First, are you taking your prenatal pills? Thats a must since you are already 2 1/2 months. You have to go to the doctor and make sure that you and your baby are okay. You shouldn't be ashamed of what happened. Its probably not what you planned on, but the baby is the innocent one in all this and even though 17 is young, its old enough to take care of a baby. Do your parents know that you are dating this 33 year old? Telling your parents is one of the best things you can do. Chose the one parent you are the closest to and tell them your pregnant. IF its easier, write a letter and leave it for them. They have to know. I'm 7 months pregnant and after a month or so more its going to be VERY hard to hide the fact that you are pregnant not to mention you are putting the baby at risk everyday you dont go to the doctor and get your prenatal visits. You should tell your BF. Just so you know whether he can handle it or not. I wish you luck!

[MiaLeah]

Does your BF know? What does he think?

 

No, I can't bring myself to tell him.

[MiaLeah]

I'm not taking any prenatal pills. How can I not be ashamed? I have to go to school like this and everywhere I go people will see me and think things.

They know I'm dating a 33 yr old, but I promised them I wouldn't have sex with him any time soon.

I'm sure I'm already showing a bit...I'm pretty thin so it appears to be a bit more apparent.

I'm trying to wait as long as possible to tell people. I feel once they know, I'll be forced to go to the doctor.

[RayKay]

Mia

 

You are endangering your life and the childs life at this point.

 

I have seen what happens to women who do not get prenatal treatment - preclampysia, malnutrition, which can both be life threatening (you can slip into comas with the former).

 

I have also seen what happens to the child if you do not get care - spina bifidia (born with exposed spine) is just one of many many deficicencies and illnesses that can occur without proper care and nutrition.

 

You may feel ashamed but you MUST tell someone and get care - it is no longer JUST about you anymore. Yes, it will not be easy, and yes your parents may be upset however they will still love you, and they are going to find out soon anyway - PLEASE let them find out now so you can stop putting your child and yourself at huge health risks.

 

As for your boyfriend, he is 50% of this baby now, and also deserves to know soon. He participated in the act, and in that knew that there could be possible risks to that.

[avman]

I don't mean to scare you but I must agree with the others - it is vital to get prenatal care immediately. It is important for both your health and the babies' health.

 

I know you are afraid, I understand that. But the facts are the facts - you are pregnant. You can't undo that, so you need to accept that this is the situation.

 

There are many free counseling services that you can go to so that you can talk through your situation. Look in your phone book under Pregnancy and you'll find them. Many have free initial medical care so that you can get some initial health checks. They can help you figure out how to tell your boyfriend, how to make your decision on whether to keep the baby, talking to others, and so on.

 

If you can't find a place to go to, send me a message and I will help you find a place.

[RandomAdvisor]

I'm trying to wait as long as possible to tell people. I feel once they know, I'll be forced to go to the doctor.

 

And why is that a bad thing? You're delaying the inevitable, and the more you delay, the worse it gets.

 

You need to make a decision. Are you going to keep the child or not? If you want to have an abortion, you still have time. If you want to keep it, you need to tell your parents and get pre natal care. Whatever you do, you need to do it immediately.

[Meow18]

I hate to sound rude, but what you are doing is really selfish. These are the consequences to what you have done. Whether you regret it or not, it's not going to go away. Think about that unborn baby growing inside of you. He/she deserves a chance to live a healthy life!

 

Some_guy is right. What's done is done and you can't take back being pregnant. Do yourself a favor and get proper treatment! Honestly, I have a hard time feeling sorry for you because I care a lot about children and what you are doing is a form of abuse-you are neglecting your unborn baby's needs.

 

Trust me, you don't want to live with the guilt of giving birth to an unhealthy baby. So many horrible birth defects can be caused just by not going to the doctor. And your child will have to live with them! You can always give your child up for adoption, but this helpless unborn baby will have to live the way you choose for it to live.

 

Would you rather live with the guilt of causing undo-able harm to your child, or live with your parents being disappointed in you for a little while? They will get over it. Their anger will only be temporary. If you care at all, just get yourself to a doctor. Worry about telling people later.