What to do...what to do......

[Progressive]

Hi !

Ok, well, basically i want some advise from someone and I dont really dare talk to people here (you'll see why in a minute) - its that sort of "I dont know you...heres my advice" thing i need

 

Right. About 6 years ago, I met a friend over the internet who actually lived and still does live in my home town, we met up a few times, chatted for years and got on pretty well. Most of the chats we had were for HOURS at a time, late evening until early morning (i was VERY VERY tired at work, but..i didnt really mind). There was never anything physical in it, one probably because i wasn't really looking for things like that then (I was 20ish at the time.....26 now) and maybe because at the time she was engaged! But, nothing ever happened between us and nothing like that was ever mentioned.

 

About a 2 years ago, what with me finding a girlfriend and then getting married we kinda lost touch with each other, she moved (accross town), i got married until one day i had a message on my phone saying how shed just had a baby and was living...somewhere.

 

Anyway, we got back in touch - JUST like the old times that we used to spend, met up a few times bit of telly, drink etc.. which brings us up to today. unfortunately, since we have got back in touch, i have found myself getting increasingly attracted to her, possibly to the point that I could say that i *do* love her, that kind of sitting on-line waiting for them to sign on, or sitting at work glancing at your phone thinking a text might come through at any time and basically just sitting around being miserable just because you aren't/can't talk to them.

 

She knows how i feel about her, i wrote a lot of stuff down basically to try and get things out of my head which I did send to her as an e-mail, and we have chatted and met up since and things have been great! (No.. nothing physical has happened - still just good friends) Only problem is, although if the situation arose i would probably just make an excuse and walk out the door, i would really like us to be MORE than friends but there are a few things that are holding me back from actually telling her that i do *love* her

1) We are BOTH married (to different people...)

2) I dont think i really know how MUCH she likes me? Am i just a great friend, am i someone she would like but is too scared to say anything?

3) What would we do IF we did become more than friends?????

 

In an ideal world we would both be single, I would be able to not think about her ALL the time and if anything was going to arise then what the hell! Who does it hurt? It could be the case that even if we were single I would stand NO CHANCE WHATSOEVER, but at least i would *KNOW*!!!

 

Argh!

To make things more confused in my head, i have a co-worker who doesnt really know about my situation who is getting divorced saying marriage is a mugs game "you always get hurt".

 

*sigh*

 

but i love her...........

[Momof3]

If you are married and attracted to someone else, maybe there is a problem in your marriage. You should decide whether or not you want to stay in your marriage before professing love to someone else. You should not tell her how you feel as she is also married and has a baby. You don't want to break up two families do you?

 

No matter what you are feeling you should not approach her unless and until you are both single. Work things out with your wife or end it with her before you move on. No matter how bad things are she deserves at least that courtesy.

 

Good luck

[Unknown Member]

You are in difficult situation brother. My question is do you truly love your wife? You see i know you must have loved her in order to get married to her but you truly have to be honest with yourself and see who is it that really love? Is this girl worth your marriage? and even worst is she willing to destroy HER marriage for you. Its thinking time bro, you need to set your feelings straight because marriage isnt like a high school relationship where you can dump your girl and if this other girl isnt really what you thought then you can come back to your wife. Now love is something pretty big and you also need to differentiate between and obsession. I feel that you're maybe blinded by the joy of hearing about this girl to the point where you think you're in love but you're not. Now its up to you what to do next but dont forget that anything else that happens is also up to her, she is married too and you dont know if she loves you so dont lose your wife for someone who doesnt feel anything for you. Alright bro, good luck.

[Progressive]

Fully understand everything you say!

 

The only thing i can say abou me getting married is that she was the first person i actually "went out" with and i dont know if i really just went along with it all for the 'quiet life' and because she was someone who actually wanted me?

I do love my wife, but i think her "closeness" has driven me up the wall. I dont think we've spent 1 night apart since we met, if i go out for 3 hours its "but i wanted to talk to you", she changed jobs after i did so she could be with me during the working day too! Argh!!

 

And its not the case that I have done a "Oh we are fighting, but heres someone else" because I knew BEFORE i even met my wife and i have never really thought of her like that... until now.

PLUS....she went on holiday for something like a month recently, and i thought i had gotten her out of my head and maybe it was just nothing really, but as soon as she came back its hit me more than ever

 

 

BUT... yes i do have thinking to do. I'll probably stick with how am i just for the "quiet life" - which is bad in itself! - and unfair to my wife

 

Ohhhhhh