Kissed a girl. How do I stop it from becoming more?

[antigravity]

Hey everyone,

 

I was out on the weekend, and met a nice girl and we spent the night dancing, talking and kissing.

 

Now I've recently broken up with my partner of 5 years (happened about a month ago), and I went out with no intentions of getting with anyone.

 

I got pretty drunk, and I met this girl, who somehow ended up all over me. She was nice, a great kisser, so I gave her my number.

 

Now it's 2 days later, and she's sent me message saying she had a good time... I don't mind messaging her back, but I don't think I want to see her again. Is that bad of me? I was just after a bit of fun that night, and like I said, I was very drunk. I'm actually surprised she messaged me!

 

How do I message her back (i'm not going to ignore her), but give her the hint that I'm not after anything serious?

 

I've just come out of a 5 year relationship, and this is the first time i've been single as an adult! So I'm all new to this.

[teacup]

be honest. be truthful. and be respectful. and tell her straight out and upfront.

 

the worst thing to do is to lie or brush it off or blow her off. that would be so wrong of you.

 

but truth and honesty while it might sting is always the best policy. nobody wants to be lied to. we all want the truth.

[antigravity]

be honest. be truthful. and be respectful. and tell her straight out and upfront.

 

the worst thing to do is to lie or brush it off or blow her off. that would be so wrong of you.

 

but truth and honesty while it might sting is always the best policy. nobody wants to be lied to. we all want the truth.

 

Yeah the last thing I want to do is ignore her messages/calls.. That would be wrong. I'm not like that.

 

However, she picked me up, so I don't feel all that bad about not wanting it to go further.

[arwen]

I agree with teacup. Ignoring her message will make her feel worse than being upfront about things. You could send her a message that you had a great time as well, but that you are not interested in having a relationship right now. That hurts as well, especially if she's really into you. But to be honest, I think most girls know that there is little future to be expected from drunk episodes at parties with guys you hardly know.

 

Ilse.

[antigravity]

I agree with teacup. Ignoring her message will make her feel worse than being upfront about things. You could send her a message that you had a great time as well, but that you are not interested in having a relationship right now. That hurts as well, especially if she's really into you. But to be honest, I think most girls know that there is little future to be expected from drunk episodes at parties with guys you hardly know.

 

Ilse.

 

Thanks... That's why I was surprised she messaged me. I'm a fairly quiet, down to earth guy, so even when I'm drunk, i'm very friendly and gentle. Not rude or insulting.

 

So even though I was drunk, we had some pretty deep discussions as we walked home.

 

But then still, I thought she would put me down in the "it was fun while it lasted" group.

 

I'll message her back, but if she hints at hanging out again, I'll let her know that I'm not after anything like that at the moment.

[teacup]

well, no. you dont owe her anything. but if you tell the truth, you will be respecting her and you will be respecting yourself as well.

 

i would think that you would feel better being honest then lying.

 

even if it's a party, girls will still look at your character. so though she kissed you and met you at a party, she probably noticed your deepness and your quiet down to earthness. and she probably liked that.

 

so.....just because it was a party doesnt excuse it either. girls will still pay attention to who you are as a person and hope for something more. party or not.

[antigravity]

Thanks.. I'll definitely message her back.. Just don't know what to say.

 

I don't want to come out and bluntly say "i'm not interested". That's just as bad.

 

I'll send her a message saying how I pulled up the next day, and that I enjoyed the night aswell.

 

If she tries to take things further, then i'll let her know i'm not interested.. is that ok?

[teacup]

just say "i had a great time with you and really enjoyed your company. but at this time im not ready for anything more. it has nothing to do with who you are as a person but it's my own thing. but i wish you well."

 

how's that? if she's a good person, she will understand. but if not, well then, that's her problem.

[antigravity]

That's really sweet.. She did seem like a nice girl.. I don't want to hurt her, or make her think I'm a jerk or something.

 

She was with a guy friend aswell.. I spoke with him alot, although I get the feeling he was into her, but to scared to do anything.. I even asked him if he was, and if so, I'd walk away. He didn't admit it though.

 

I'll wish him well aswell.

[antigravity]

I messaged her, and said that I had a good time too, and apologised if I was a bit drunk..

 

She replied straight away, and said maybe we should have a coffee some time and that I should worry about being drunk...

 

I'm going to message her back tomorrow, when I've thought about it a little more, but I think I'm going to say that I'm not after anything at the moment.

[babycristy456]

Well, that was a sweet offer from her. But don't be afraid to say no. Don't tell her the "not today, maybe next weekend" bc if she really liked you, then she will be waiting anxiously for that weekend to come. And when she realizes that it won't, she will be bummed out. So its better if you are straight out with her instead of leaving her hanging.

[antigravity]

I've decided to meet up with her this weekend. Then I can get a better idea as to what kind of person she is, and I'll try and figure out what she wants from me.

 

If she comes accross as wanting something serious, then I'll let her know I'm not after that after just coming out of a 5 year relationship.

 

It's probably a waste to just not see her again, because she may end up being someone I enjoy being around.

 

I messaged her, and then she said "funny... i was just thinking of you"...

 

When I heard that, I thought. Hmmm.. sounds like she's really into me.

 

I'm not used to another girl being into me. I'm not overly attractive, and just coming out of a relationship, it's strange having another girl interested in me.

 

Anyway.. wish me luck

 

Thanks for your opinions.

[FCTex]

Just see how she is, outside of the "party" and the beer goggles.

 

 

You might just make a friend, and all..

 

Ironically, you might not know what she thinks of the situation eitheir.. She might not be looking for something, but simply just wanting to be out with other people, and perhaps date.

 

I wouldnt just to conclusions with her just yet. It doesn't hurt to go out.

 

It's the best medicine to get over a break up. Trust me. I'm taking alot of medicine.

[sibling295]

I agree - who knows this may be your best medicine - dont worry so much about if she wants more -

Hang out , have fun - this is the singles scene man , be honest - its all about regaining confidence.

[antigravity]

I gave her a quick call last night, and she said she was on the phone with someone else, but she asked whether I still want to meet her on Friday.

 

I said yeah, but if I come, I'll be coming by myself because all of my friends have other plans and that I'm a bit worried going out by myself.

 

She said she'll call me when she gets there, and I can meet her outside, and we can walk in together. I thought that was kinda cool of her to offer.

 

But she didn't sound all that excited to talk to me. We only spoke for about a minute. It was really short and quick, and now I'm worried that when she heard my voice or something, she changed her mind. (I don't know why, my voice is normal, but I don't sound like a tough, cool guy).

 

What should I do?

[FCTex]

Sounds like you were expecting her to show you more than you got..

 

You might want to persue this.. I think your starting to open up to the idea a little..

 

She might have been busy, or pre occupied.. I wouldnt think too much of it. You sound like a women!

 

Just go see what happens, you honestly have everything to gain.

[antigravity]

Geez, I always think too much.

 

Why am I so worried about her not liking me? I don't even know if I like her!

[33yeargirl]

okay, i had a similar experience once. I was out drinking and having good time with friends and had also just come out of a long relationship and didn't intend to meet anyone...well i did ...we went out again and i realized the chemistry fizzled when we were actually talking sober...i told him that night that i had other unresolved relationship issues...and that i thought he was a nice guy BUT it wasn't a good time for me....he didn't take it well. Which quite frankly was his problem (I on the other hand was totally honest) so, go out again, if you like her enough your past relationship will not be an issue and all of a sudden your feelings will diminish - if you don't like her - you'll know that as well but you owe it to yourself to check it out....your heart will lead you. You are wondering if she likes you even though you don't know if you like her because we are human and by nature we want to be liked - totally normal.....By the way, as I am a girl i can tell you without a DOUBT she likes you - you may question her tone on the phone but SHE TOOK THE CALL while on the other line. (That's huge!) she also agreed to meet you out (HUGE AGAIN)Dude, she likes you ALOT - give her a chance.....

[33yeargirl]

Had to add something here as I re-read the scenario ........we girls don't judge a guy by his voice.....you called/initiated contact. Most guys don't even get that far. She also committed to a Friday night date....we don't see guys on weekends (hot nights) if we aren't into them heavy. The ones we don't like - we see them during the week - we stop drop and run for the one's we like (which means a weekend night commitment) Also, you messaged her and she immediately said "she was just thinking of you"?????? Sure, she was,,,,that is girl speak for I've been thinking about you SINCE I LEFT YOU......

[antigravity]

Had to add something here as I re-read the scenario ........we girls don't judge a guy by his voice.....you called/initiated contact. Most guys don't even get that far. She also committed to a Friday night date....we don't see guys on weekends (hot nights) if we aren't into them heavy. The ones we don't like - we see them during the week - we stop drop and run for the one's we like (which means a weekend night commitment) Also, you messaged her and she immediately said "she was just thinking of you"?????? Sure, she was,,,,that is girl speak for I've been thinking about you SINCE I LEFT YOU......

 

33yeargirl.. your getting me all excited! stop it!

 

If all of those things you said are true, man I feel good

 

I am over my 5 year relationship, but I told her I was coming out of it, because I want her to know who I am and where I am in my life. Most people told me to hide it, but I couldn't. I didn't go on and on about it, but I just told her that meeting and kissing a girl I have just met is new to me.

 

But I hope all those things you said is true... If they are.. I'm feeling so much better

[FCTex]

It's okay to want to be thought of in a positive light by someone. It's a definate ego boost to your self esteem, especially in light of a break up of a long term relationship.

 

 

Like I've said. I wouldnt judge her too quickly, by her tone of voice or her actions, or even lack of actions..

 

Go meet her, and be the normal guy you've always been and just see how the situation feels.. See what comes of it, and as you've said, your not really looking for anything, so that only leaves you to be surprised, or it leaves you to be.... surprised.

 

Have fun, and just let it fly, you might just make a new friend to go out and have some fun with.