I feel so hurt after sending the card!!

[sweetsmile]

After a long destructive but very passionate relationship and several breakups during the years my ex finally made up his mind and told me that we really have to go on with our lives separately, since he feels that he's dying inside. He wasn't happy for 1 year with my and couldnt trust me. Well I didn't believe him when he told me 13 Oct that we have to break up for good this time and that he wants to be friends. I didn't want to be friends I said. But the day after I called him and told him that we can be friends and he said ok, but that we should never discuss feelings or try to win each other back. Anyway, I felt that i had to talk and called him everyday for 3 days and he finally answered the phone after 3 days and was feeling really bad. He felt that I'm destroying his life and that he regrets everything with my since I went out with other guys....I hurt him. But I felt that if he's angry with me, that means he still has feelings. Anyway I stopped calling him after that. But then it was his birthday this monday and I didn't knoiw what to do. I think he would get hurt if I didn't send him a card after almost 4 years toghether, but I'm not sure. Anyway I didn't send a card the same day, but met him by mistake on the street and we were both chocked and didn't even say hello to each other but just passed by like we don't know each other. I was really sad after that so the day after I sent him a gratulation card just to show him I care. But I don't know if that was good, since I feel very bad right now. He obviously doesn't want any contact with me even though he said he wanted to in the beginning. I feel so bad about this, I feel like we are enemies, strangers....it's so sad! Is this normal? I just feel like calling him but I think that he needs to be alone. Before when we broke up, we always contacted each other after 1 week or so and then we were back together again, but this time I don't dare to call him again since he didn't even say hello to me on the street. HE was the one who broke up, so why is HE so hurt. I should be more hurt than him!!!!! Please help me to understand him, how he's feeling. I know I've done alot of bad things, dating his best friends and going out with other guys, but that was when we had a break. I don't know what I want, I guess I don't want him back since he doesn't have confidence in me, but I would like to be his friend and to talk to him sometimes.

[Serendipity1607307077]

When you guys split up those times, did he see other people or was it just you? Maybe he felt like even though you two were separated, he exercised restraint and used the time to calm down and regain his composure, while you went out and saw other people... maybe that upset him a bit...

 

He is trying to deal with his feelings towards you - he is in a lot of pain from when you hurt him, trust is such a big thing, and to regain it takes a lot. I don't think he hates you, I think he just needs to figure out how to address you... he might have anger from when you guys broke up that he is still getting over..

 

When you saw each other in the street, did you say hello to him? Maybe he feels the way you did in the street - like maybe he found you to be a bit hostile and so did the same thing? I know it sounds a bit silly but maybe that's what happened - he was waiting for you to say hello first, and you didn't, so he didn't...

 

I'm sorry to hear that you broke up, and under such circumstances... but I think he is probably feeling more pain than you - he had to deal with the mistrust. He probably still loves you, but thought that breaking up would be a better idea than putting himself through a similar situation again...

 

I dunno.. my two cents.. (and I'm not having a go at you, that's just what I feel is happening.. it's a tough situation!)

[Dregnought]

to put it simple - forget him. For Good. The sooner, the better.

[CATLOVER]

Um did you say you dated his best friend while you were broken up......Um that would probably be a bit too close to home for any guy or girl for that matter.......he might not get past that......

[sweetsmile]

Well, I was chocked when I realized it was him on the street so when I saw him he was like in front of me....and he at first didnt see me either, but when he saw me he just continued to walk. I didn't say hello at first, but after he was almost passing by I did say it, but got no reply. Everything that you say is true. He must be even more hurt than me, but when he found out about me seeing his best friends he still wanted me back and he told me that he was able to forgive me for that. But then, after a while the thoughts came back and he couldn't trust me. He didn't see anyone while we broke up from what I know. But he read my diary and found out everything that I did while apart. He was really hurt.

 

I know I should forget about him, but since I feel that I did so much wrong and so many mistakes it's hard for me to forgive myself for hurting him so much. Why is he so upset about all that happened several months ago? Why didn't he think about it then and why did he still want me back then? Now it's hard for me, since I thought he accepted everything and he still loved me. I would so much like to talk to him, but I am sure he doesn't want to, since he is so upset with me. All his anger is coming NOW by some reason!!

[CATLOVER]

Well its possible he shoved it down (the anger that is ) because he wanted to try for the relationship. And unfortunately he has not been successful and its rearing its ugly head.....just a guess

[Dregnought]

yeah thats it. i still think aobut relationships months ago and try to put together al the pieces.

 

now a diary is not a bad idea... just remember to write in the dam thing, lol.

[sweetsmile]

I sent the card 1 day too late for his birthday but he dosn't reply or say thank you. I feel that if I never ever contact him again, he'll forget about me. I don't know how to react? What do you think is the best in this case? I think that this time he is sure of his thing, sure of not wanting to be hurt anymore. But when I think about it like 2 months ago, he seemed the same way but when I called after a week he agreed on one more chance. That's why I have difficulties on just leaving it. There might be another chance; how do I know he really means it for sure this time?

[Dregnought]

doesnt matter - he doesnt appear to care, just let it go.

forget about him. its not worth it anymore.

[Serendipity1607307077]

There is nothing wrong with being amicable after a relationship break up, but it seems that he has pretty much given up altogether. You have made the effort to reach out to him as a friend and as support to him, and he has not responded.

 

I think he is trying to get a handle on it all still, so maybe just leave him be, leave him to deal with his thoughts and feelings.. but perhaps send him an email or a card to just say that you understand his hurt and pain, you are very sorry for what you did, but you will always be there for him if he feels you need to talk, or needs someone to talk to..

 

At least then you have reached out, and the ball is in his court. At least you will know that you have done the right thing to help him.. if he doesn't respond, then he wants to deal with things in his own way.. but at least you will feel better for doing the right thing by him, well as much as you can anyway.