Girlfreind goen for three weeks.

[SlipperySammy]

Why do I have a problem with my girlfriend leaving on a business trip for three weeks? Some of you might know we have relationship issues. I think I feel if she doesn't want to sleep with me, maybe when she goes out of town she will find some one she wants...who nows though, I probaly just have trust issues. I think since my dad cheated on my mom, and I didn't see it until she figured it out, I have problems trusting people.

 

I don't know, I just don't undestant why she volunlteered to go on a three week trip..., who wants to go out of town for three weeks? I am having trouble dealing with this, and it is only six days into her trip...she called me today, and I talked to her for the first time in six days, since we have lived togethor or two years that seems like a long time...any way I talked to her for the first time in five or six days and withing five minutes she says, "I have to let you go the girls are here we are going to the bar for penny beers." WTF is that about....?

[melrich]

It's tough but what can you do...you just have to go with trusting her because anything else will eat away at you and is futile anyway.

 

I think it is always hard for the stay at home. The other partner is away like on a "holiday" and you are just doing same old stuff.

[Serendipity1607307077]

I understand the situation you are in...

 

I hate going away for business trips.. but I make sure I call my boyfriend every night and send him messages during the day...

 

I guess the only thing you can do is to trust her.. it will hurt you if you keep thinking she is up to no good..

[miracle29]

Sadly I don't think this is in your head at all. I don't think this is a "you have a trust issue" I think this is her taking your relationship for granted. I don't care who you are...if you live with someone for two years...6 days is almost UNACCEPTABLE!! She is showing blatant disrespect and then made sure before she got off the phone that she rubbed in your face that her and the girls are going to the bar to get drunk? NO way JOse..i smell a rat. I smell more than a rat, but the forum wont let me say what I really smell .

 

What you need to do is very simple and once you do it, you wont even realize that the time is going by so slow. YOU NEED TO GO OUT WITH THE GUYS. If she can go and get drunk with her best buds, and makes sure she rubs that in your face, doesnt call you for six days then as they say..."whats good for the goose is good for the gander" NOW WAIT. Notice I didnt say cheat on her, i simply said have a good time with the guys. You dont want to go out with them and cheat and then find out she was only trying to make you pay her more attention and then you end up feeling "this big" for jumping to conclusions. WHAT I SUGGESTED WAS...LIVE IT UP...Go out with the guys, have a few beers, stay out late and PARTY. This could be football games on tv at a bar or more. Just keep it in the lines of fidelity and your good time is just that...a good time.

 

Don't keep waiting by the phone, sulking over her every move. GET OUT AND GET A LIFE...and have fun. So when she gets back and tells you all her great stories..you have just as much to tell her.

 

Again, I did not say CHEAT..I said live life, and don't be a wimp waiting for her to come home so you can feel deduced to the size of a peanut. No sir...you're a man, and you're going to be manly. She'll probably respect you more for it. Don't let anyone ever step all over you....thats not what a relationship is about. I promise if you miss one of her calls, she'll all of a sudden have more time for you...all of a sudden, she will call more. But you have to live it up first. Don't worry about her...the question isnt "what is she doing tonight" the new question is what? "WHAT ARE ME AND THE GUYS DOING TONIGHT"

 

Trust me, i'm a woman telling you this.

[darkblue]

Is it necessary for her to go away?

Did she have to?

 

Do you trust her?

[SlipperySammy]

do I trust her?

 

She has never given me a reason not to trust her, but I have trust issues, because my dad cheated onm mom...and he never gave her any reason not to trust him.

[darkblue]

No no no. Not what your father done. She is not your father.

 

What has she done to deserve your suspicion?

[combat_barbie]

You don't know that she has done anything. You shouldn't think the worst it will jsut make thinsg worst. Girls can go out and have fun without cheating. Let her have her fun don't you ever want a guys night out? Well its the same thing except longer. Trust her its all you can do. You hasn't described any reason she would want to cheat (i.e. fighting, her disatisfaction, etc.) so you shoudl give her the benefit of the doubt.

[Shadows Light]

miracle29

Don't keep waiting by the phone, sulking over her every move. GET OUT AND GET A LIFE...and have fun. So when she gets back and tells you all her great stories..you have just as much to tell her.

 

Again, I did not say CHEAT..I said live life, and don't be a wimp waiting for her to come home so you can feel deduced to the size of a peanut. No sir...you're a man, and you're going to be manly.

 

I liked most of what MIRACLE had to say.. lol. Your GF has not given you reason to think otherwise... so why are you making her pay for someone elses sins. I think there is a saying about how children pay for the sins of the parents. And this was to make Parents MINDFUL about how and what they do affect their children. Even decades later. As your situation seems to be. SHE is not your father. You've gotta get this out of your head.

 

NOW... as to what Miracle said. What did you do before you met your GF? What kind of activiites? Who were you before you became a couple? Those are the things that impressed her. The fact that the both of you had LIVES and were living and enjoying them... sparked you. TOO often I think.. couples start living ONE life. Which is good.. I mean you have a life together. Thats what its all about. BUt they forget to cultivate their OWN lives. And they forget to LIVE. And allow each other the lattitude to live.

 

I'm not saying you both should start carousing and habitually going out separately. But some.. SOME separateness is good. GO out with the guys and have a good time. WINDOW SHOP but please don't touch or cross the lines. If you catch my drift. Find things to do to make you happy. Go to see a movie with a friend. OR... go check out a band at a local blues club.. or jazz club.. what ever floats your boat.

 

Don't wimp out and pine away at home...biting your nails and worrying about her having a GOOD time.

 

Personally... I hate going on business trips, initially. I have tonz of prep work to do at work and at home before I go. AND then when I am on one.. well, the work part ehhhh its ok. It breaks up the routine of the everyday hum-drum at work. BUT then when I get there.. what I really enjoy.. its like a PAID VACATION. Small parts of it. I get to go to a HOTEL..where someone else cleans my room. No need to worry about what to wear.. I packed matching outfits. No need to cook.. we go out to eat, to 5 star restaurants.. I am wined and dined. And its a gooooooood feeling. And I don't have to wash dishes afterward. And yeah... I get to have a few laughs, meet new people and see and learn new things. Did I ever cheat? NOPE. Was I ever tempted to? NOPE. Could I have??? heck, anyone can.. you don't need to hit a different zip code or state to do that. So quit your worrying.

 

And a 3 week trip. Well.. yeah I'd go. For all of the above mentioned reasons. But also..if I do a good job then.. it means it'll look good on my review. And maybe I'll get a possible raise. WHICH by the way.. benefits the both of you. Soooo chill out.

 

Go out and live your life. When she comes home gushing... make sure you have stories of your own. Don't guilt her out. Doesn't look good.

 

Not calling you for 5 days.. ehhhh yeah. I can see where you'd feel piqued about this. Soooo.... does she need a bit more attention??? Is she trying to get your attention?? While you are out having a good time with the guys. Start thinking of ways to start her engines. What is it that she exactly wants or needs from you? What do you need from her?

 

Thinking she's cheating... even remotely. no no no no no. This seed.. once planted will grow like a weed. Get it out of your head. Its trouble. Go on a witch hunt...and your likely to find a witch.

[SlipperySammy]

I am not trying to make her pay...I just feel uneasy that is all. I wish I didn't, and that is why I made this thread. Ofcourse she shoul be able to go out with frinds and do what ever she wants, and ofcouse she should be able to do whatever and I should trust her. This is my issue, and I am not proud of it. In my defense, it isn't easy realizing the father you knew and loved was living a double life, and evrything you knew for twentie years was a lie...becasue of this I just have trouble trusting I guess. It isn't her fault and she has never done any thing for me to not trust her...but niether did my fathor so in my mind I realize that these thngs can happen and it makes it hard of me.

[Shadows Light]

Slippery Sam... how is your relationship with your father today? Have you talked to him about this and tried to understand him?

 

I'm sure your father loved your mother very much at one time. But life took over...and that love slipped away. I'm sure he never intended it to. They say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. It just happened to him Slippery Sam... and he chose a different path. He was unhappy. Maybe he tried to work at it, maybe he didn't. Maybe he didn't know how to work at it... or have the skill set to fix it. Who knows? am guessing. If he couldn't fix it... yes, he should have chosen a different route and gotten out differently. I'm sorry he didn't. At any rate what is done is done. Now where do you go from here? There's a lot of healing going on. I liken it to a cut. A cut that is made intentionally can be repaired easier by a surgeon. But this feels like a tear... and its much more difficult to repair. And there will be more scar tissue. But heal it must.

 

So... if you can talk to your father with an "OPEN" mind. And let the healing begin. Try forgiving him is sins. After all he's only a mortal... he's only human. We all know how higlhy fallable we are.

[SlipperySammy]

As for my father I havn't spoke to him in several years. He is a socio-path and a liar. He tries to say the rigth things, but gets caugth lieing over and over so it is pointless to converse with him. Last I heard he said to my mom, "I pray every day to the lord to forgive you for taking my children away from me." Come on...he is stupid and crazy. He blew countless amounts of money on prostitues and god knows what for years and lies and lies and just keeps lieing and blames my mom...her only mistake was staying with him, after he stopped sleeping with her, half way through there marrage.

 

I can't forgive him, he is to crazy, stupid, and bent on lieing for me to forgive. You must understand we had a very normal existence and suddenly his lifestyle was made apparent to us, and it became a reality that he had been living this lifestlye for long time, which in turn made the constructs that I based my reality on crumble and I had to realize everything in my life up until then was all based on a lie...this is not easy to imagine unless you have had it happen.

[Shadows Light]

Yikes! That is pretty deep. Your mom did a great job hiding all that for as long as she could.

 

Well then... forgive him for being an idiot and a louse.

 

Don't know quite what to tell you Slip... except that you can't base your current relationship on past hurts. You've got to find a way to get over this or its going to grow into something bigger.

 

I have a friend who won't "have" children. He thinks he's going to break the cycle by "Not" having children. His dad was an alcoholic who abused his wife and finally killed her. My friend is terrified of having the same kind of anger and not being a good dad. Didn't stop him from Marrying.. he's a wonderful husband. Just has a tick about having kids. I think he did himself a disservice by not being able to work through his dads stuff.

[Serendipity1607307077]

I have trust issues with my partner too, believe me..

 

My dad had an affair with another woman when I was five years old and I had to deal with having to help my mum through the hard times from such a young age..

 

I can't even let my boyfriend out of the house at night with his friends unless I am there, because I simply can't trust him... I mean, I know he loves me and he won't cheat, but it's always there in the back of my mind..

 

I have only just started talking to my dad after five years of no communication.. it's a bitter sweet thing..

 

I guess the thing for you to do is to talk to her directly. Ask her if she is cheating on you... you can't just sit there and hope she isn't doing anything (i know that's different to my last post, but I have been thinking on it for a few days!).... I think you are going to have to talk to her about it... the thing that does it for me is that she hasn't called you..