Why is it this way when there is still feeings????

[Paperstreet]

I just don't get it........

 

This is my first post on here. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend back in june. We had a rocky relationship over two years that had issues that never seemed to get solved. I took it really bad (considering I was the one who ended it initially!) and dragged out a horrible break-up drama. We still kept talking and she kept to a promise that she would never go back with me. It was really hard to deal with because she would say things and act like she wanted me back. But still kept to her promise. This left me very confused. I ended up sinking into a depression and acted out in ways that were out of character for me. The drama went all the way till the end of August, where we forced NC on each other. In September, I really started to get my mind off things by keeping myself busy. It was working well (besides a few weak moments where I attempted contact). I ended up meeting a really nice woman and dating again. Well last Saturday, I got a call from the ex. She left me a message asking if I had called her with a blocked number and telling me not to call. So what do I do? Call her to tell her it wasn't me and that I had moved on from that relationship with someone else. She was surprised that I had called and said that it was alright to talk again. I left the conversation brief and said that I would call her on her Birthday. Her birthday was today. I called and acted really aloof (trying to hold back any old feelings). She saw right through it and asked me why I was acting so weird. It made the conversation awkward and we ended it after a few minutes. I couldn't concentrate after the call because of the way I had acted, so I called her back to apologize for my behavior. We got into the topic of the old relationship and she told me that she still has those old feelings for me. She said that she doesn't want to see me/talk more often because she doesn't want to have us grow together again and fall back into the old relationship. We both have family/friends that do not approve of the other because of how we treated each other (She emphasized that one). So we ended with saying that we would talk in the future, sometime...... So what can I make of this? Why is it that we both want to be with each other, but there is nothing that can be done about it? It is just really frustrating to me. I don't understand that it just ends when we both tried so hard, when we both want it to work out. I know she is feeling somewhat the same right now. I just don't get why love works this way. Why it holds on for so long. It seems that what I would've called love, is now just plain painful. This sucks coming this far and feeling this bad. I guess that all I can do is LEAVE this behind and have fun with the wonderful girl I have been dating. Kinda sucks when you set your heart on something and it stays there.

[melrich]

You can take two views of fulfilling desires. Short term and long term. My guess is your ex is taking the longterm view...I really like this guy but I know it won't work long term...rather than...I really like this guy so I should just go with my immediate feelings and not worry about teh future.

[Trax]

I think that you should just go to NC with her at this point. You've got another lady in your life now so concentrate on that. Why dig up old feelings if you both know it isn't going to work? Perhaps one day you two can be friends but only after a long time apart.

[Paperstreet]

I am going to stay NC. It really sucks going down memory lane when its only been two months. I just goes to show that we need more space. I'm glad that it ended on a good note. We don't have to be uncivilized to each other if we happen to cross paths. I just have a lot of regrets about the way I acted and I know NC is the only way to let it go. Because nothing her/I say will erase it.