why is this happening?

[lgirl]

hello everyone,

 

can anyone suggest HOW i can stop images of my exbf's betrayal of me coming into my head all the time? it's been 6 months now since we split up (or rather he totally trashed our r/shp) and i practically think of 'him', have all his bs replayed in my head, every single day!! worse still, i'm still so angry about it; i want to destroy him (and her!!). i harbour terrible revenge fantasies towards him and i am getting sick of not being able to shake this crap from my mind. also, i can't imagine that having all this negativity weighing me down is good for me either...

 

i don't understand why when i've already thought about it (involuntarily i might add) and it's hurt me a 1000 times already, it's still coming back and haunting me!! i keep picturing how he ended up in her bed, what they did – all the most awful details... i can't stop replaying it all in my head (when i least expect it) and i have had enough!! i have tried channelling it through sport (you'd think the boxing i do would help, but NO!!).

 

short of getting on a plane and going pout there and killing them both, how else can i get over this/find a way to drop it? i can only imagine myself feeling better knowing that he is suffering too or has dropped dead – then i might get closure!!

 

i am so annoyed and fed up with myself that it all keeps coming back to me. please help!!

 

thanks a lot!!

[yeawutever]

He's the one that betrayed u sleeping with the other girl, he should feel bad and angry with himself, NOT U. Its been 6 montsh already since u guys broke up, so its so over long since, u should be meeting new people, talking to ur friends, doing excercies and activities u do. Don't u got anyhting to do than think about that ******* who gots no morals. And if u do somehting like u say u wanted to hurt them both, u'll end up in jail. And jail is no fun, u'll then regret wut u did out of revenge. Vengeances get u nothing but trouble.

[Bethany]

Stop fighting your thoughts, let them come and try NOT to make them stop, they have to run a natural course and you trying so hard to stop thinking them is just making you worse. Let them come.

They are only becoming bigger in your head because you are becoming afraid of thinking them, like you think your going mad or something but your NOT.

Whats behind the thoughts is more important and thats your FEELINGS and you cant run far from feelings. Look at what is happening to inside with interest rather than fear. Stop being afraid of your thoughts and the feeling that come with them and eventually your reactions will calm and you will regain peace of mind.

[Jessika1]

I know its hard to get over a guy that you like, but the best way to get him out of your mind is if you meet a new guy. Ive been in this situation before so I know what your goin through, just MEET A NEW BOY! LOL

[lgirl]

Ailec1987, thanks for what you said!! i hope he feels bad and angry with himself (he really let himself down, was "out of character" he said). if i knew that's how he felt, i'd feel better, for sure. i just want 'justice' to be done; he was so unnecessarily cold and cruel to me on top of the cheating at the end and i just want him to feel the same pain; for what goes around to come around on him. that's where the 'revenge' thing comes in. just want him to hurt the way i've been hurting...

 

as for meeting new people i don't get much time after work and my friends and family all think i should be over him/it by now and don't want to know. and i do a lot of exercise, try to channel my anger that way, but NOTHING WORKS!!

 

i appreciate what you said Bethany, but i am sick and tired of these thoughts dominating my mind; they have more than run their course for 6 WHOLE months. how much longer is it going to go on?? the worse thing is it's me doing it to myself – me hurting myself by remembering. but even that doesn't seem to stop the thoughts and feelings. what lies behind them is anger and hurt, so how do i get rid of all that? it's really getting me down that i'm not free of this TOXIC mess he left me with...that i'm still paying for his nasty, sleazy behaviour.

 

oh, and as for meeting a new guy? i'd love a new man to distract me, but i despair of finding one. i originally wanted to replace my ex double-quick, but now i don't know what i want. i feel extremely hopleless about everything and i'm still too mindf***ed to deal with a new r/shp. still too emotionally up and down if i'm honest. the whole experience has just confirmed my worst fears about getting close to someone, trusting them, opening my heart. am not going to do that again. it's just not worth it

 

i feel so trapped, and so incredibly low most of the time... it kills me that i haven't been able to shut him out, cut him off, adopt the attitude that he's not fit to lick the s**t off my shoes. mostly i just feel depressed

[spiderman_56]

I think a new relationship will be a bad idea... u won't give it the credit it deserves..

stop beeing angry , wish him well and forgive him ..

you will not get past this if you keep nurturing the anger u have towards him .. accept it happened and forgive

[lgirl]

thanks – i don't think i'm up for a new r/shp; can't afford to trust again after this. i am coming to terms with what happened s-l-o-w-l-y, but i will never forgive him for what he did to me!! (not to bore you with the details but he was inexcusably cruel; twisted mind games; sadistic betrayal...)

 

i hope he reaps what he sowed

[ratherbesailing]

Igirl - You've got to read this book: Letting Go: A 12-Week Personal Action Program to Overcome a Broken Heart (Mass Market Paperback)

by Tracy Cabot. You can get it on Amazon or the book store.

 

You will soon realize that he was slime and that you deserve much better. You won't need revenge anyhow, he'll blow the new relationship to bits eventually without any help from you. Mean people don't change.

 

I know it is hard now but it gets better. If you've gone through 6 months of it already you'll break through the other end soon. You aren't alone. There are enough mean people out there that millions of us have gone through beytral. You may not trust the same way or so completely again but perhaps we shouldn't. You'll have a better idea what to look for and stay away from next time.

[lgirl]

thanks for your words Ratherbesailing - it's mainly pure rage that i feel rather than having a broken heart that i have a problem with. that and an extremely bruised ego + any shred of self-confidence i had knocked out of me; my self-esteem is on the floor

 

glad you said he's going to screw any new r/shp up himself. i just read this stuff about passive-aggressives and he fits the profile to a T, so i'm thinking he's not going to change the way he is over night or any time soon, which means he's going to do the same to any woman he gets involved with that he did to me. this is like a revelation for me, the idea that he is such a loser and is going to carry on being the same, he can't help himself in a way. such a revelation b/c i totally bought into it being all my fault. and it had nothing to do with me! don't know why i'm hooked in to it all still...

 

anyhoo, thanks again.