Take the L out of Lover and its OVER!!!

[sibling295]

Hi All , well first let me say that this forum is awesome!!!!

 

My Old Story: I was in a great relationship with this guy I fell in love with from day 1. It lasted 17 months. We were best friends. Then one day he came over and told me I deserved better. He would never Marry me or ever get married for that matter - and never wants kids. He told me to find a better man than him. I cried, I begged, I FAKED being happy about the break up. I planned, i outlined a whole get back together fantasy relationship. One where i felt loved again and validated. Over the next 3 weeks i remained his friend with Benefits. I proclaimed my love to him and said I would wait it out till he came back.He lovingly(LOL) held me in his arms and said"I know you will, honey" Then this morning came after two days spent together that were just like old times.He called me to tell me he had dinner with his father and his father explained to himhis families curse on all the men. The curse will not allow them to get close to women. His father and all his brothers are OLD men and SINGLE - BTW!!! well i cant handle it anymore , i told him good luck with the curse but i want to be normal. He said Good luck with that and as far as i am concerned its officially over. I am out. Forget it. I am officially in charge of my life. I will choose what man I allow to love me and my family. It's a new start. I am not even going to allow myself to be hurt by this mid life crisis freak of nature. The day he came over to my house (Sept 26) was the day it really ended. It took me what 3 and a half weeks now to see the little boy behind the man , but thank god i did. BTW- I am hot , and he's not even decent looking.

MY NEW STORY- Fresh from a break up is gonna be hard. But with this forums help i am gonna write my story to finding myself and perhaps a healthy REAL relationship. There will be NO CONTACT with my last boyfriend. If he tries in any way to contact me , i will simply say "i want nothing to do with you or your issue's , i consider you to be a freak"

I do still have stuff at his place - but i know i will get it all eventually - and its nothing i need right now. I am offficially taking the L out of LOVER. And its OVER!!!!!!

[eimono]

Congratulations on ending a bad relationship.

 

It's the first step towards healing and finding a good person!

 

It can be so hard for us to come to the point when we see the light. Just remember to be strong and stay committed to yourself and your boundaries. If you feel weak come back here or get a friend to spend time and support you.

 

I know for myself, I'm still in the danger zone where I can't make up my mind if I've had enough abuse from my GF. I see the light but I'm afraid of it right now.

 

Redefine who you are, get your boundaries (things you need and won't take in a relationship) back up. Work on yourself then find the right person who matches it.

 

Good luck, this is a great time for you!

[sibling295]

I am stealing Annie24's advice to someone else and taking it on as my new life starts

"I think it's just better to pretend that he is in a coma while you get on with your life. Whatever helps you move on."

Thats PERFECT!!!! My poor ex boyfriend - he is in a coma you know. I only hope i can heal soon. BTW_ When i was in my early twenties , i had this girlfriend who got dumped harshly by her boyfriend of like 3 years. When i saw her again like 6 months later she was fine and was dating again. I asked her how she got over him , she said "I pretended he was cancer. And I was gonna do everything to not let him infect me. I completely associated any thoughts of him to cancer. and it worked!"

Does anyone else have any stories like that?

[sibling295]

thanks eimono !!!! I love your character too. I am trying to find one for me - but i dont know how to do it. Thanks for the encouragement. Its a great time for all of us !!!

[sibling295]

Hey Rascal

This is the thing - see I AM HOT !!!!!!!!

Hahahahahalololololololol

 

I dont want him to come running back - i just want to meet someone else in due time of course .

 

So whats your story?

[sibling295]

oh yeah -

and he cant come running back - you see he's in a coma. I hope i can heal soon......

LOLOLOLOLOL

[neallo82288]

My only advice is to tell you that DON'T bother to tell him anything else. If he calls don't answer. If he tries to contact you ignore it and don't say a word. Answering his calls gives him the feeling that he is still in control, if he doesn't get ahold of you then he MIGHT know that it is truly over, but by you answering his calls he thinks that he might still get through to you.

 

AVOID him and you will get him out of your system.

 

BTW congratulations on a very important step on the road to healing.

[sibling295]

neallo - your advice sounds good.

I will not answer any of his calls. Your right . I mean when other friends were horrible to me i just cut them out of my life. There is no difference here. Thanks- i will need your wisdom for a while so please check up on me for sometime. Thanks!!

 

Has anyone ever read any good books on rebuilding self esteem?

[sibling295]

Well..... Welll.... wellll..... its been what like 5 hours and he is already emailing. Guess he didnt hear me when i said good luck with your curse.

 

He sent me an email regarding some elephant with some growth because of a curse. Oh even in a coma he is humorous.

 

I did not reply - infact i deleted it.

 

I have taken the L out of lover and its OVER!!!!!!!

[sibling295]

Now he is calling my cell phone , boy for a man who is in a coma he sure can do allot .

 

I feel good about this ignoring thing.

 

Oh now he is calling again. I am excited now that I get what I want in a relationship , Geez , i hope he doesnt drive over here. Maybe i will leave for a couple hours.....

[sibling295]

He left a message - "Hey give me a call when you get this"

 

I deleted it. I am deleting him.

[sibling295]

Now he is calling me from his work . Thank god for Caller ID!!!

What a weirdo , almost 2 years i gave him. All of my love , loyalty and for what?

I feel like and i told him this like 2 weeks ago - Like we were driving along the freeway going like 70 mph. When all of a sudden he reached over and opened my passenger door and pushed me out.

 

Well now I will drive myself. I take care of myself , I picked myself up off the side of the freeway and dusted off my clothes. It took me 3 weeks to walk to the nearsest gas station , but i got myself there and i am just waiting for the taxi to take me home again.

[rascal]

Hey Rascal

This is the thing - see I AM HOT !!!!!!!!

Hahahahahalololololololol

 

I dont want him to come running back - i just want to meet someone else in due time of course .

 

So whats your story?

 

First of all, i think somebody(moderator) deleted my first post b/c I dropped an f-bomb. Lighten up, people!

 

Anyway, sib, my story is a long and complicted (read-ridiculously stupid on my part) one that I will share with you at some point. Not tonight however. Tonight I think we should all say a prayer for sibs' ex b/f. Who wants to bet me that this dude shows up here all full of remorse and regret by the end of the week? Username: comaboy? cancerman?

 

i almost feel bad for the guy and what he's about to go through. sibs' taking no prisoners. this guy is in for some pain. bring the pain, sib!!! and document it here for all to see!!!

 

seriously, how hot are you!?

[sibling295]

Rascal - you are my hero!!!!!

Comaboy, cancerman LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!

 

He just called me again. I am going to take off for the evening.

 

Forgetting him and his family curse ! What a weirdo . I cant believe i ever loved him.He is a L-O-S-E-R!!!!! And i hope he fullfils his self indulgent family prophecy. W-E-I-R-D-O !!!!

 

and as far as hot goes ----- think Cindy Crawford hot. I meet men everyday. Everywhere. Never gave anyone a chance. Told EVERYONE i met "the one" and all my girlfriends said "are you sure ?? he's not even cute, we know you like nerds but are you sure" Boy was i an idiot.

 

and to think i cried like a baby for three weeks over him. Begging, pleading, creating fantasies in my head.

 

My taxi has arrived.and I'm getting in.

[eimono]

Be careful sibling,

 

I all hear in your messages is anger, pain, and revenge. While it's ok to feel that for a while, don't let it consume you. You need to feel the other emotions to heal as well. Don't forgot the good times you had, and don't forgive/forget the bad ones either. Look at your actions, where did you let him do things that you wouldn't let a friend to do you. Find out where you let yourself down. Learn from the past...

 

Healing is important to *you*, do it for yourself. You have to heal if you ever want to be in a loving relationship down the road. Trust me on this, I'm speaking from experience. I didn't heal, I didn't allow myself to feel anything but hate and anger. And it's ended up hurting me and the person I tried to get involved with.

 

Good luck, and please read more on the forums for more advice.

[sibling295]

`Thanks Eimono - I hear what you are saying about the anger issues here.

And yes i do agree with you - I AM MAD.

I am mad i gave my heart ,my family and my life to this guy who in return told me his family has a curse.

I'm mad that i was continuing to give myself up physically to a man who summed up our relationship with childish tale (curse??)

And i deserve to be mad geez its only day 1 here.

Perhaps i should give myself a time limit on being mad. Maybe till Sat of this week.

I only woke up today feeling like i was being used. And you know what I WAS BEING USED!!! So yes i am mad - and i've got 3 days left to be mad .

I will feel many more things in this time to come. I know this. I am not afraid of this. I am ready to feel it all.

 

And actually getting mad is a good thing for me - I allowed him to use me as a doormat even before he broke up with me.

Hence - The old " I know you will stick around and wait for me , honey"

And HE TOTALLY BELIEVED THAT!!! UNTIL THIS MORNING!!!!

 

Sorry -Hopefully i wont be bitter for much longer

[sibling295]

BTW- he has continued to call me every hour .

[polaris]

Every hour? Sounds like you need to put him in a coma for real. (j/k!) You'll seriously need to find some way to stop him from contacting you soon. At the moment, it's gratifying, but shortly, it will start to interfere with healing.

 

It's probably good to put a time limit on being mad as you have done, even though you'll probably still be mad at him for a while afterwards. It's a natural reaction after a breakup for someone who is trying to preserve high self-esteem (and good on you!), so you're right not to beat yourself up over it yet.

 

I like the freeway analogy btw.

 

Good luck to you.

[sibling295]

He just sent another email all it said was

"where are you????"

 

I have unplugged my house phone and turned off my cell phone.

 

I want him to stop contacting me.

Didnt he get it this morning when i hung up on him and said "Good luck with your curse"

I wish he would just go away. But i will continue to ignore him. As long as it takes. He will get the idea soon enough, i figure.

 

i am allowing myself one bitter statement a day about him now:

so here is tonights: He is obviously so pathetic!

Thank you all for listening and good night.

Gym early in the morning!

[Juha]

Hey Sibling or should I say Cindy C....Way to go girl stand up for yourself and don't take his crap anymore....

 

I would have asked him:

 

How come your family has not seen a witch doctor to remove the curse???

 

This reminds me of a Smiths song "Girlfriend in a Coma" guess you would have to change it to boyfriend...

 

Get the anger out but in a constructive way, take some boxing classes...

 

Be strong, be happy...... 8)

[sibling295]

well i come home from the gym to the following: a text: pleaseplease callme

2 home machine messages: why are u not answering your phone (it was unplugged)

and a ringing phone .My family was there so I looked at caller id ,it was him.I said it was a sales call and not to answer. Well he kept calling . So i picked it up and walked into the other room. Where I said , Do Not Call Me Ever Again. He broke down in tears. Why Why Areyou doin this. I am shocked ( Sounded allot like me on Sept. 26) I said its over thats it... good bye. He said what happened , everything was fine ,i was just at your house on MOnday. I said I dont like the way you treat me. Its over , goodbye. " and hung up.

 

Then my neighbor told me he drove over here at 5AM!!!!

 

I am not going tobe a bitter women. I want to find happiness ,soI will just repeat my new MANTRA or affirmation- whatever the new agers say-

 

I give my self permission to get what I want

 

Thanks for listening!

[sibling295]

Now the voice messages are coming: "whats going on here ??/Who have you been talking to???Whereis this coming from???"

Then the pleading " I understand if you dont want to talk to me , i'm just soooo confused"

Now the angry text message : What the (insert bad word with a F here) Happened???

 

Oh do i know how he is feeling. I have been there the past 3 weeks. I too was in shock , I was devistated. So I hung on to every word. I prayed that he would come back , I was heartbroken. I tried everything. I was heartbroken.

 

And then one mention of some family curse - woke me up.Is this guy for real??? He sounds wacky!!! And then I saw him for what he really was. A frightened mid life crisis old man. A peter pan. An eternal bachelor.

We all deserve to do what makes us happy. Get married , stay single , have children , dont, whatever -

Its my turn at a piece of the pie now.

I feel sorry for him. I want to forgive him for dumping me , I feel , i feel ,i feel. I feel its time for me to for the first time in 15 years to think of me and my happiness. I have taken care of allot of people - I am still taking care of people- I want to be taken care of . I want someone to care for me .

I give my self permission to get what I want.

[rascal]

wow. unbelievable. poor guy.

[sibling295]

hey rascal - how's it goin? You were right about this guy, man. !!!!

[rascal]

did you get my last PM?

 

yea, I saw this coming a mile away. i could tell by your attitude that this guy was in trouble. take it easy on him. not.