5 months since we broke up and I finally answered his call

[Akua]

So here is the past:

link removed

 

I answered his call and that was the first sign that i was over the relationship...or at least strong enough to handle what he was going to throw at me. He broke up with me. I stopped talking to him immediately. The more he said and did the less sense he made and the more he hurt me. In a nutshell, we were going to get out of a long distance relationship by me moving with him to Cali bc he was in the military. The catch, he didn't even know if he was going to cali. GOt his orders to go to school for 6 months and then where he will be sent is then deicded. Before going to schooll, He broke up with me saying I shouldn't give up everything to follow him and i would be miserable. Made no sense to me...just say you are not into me, don't give me bs answers like that. I told my mom that he will get orders to be near me and he will be miserable at school especially without me, and then he will come after me and realize I am done with him.

 

It all happened as I suspected. He is way too predictable. Don't play games if you can't play them right. So he calls as my birthday was this past weekend and i thought I deserved a "happy birthday" from him especially after a year and half relationship, whether I was talking to him or not. So I answered the phone. I was finally ready to face him and realize that I am not going to jump into his arms. I was curious...and my curiosity proved my prediction right. He kept asking if I had a bf and told me he doesn't have a gf. He wants me to meet his new friends and he will be up in my area. He kept asking if he could talk call me more. With all of it I was very vague saying "We'll See." THere is a lot to catch up with in 5 months especially with 2 very busy people, so it wasn't the appropriate time for me to go into everything I have been thinking and him in the last five months. I regret that i didn't tell him all the things his done to make me so angry, but I think I took the high road by just listening and catching up. It was a pleasant conversation as it should be, our reltionship was based on talking on the phone.

 

But my problem is never came out and said "I MISS YOU." "I have been thinking baout everything." Instead he asked if I got his *beep* letters and what i thought about them. I just said "nothing". He asked if I hated him and i said "i didn't feel one way or another about him." WHAT IS HE DOING? Is he worried about me as a paartner or just making sure he is liked? Does he want to get back together? Was he feeling me out? Is he just trying ot make an opportunity to get since he is lonely and unhappy? It sounded liek he was choking up. I don'ot think he expected me to answer the phone. But my thing is why doesn't he just come out and say what he wants from me??!? I feel like he is trying ot mental games. If I give him an inch, he will give me more and then take it away. THis morning after our conversation he sent an email, "last night was bound to be awkward and I am sorry for that. but I am not sorry for calling you, I just wanted to talk. i hope we can talk in the future. And if you want to call me, do" WHAT IS THAT? WHAT IS HE DOING?? That sounds liek he was just checking up on me. BUt then the way our conversation was, I felt like it was him trying to figure out if I was in a relationship or not and what I was doing with my life. Is that all he was DOING? This kid is so confusing. I kinda wish I didn't pick up the phone, but hten I would have never had the satisfaction of knowing that I was always right and I know him better than he knows himself and that I finally can realize I can stop blaming myself for everything. Any thoguths anyone?

[Fivek]

He doesn't want his ego put on the line for you. He's testing the waters and if he feels that they're friendly he MAY or MAY NOT try something.

 

Honestly, he should put forth more of an effort.

[beanpaper]

He's right not to try anything.. you don't seem to respect him at all.

[Akua]

Fivek, I appreciate your honesty. I am not going ot lie, I enjoy having him call me and to a little extent enjoy the game, but in the long run it just sets my progress back. You are right, if he really cared for me and didn't just see me a s a convenience that lives closer to him and is an outlet for the bad situation he put himself in, he woudl come out right and say what he wants from me. Frankly, he should have done that a long time ago, so even if he is considering it, I feel like it is too late. Woudl I really want to wait around for someone who is not oging ot take initiative?

 

I feel stupid now for answering the phone. I wonder what he would have said on the message. This just proves a leopard doesn't change its spots. Granted he doens't even know what I am expecting from him. And really, if he did what I would have expected from him, it's too late now. I am already frustrated with him. This just shows that I want something else and he wil never get it.

 

ARGH this is so frustrating, I just feel so stupid. Everyone says I handled it well and it wasn't like I Was nervous or crying or upset...I just talked about myself and pretty much didn't respond to questions about "us" yet he is the one sniffling and his voice is cracking and prying into if I have boyfriend and who I hang out with. I am so done with games. I feel like I amk dealing with a little boy.

 

I couple of weeks beofre he called this time I realized that i could talk tohim bc I knew I didn't anything with him and he cant offer me anything, but for whatever reason I jsut want him to hear all my thoughts abou the break up and why I don't want him anymore. It's like now it is my turn to break up with him. That's why i answered the phone: I wanted to first know what it all panned out to be and I wanted to also have the opportunity to tell him everything that I have been thinking and how he did me wrong and I want to tell him these things in a mature rational manner. I don't care if it doens't touch him, it just will no longer be weighing on my chest .

 

He is very predictable so I bet he will call this weekend, drunk dial or in the next two weeks call again. Either that or he will show up at my front door. And again, it will be all this confusion again. If he calls really soon, I won't answer bc I don't want to get in the habit of talking to him...I've got my dose and I've heard enough. But if he does happen to come into town I think that woudl be an appropriate time to initiate closure. He broke up with me over the phone and hasn't communicated his feelings at all. So I will do exactly what he should have. I will see him and I will tlak tohis face and I will tell him everything that I have felt during our reltaionship and after (I have been so angry with him and I just need to tell him how hurt and wrong he was). Whether he listens to it or not, it's not important...I just want thtat opportunity to assert myself and end alll of this. If by some random moment of glory he realizes how horrible he was and can communicate with me I'll pretty much settle for a friendship that involves us sporadically emailing every couple of years. Like I said above...I am just glad that after all these months, I knew that he would be exactly where I predicted and it proves that he doens't have anything to offer me. I can now walk away knowing 1) I gave him everything and can never say I didn't try and 2) it all panned out as I expected and that is disapointing.

Seriously people, if you want to ensure that your ex will always wonder about the "what if", don't tell them anything about yourself. If I never found out what happened to my ex and where he ended up I woudl have imagined something far greater than what happened and I think it would have eaten me alive knowing that he is happier without me. He tried to put everything on me and I had no reasons so I just searched for faults in myself to give me a reason for it to end. Now I know that he really just isn't a solid person who could ever offer me anything.

[Akua]

beanpaper...i appreciate your perspective. but how could I respect someone who tried to do me up the butt when i was drunk and repeatedly said I adamently do NOT want any sort of that behavior after several different attempts. or how could a respect someone who asked to hook up with my roomate and then say it was a joke. how can i respect someone who visit his crushes from school who happen to be strippers while he is my boyfriend. how could i respect someone who mounted me while i was lying in bed sick with the stomach flu coming out both ways. how could i respect someone who expected me to pay for everything when i was making $20k less than him and live in a more expensive place. how could i respect someone who "said" he doens't drink, yet started drinking until he blacked out with me. what type of person hides from his girlfriend that he did cocain at a party. what type of person still tries to contact me after months of not hearing from me? why doesn't he get it? I think beanpaper you missed the point, he doesn't repsect anyone, especially himself

[beanpaper]

I wasn't trying to be judgemental or put you down for not respecting him. I was commenting on his intelligence for not "trying anything" on the phone when you obviously do not respect him or want him whatsoever. To try to make a move on you would've been like palming a hot oven coil.

[Akua]

yes beanpaper, it was a good idea not to make a move on me but i don't htink it takes an intelligent person to know that...it's just common sense. quite frankly, that is it. He just wants a move, it's not htat he cares for me as a person. there is the difference. conatcting somone who just wants to be cared for with the intentions on just getting some is really mean. i think you really made a good point whether you were trying to or not. but he jsut wants a move, nothing more. thanks.

[BillyJean714]

For some reason, I sense that he's just playing games. I've been in a situation similar to yours before. When we broke up, I was pretty emotionless. Then, he would come back and contact me over and over. I'm guessing, if your ex let you down once, he will do it again. If he really cherished you that much to begin with, he wouldn't have ever let you go!

 

I hate to say this, but this is how I rationalize the situation. How do you know that he isn't going around chasing his other ex's? I think if he has the heart to let you go, and then come back, to me, it pretty much sounds like he's going through a dry spell (and wants to recycle the list of numbers in his black book). Btw, I read your previous post about him. So, that's just the feelings I get from what I read.

 

If he was truly serious about you, he wouldn't be so adament about the break-up. It sounds like he just wants it convenient for him whenever he pleases. He should have really thought about it thorougly before letting you go in the first place. Any person who will easily leave you, in my eyes, is not the person I would want to cherish/keep, let alone, waste my emotions on and think about. Just think of it as his loss. He'll get over it once he finds someone new, and so will you!