how do i react?

[lonelymountian]

I dont know where to begin but i really like this site and it is consoling to know that we are not alone in our plights.

My ex and i broke up four months ago, after a relationship of 3 years. she is now 27 and i 24. There was nothing that could stop us when we were together, and we had so much laughter, smiles and affection and deep love for each other then. We split mutually after a night of fighting (towards the end it got intense), we both cried alot and werent sure if it was the right thing. Ever since we broke up we have seen each other, had dinner together and pretty much still being like the lovers we were. I believe that she is my soulmate, and want her back soo badly. i came on maybe too strong after we broke up with the gushiness ...my mistake but i was, yes, desperate...

It sounds like everyone elses (there are alot of us, no?) but i'm confused now...

We hadnt spoken for a week until today when she called me twice and left messages. I didnt call her back until tonight, and she said that she wanted to switch her phone bill out of my name and into hers ( i have been paying it b/c it not too expensive and, well I love her??) But the real thing she called about was to tell me that she misses me. We have both been doing other things and we both dated other people, but each of us confessed that we werent happy.

The hardest part of this was that i had walked by her while she was on a date. It crushed me for a while, but made me a little stronger i guess. So i told her about my date and she asked a thousand questions, and it sounded like she was the jealous one. I told her that I took a girl out, to a fancy restaurant, but i just wasnt into her. I told my ex that there is no one else i want to date. We talked a little more and started talking about how much fun we had together and reminiscing about old times...

Then we talked about hanging out again, she said she would like to see me. The hard part is that she said she doesnt want to hurt me again, and she doesnt was to have to push me away again. I told her that i realized that one cant control the universe and that there is nothing else i can do to "make" her be with me again, and said that it would be cool- we can just laugh and be sweet to each other.

I was planning on seeing her this weekend, and she says, want to have dinner tonight? I declined because i was working but said that we can hang out soon...

 

so i guess my question tonight is how do i act when we see each other? I would do anything in the world for my lady, and i know she misses me, but we cant be together right now because she doesnt know what she wants? Do i play the friend, or do i try and woo her? I dont want to do NC because i dont think i should give up like that. im no good at mind games, but do i play aloof and not tell her i think shes the most beautiful woman in existence? not hug her or kiss her? what does everyone think? how do i get the love back?

 

By the way, thank you for reading this and your responses and i hope you are all having great days and nights!

[needhelp]

I dont want to sound harsh but why is this so hard for her? She loves you, misses you but still cannot decide if she wants you?

I hope by going out with her its not going to set you back if she then decides that she is still confused.

Are you meant to wait until she is ready again.

I guess if you love her you will wait, but make sure you are not just being pushed to the side lines until something else comes along.

Go out with her and be yourself, enjoy the night and dont get too serious as it may make the night awkward. Just be you, no mind games as I am sure you know they dont get you anywhere.

I feel for you because if i put myself in your shoes I would feel nervous of the out come . Let us know how you go.

[Mamasita]

I think u need to be too cool for school with her. if it seems like she is searching for some loving reinforcement - gauge that and give it to her. women are complicated creatures, and it sounds to me like she is confused and not sure what she wants... if u back off and give her some space it might be just what she needs to realise that she wants to be with u. as long as she knows ur love is still there thats good, but no need to shower her with ur love & affection at this time. just my opinions

 

xoxReese

[heloladies21]

Even though you don't want to do it, the best thing for you to do is No Contact. It would give her the time to make up her mind and let your emotions cool down so you could deal with this situation rationally.

 

But if you feel you are not strong enough, do as you feel whenever you feel. If you wanna call her, call her. If you want to meet up and tell her how you feel and want to get back together, do that too. Don't hold anything back. It won't bring her back to you, but it will push you to the point where you'll want to go NC.

[needhelp]

So what happened? did you go

[lonelymountian]

so, to answer your question, no i didnt see her.

I saw her at the bar last night and she wanted to know where her purse was. i had sent it to the cleaners to be cleaned, bu ti got it back. so i was with my friends and she was with hers, and we said a few words and a hug and then i left because i coulndnt take it. she said she would call me today, and she did at about seven, and said she was going to play guitar with her friend and maybe we could have lunch tomorrow. i said no, and asked if she really wanted to see me. we hung up.

then i called her back and said that yes i would like to have dinner with you, and she said it would be too much.

I asked why ans she said that lunch was okay, but...then i asked her if she was still dating and she said yes she was still dating a guy she had met.

I dont know what to do...I want to write her a letter and tell her how i feel, i want her to see me as she did before, but she doesnt really want to i guess. how do i get my baby back?

im so confused..

there is no one in this world that i would rather spend my life with, no one that i care about more than her. she is my angel, and i feel my life is a wreck without her........

She is enjoying her time i know, and i know that i am the ex, but i cant give up on her. i dont want to do nc with her because i feel that when we do we only grow apart, and that is not what i want for us.

i guess im just super bummed right now at this whole thing..

But what do i di tomorrow when i see her? its going to hurt i know and i want to tell her everything that i feel, but i also want her to see that i am strong and can take care of her and show her the world..how do i react now?

Any help would be the best thing you cdan give me, thank you

[needhelp]

Man..i really think you have to do the no contact thing..She is dating someone else..dosent that bother you?

I broke up with my man today..it was mutual, the thougt of not talking to him is breaking me. But I know it has to be done.

If she has already found someone else then that should say alot for the way she feels for you.

TRY and stay away for your own sake. Its going to hurt you so much more seeing her, and knowing she does not want the relationship.

You are holding on to what used to be. Sorry if this sounds harsh but You have to look after you now..

[lonelymountian]

Yeah it bothers me alot to know she is dating.

We have been split for four months but i have always had the hope of getting back together.

It is just really hard to accept NC, i would rather have it once a week to see her and show her that i am a new person? I feel like i should try and "win her back" from this guy, and i know it impossible but if she would drop him i would be stoked.

Wont happen, yeah i know. But i just cant give up on her, on the girl i love, and i feel that NC is a sure way to do that.

If we maybe saw each other once a week? what do you think?

[needhelp]

Look, I know what you are saying. If she was not seeing anyone I would say yes do that. Do what it takes. But guess what. She is seeing someone, and that is saying something. I dont want to sound mean, but you have to be honest with yourself. Could she really feel the same for you while seeing another man?

Why dont you try going out, not dating but getting your mind off this.

I have an old saying "if you love something set it free, if it comes back, its yours. If it doesnt, it never was"

Try it. Give her space. She might come back to you realising she made a big mistake. Maybe the fact that she knows you are still there for her is a comfort and it is making things easier for her.

Look I dont know all the details. But you have nothing to lose now. Doing what you are doing is not getting her back, maybe NC will give her time and you time to figure out what is meant to be.

This is just my opinion.

I am a woman, sometimes when we know we have the power in a situation we take advatntage. Not saying she is...but just think about it.