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[Rickster]

someone told me some great advice today

 

"be the one they fell in love with"

 

 

did he fall for a clingy crying emotional wreck? nah...just be easy and take comfort in the fact that HE LOVES YOU he might just be kinda freaked.

 

I believe in that quote. Ive said it before on this forums. Not the same exact words but the same meaning.

 

 

Well, Ive not called her nor met up with her since Monday. I don't plan to call her until friday or saturday, just want to have a small friendly chat nothing more than that.

 

Natalie Julie - have you already successfully gotten back with your ex? Im just interested to know. You sound really quite happy.

[OCD]

Mornin'...just giving a quick update...nothing new to report. She hasn't called me since she said that she'd call with a time to meet last Wed...The weekend was sooo hard, I must have looked at the phone a dozen times like I was going to make the call, but I held strong. She has opened up the lines of communication, but I have yet to make a call to her. It's been 9 weeks, argh!! She's called me like 11 times now. Like I mentioned before, I only picked up the last 3 calls to chat, say hi, small talk but nice and just told her that life has been great. I'm not sure what my next move is?? I'm feeling better with NC, but I still want to hear from her...how can I do that without calling her? Letter, funny email, etc... I suppose I just need to wait this thing out. She seems to be slowly creeping back...but sometimes I get the feeling that she's waiting for me to call...is that strange? Over the weekend I went to the book store and read just about every book they had on breaks ups and getting back together. It gave me hope and during this time apart I have been thinking about ways 'I' could have done things a little better and trying to improve myself. I do want her to see the confident/good side of me. I'll just hang in there unless somebody has a great idea Thanks all, you've been a big help.

[Echo]

OCD

 

Congrats on being so strong for 9 weeks...that's really awesome!!

It's obviously working..whatever it is you're doing, so I say just keep doing what you're doing. Maybe you can give ME some tips on how to stay strong doing NC...been a struggle for me.

I wish you the best of luck

[OCD]

Thanks Echo...words like that are just the encouragment I've been living off of. It has been difficult to say the least. I can't believe I haven't called her...I miss her so much. The night she broke up with me she never really gave me a reason and just said 'she'd always love me and didn't have any answers'. So I tried like heck to call her all night to put up a fight for her. I at least had to tell her how I felt before she just cut me off...I sent one card and one text saying "I miss you can we work this out" in the following days. I got a call two weeks later in the middle of the night "just to hear my voice" she also said maybe it was a bad idea that she called...I messed that call up by asking why, blah blah blah. I started NC...hardest thing I've ever done. And yes that was about 9 weeks ago. She's called about 11 times in that time span and I only picked up the last few. So bottom line is I do think NC has worked for ME. It's giving me time to think about the relationship and my own faults. I hope she's doing the same? I'm just waiting patiently and have been seeing family and trying to enjoy life. The nights are hard though...we used to speak to each other at 10:15pm every night for almost 2 years...so I miss that. I suppose my only move is to wait it out and start moving on....

[nataliejulie]

Natalie Julie - have you already successfully gotten back with your ex? Im just interested to know. You sound really quite happy.

 

Could you tell?! \

 

Yeah -- not only are we back together, it's better than it ever has been. Talk about the past 11 weeks being the best thing that's ever happened to us.

[OCD]

NatlieJulie, you were apart for 11 weeks? There is still hope for me

[nataliejulie]

NatlieJulie, you were apart for 11 weeks? There is still hope for me

 

Yeah, 11 weeks. And this is the same guy who told me he could never see it working. Same guy who told me he didn't love me anymore.

 

But that would have never happened if I used NC.

[OCD]

That's great...so you did end up calling him, right? I'm at that stage in the game, if you will, that I could casually call her. She never called me back last week to set up a time to meet and I do not want to push her in any way shape or form.

[nataliejulie]

That's great...so you did end up calling him, right? I'm at that stage in the game, if you will, that I could casually call her. She never called me back last week to set up a time to meet and I do not want to push her in any way shape or form.

 

Call her and act like nothing happened -- no plans, no nothing.

 

She probably didn't call because she wasn't ready and didn't want to feel the guilt of never calling --- alas, never calling you back. Hell, I've done it before with people I've dated, or even guys who tried dating me.

 

I think you should give her a call, give her a sense of comfort and balance, that you aren't mad or even sunk to a low level because she never called. Be and stay strong!

[coooolsome]

Why dont you call her. She has opened the lines of communication. You did NC for a long time and you have healed a lot. You are in control of your emotions. NC isnt a game, its a way to help you heal. If you dont want her back, then go back to NC. If you possibly want her back, call her. Remember, sometimes you can't expect the dumper to do all the work. You have to do a little also. Dont let your pride or stubborness get in the way.

 

Just dont call her more than once. If she doesnt answer, leave it. Let her call you back. At least you made an effort. However, call with the expectation that nothing will happen and then go back to letting her contact you for a little while.

[OCD]

Well to be honest I was a little afraid of calling...like SuperDave and others have said...I might not hear what I wanted to hear. That's been playing in my head and I also didn't want to jump the gun. Now that she has called I supposed it is a good time to drop her a line. I might also be overanalyzing just a bit which is why I felt I couldn't call her. I'll give a call after work and see what happens...should I leave her a message if she doesn't answer? Thank you.

[biacd]

Got a question for u nat.

 

 

 

should i call her again?

[nataliejulie]

Got a question for u nat.

 

 

 

should i call her again?

 

I think it's time to wait for her to call... she wanted her space, let her have it.

[coooolsome]

biacd

 

No you should not call her. You need to do NC for a little while to heal. During this time, work on yourself. Look at the relationship and see what you could have improved. This will help you later on in life. Dont be there for her. Dont let her string you along.

[biacd]

nat: k, thanks ^_^

 

 

 

coolsome: Thanks for the advice i did what u said in the last week, and i'm actually alot better.

[selfi]

its just a few days till the end of uni, and im so scared things arent going to work out. most times heaps of hopeful signs are there, but others they're not.

 

i spoke to him on the telephone this morning, just a nice chat.

we have a theatre performance we are putting on tonight, and on the phone he thanked me for supporting him and listening to him when he got stressed out etc during rehersals.

now correct me if im wrong, but doesnt this sound very much like all he wants is to be friends or else he wouldnt have to feel obliged thank me, like i was doing him a favour (in reality im there for him because im still very much in love) ??

[Rickster]

hey just look at it this way, you've only been away for what 9 weeks. Ive been for 7months, and I still have hope even though she has a bf. Ive done 2 weeks of NC, and now I call her off and on for a friendly personal chat. So it's like Im still opening the communication path. I feel like Ive healed in a way that Im not having crazy thoughts and stuff. So I guess that 2 weeks of NC worked and now I still keep in touch with her.

[biacd]

Hey guys, time for an update!

 

 

 

 

She talked to me on msn today, we talked about stuff, not once did i bring up ANYTHING about us, she was the only one who was doing that. For eg, she would say "Did u tell anyone about us?" and "Are u over the breakup?".

 

 

well, i said i am, and to summarize everything, i told her i was mostly over the breakup, and i asked her out tml. i didn't act needy or clingy, i acted normally.

 

 

 

When she asked "Are u over the breakup?", i told her, "mostly", and i asked "what about u?". she said she still "thinks of me and misses me sometimes". i was unsure, and i didn't wanna talk about this online, so i said "Can we talk about this tml instead?(im meeting her tml)" but she said she didnt wanna tlak abt it so i said sure.

 

 

 

Am i doing right? lol. what should i do?

 

 

 

*sidenote*

 

she asked what i was up to today, i told her i was gonna go out with a friend of mine(i wasn't going to, but nat suggested that i did^^), so she asked me if it was a girl lol. i said it was, and she asked if im gg on a date lol. said no, told her just meeting up with friends. she does seem curious about her. lol.

[Rickster]

you keep talking about contacting her... makes me feel like contacting my ex. but i think its too late. probably contact her tomorrow. seems like its going good for you. my ex doesn't tell me that she misses me. i guess when we broke up i really ruined my chance. i didn't know about this forum until i got too deep into my mistake. i guess it's going alright for me, we stil talk, but im the one mostly who initiates the conversation.

[OCD]

NatalieJulie,

I set up a new subject, but I wanted to personally thank you for your encouragement yesterday...I did call, but I won't get into the whole story, read it under "Questions finally answered..." It actually was bitter sweet that I called. I got many questions answered, but she never mentioned wanting to work it out now...I'm moving forward, but I'm interested in hearing what you think. Thanks again.

[biacd]

lol.

 

 

 

she won't be on for a while, don't ask why only she can tell u why, but lets say she's a bit troubled.

 

 

take care nat!

[OCD]

That's a bummer man...hope she's ok. Thanks for this thread...it's given me strength during these tough times. Take care.

[selfi]

i cant stop crying.

i asked to speak to my ex about us after school today for a bit.

The first thing he said was "oh I just want to go home because im so tired" So I talked to him at the train station for 5 minutes or so. I asked him, without pressure and in the most neutral way, weather or not he would be open to taking things slowly and having the possibility of getting back together over the coming holidays without making any big promises. He said that by saying that its like he still having to make a promise in a way.

I also said that he knows exactly how I feel about him, and that after all this time everything i feel about him is as real as it ever has been. He told told me that im very special to him, he misses me and that he thought these holidays that maybe we could stay friends. I then told him that we have been friends for the pastt month and that I still want to see how we can go from there. He didnt give me any answers, he just looked at ground the whole time and said nothing then said goodbye.

 

He's going to talk to me tonight on the phone, for no particular reason.

I cried all the way home. This wasnt what I was expecting. The way we act towards eachother is clear to even outsiders that we having something beetween us that extends much beyond friendship. Now Im still crying. Help.

[biacd]

You shouldn't expect anything when u talk to him, didn't u learn anything? Didn't u read Nat's advice? Expecting something(like him saying yes) is a major setup for getting yourself hurt!

 

 

 

Don't think too much, and don't contact him so much.

 

 

Hang in there!

[biacd]

Time for an update!

 

 

 

Well, as you guys know, i asked my ex out. Man it was SO much fun! I was completely the guy i was before, when we first started dating, fun. I wasn't pushy(i guess i was a little at the end, but i'll get to that later), i didn't show my emotions, i didn't cry. I acted aloof.

 

 

We were in macdonalds having our lunch, then we sat there and talked. At first it was light. Nothing about the relationship, just normal talk. I gave her a movie stub(we keep movie stubs in our "love scrapbook" ^_^) that i found in my wallet, and she started crying. I didn't cry, i just consoled her. It seems as though she's not over it yet, but i controlled my emotions well.

 

The rest of the talk we started to talk about us, and i talked about me, what i've realised, what i've decided to change for my next girlfriend(i didn't say what i would change for her).

 

 

I was making jokes the whole time, and she was just laughing along with me. I got to a point when i finally asked "How about this? Let's try taking things slow, we're still single, but we'll "hang out"(she didn't like the sound of dating, so i used "hang out" instead of hang out)

 

 

 

 

She agreed, man, i couldn't tell u how happy i was. Thank god for answering my prayers!

 

 

 

We walked about the whole day, went shopping. lol. it was awesome. We held hands(not the whole day of course), and hugged too. There was this particular point in starbucks where she hugged me for quite some time. after our coffee, we decided to leave for home. This is when i started to get pushy.

 

 

 

We were talking, and i metioned something about "us trying to make things work out". She said we're not trying to make things work out, i was confused when i heard that, so i asked her a couple of questions(now that i think about it, these questions are potential questions that could push her away but i realised what i was doing and stopped immediately.

 

 

 

Well, i know i did some stuff that's definitely NOT GOOD at the end, being pushy. But what do u think of my situation now?