Urgent help.falling apart over break up and want to get back

[cybergirl]

I'm new to the site and thought it be a good way of dealing with my heart ache. I met a guy on a dating website 2 years ago. The first 6 months was good, he really liked me alot, took me on vacation and helped me fix my bathroom. Sex was the greatest I experienced in a long time since I was celebate for a few years and he was absolutely gorgeous and had a nice body. I realized we really weren't perfect match, he was conservative and I'm liberal. This upset him alot and at times he couldn't deal with my views. After 6 months he broke up with me because of stupid things like he didn't like my clothes, jewelery, and maybe he was looking for someone younger. I am 2 years younger then him. After that, the relationship was on again, off again mostly because he was confused, did not know what he wanted. I finally broke up with him one last time a few months ago. I have been grieving terribly and finally tried to meet someone online. I have been unsuccessful which depressed me even more. I only get emails from ugly old men. I am in my mid 40s but look about 35 or younger. I'm in great shape and work out. None of the guys in their 40s, attractive seem to be interested. Anyway, I'm still pretty messed up over the x and decided to contact him. He was happy to hear from me and said he would "speak to me some other time" So Sat I visted him at his job. We had pretty good conversation, I asked him if he knew what he wanted, he didn't reply. We were very tender, hugged alot, it felt like he still cared. He told me he was seeing several women, met online but he was keeping his distance. I asked him if he wanted to get togther, he shook his head. I called him today and he hesitated when he heard my voice. I didn't think he expected the call from me. But he was sick and not in a great mood. I sent him an ecard wishing him well and letting him know I care alot about him. All my friends think I'm a fool. I asked him if he would have call me again whe I saw him, if I didn't call him first, he said he didn't know. Now it's worse then before since he has other women in his life and I could not deal with seeing him seeing other women. I can't seem to let him go and I am falling apart. I can't stop thinking about him, crying and I start shaking I'm always so nervous, anxious depressed, I have tried various medications but I'm falling apart. What should I do? Thanks

[melrich]

Hi. Welcome to enotalone.

 

First I would suggest that you quit the online dating scene for awhile. If you broke up with him only a few months ago why throw yourself straight back into trying to get a relationship going?

 

Even though it was not a long relationship, you still need time to adjust and get some closure for yourself. I think you should take some time for yourself and not worry so much right now about who your next date is going to be.

[passions1]

You can't just rely on medications, but need to seek support from your family/friends & if it doesn't seem to improve then you may need to seek behavior therapy. Of course you may not want to rant/rave all the time about it with your friends, otherwise that becomes old.

 

From past online dating experience myself & having shared heartbreaks as well, that you you 2 were not compatible especially with the fact that he has moved on as well with seeing plenty of other women. Once you have learned from this experience that although he may not want you, there are plenty of other men who will want you. Build that self-confidence & respect for yourself.

 

And please do not contact him in anyway, even if he says to be friends, he is just saying that to be nice & make himself feel better. There are plenty of men out there. You just don't have to try as hard, it's true that it does happen when you're not working for it as much, but just enjoying the experience of learning about new, different people. Since there is the new age of younger men & older women, it's to your advantage. That way you learn more about yourself & what you want from a man & what you won't put up with & just leave.

[cybergirl]

I know I come accross trying to rush into another relationship. Even with all the break ups and still having a profile online, I rarely dated. I have been alone most of my life for this reason. I cannot take heart ache and all the bs that comes with it. I have not tried dating for almost 3 months as I was not up to it. Over the course of 2 years my friend and family were pushing me to date others, I may have had a couple. It was many many years that I have been "in love" and now there's a big void. I have an extremely demanding job, my health is not great at times, stomach problems due to stress so I barely have the emotional/physical energy to date. I just did this as a last straw since I did nothing for so long. My age, it gets harder and harder. Being alone is okay sometimes, but not healthy in the long run. I wasted my youth not risking love, et. My brother is in a similar situation, but he had 2 back to back long term realationships, the last one was more of a friendship. He told me last night he realizes he may be alone and he is okay with that. I have lived that most of my life. I am not rushing anything that is why I'm trying to get back with the x.