cybergirl

I know I come accross trying to rush into another relationship. Even with all the break ups and still having a profile online, I rarely dated. I have been alone most of my life for this reason. I cannot take heart ache and all the bs that comes with it. I have not tried dating for almost 3 months as I was not up to it. Over the course of 2 years my friend and family were pushing me to date others, I may have had a couple. It was many many years that I have been "in love" and now there's a big void. I have an extremely demanding job, my health is not great at times, stomach problems due to stress so I barely have the emotional/physical energy to date. I just did this as a last straw since I did nothing for so long. My age, it gets harder and harder. Being alone is okay sometimes, but not healthy in the long run. I wasted my youth not risking love, et. My brother is in a similar situation, but he had 2 back to back long term realationships, the last one was more of a friendship. He told me last night he realizes he may be alone and he is okay with that. I have lived that most of my life. I am not rushing anything that is why I'm trying to get back with the x.

I posted a long email on the getting back together site. I'm not sure if it's reached here. I am soooo heart broken over my ex. We know eachother for 2 years, the relationship has been on and off after the first 6 months. He is confused and looking for "the perfect woman" although he claims he's not unrealalistic or superficial in his quest...quoted from his online profile. Well I finally broke up with him several months ago after spending a great day, night together. He helped me fix my a/c and I bought him some of his favorite foods. Even though the realtionship was not steady, he would call regularly. Then we would finally hook after after several weeks and then he would not call until I called him. He could be spiteful and I think plays games, not sure if this is how he truly felt or needed space. I couldn't deal with being intimate, helping eachother and then now speak for a couple of days so I ended it. I did nothing for several months and I have not heard from him. I broke down and finally called him, he was happy to hear from me. I then visited him at his shop, he was surprised but sort of happy to see me. We hugged alot, he still seemed confused. He is dating several women, I can't even get one date! But he is keeping his distance..this is what he says. I asked him if he wanted to get together some time, he shook his head, that was Sat. I called him today and he hesitated, then he said he wasn't feeling well. I went blah blah and went on and on about my weekend at my mom's and the flooding they got with all the rain here in the East. He just said, good thing to buy a pump but he was busy, he had to go, talk to you sometime. It's even harder knowing he's dating and getting together with him. At least before, he didn't date. Tell me am I wasting my time, is there hope, does he not love me? I think he may care, but not to the extent that I do...I'm falling apart and don't know how to move on. Months have past and I've done nothing, talked to friends, counseling, but I'm still hopelessly in love with him.

I'm new to the site and thought it be a good way of dealing with my heart ache. I met a guy on a dating website 2 years ago. The first 6 months was good, he really liked me alot, took me on vacation and helped me fix my bathroom. Sex was the greatest I experienced in a long time since I was celebate for a few years and he was absolutely gorgeous and had a nice body. I realized we really weren't perfect match, he was conservative and I'm liberal. This upset him alot and at times he couldn't deal with my views. After 6 months he broke up with me because of stupid things like he didn't like my clothes, jewelery, and maybe he was looking for someone younger. I am 2 years younger then him. After that, the relationship was on again, off again mostly because he was confused, did not know what he wanted. I finally broke up with him one last time a few months ago. I have been grieving terribly and finally tried to meet someone online. I have been unsuccessful which depressed me even more. I only get emails from ugly old men. I am in my mid 40s but look about 35 or younger. I'm in great shape and work out. None of the guys in their 40s, attractive seem to be interested. Anyway, I'm still pretty messed up over the x and decided to contact him. He was happy to hear from me and said he would "speak to me some other time" So Sat I visted him at his job. We had pretty good conversation, I asked him if he knew what he wanted, he didn't reply. We were very tender, hugged alot, it felt like he still cared. He told me he was seeing several women, met online but he was keeping his distance. I asked him if he wanted to get togther, he shook his head. I called him today and he hesitated when he heard my voice. I didn't think he expected the call from me. But he was sick and not in a great mood. I sent him an ecard wishing him well and letting him know I care alot about him. All my friends think I'm a fool. I asked him if he would have call me again whe I saw him, if I didn't call him first, he said he didn't know. Now it's worse then before since he has other women in his life and I could not deal with seeing him seeing other women. I can't seem to let him go and I am falling apart. I can't stop thinking about him, crying and I start shaking I'm always so nervous, anxious depressed, I have tried various medications but I'm falling apart. What should I do? Thanks