when to break NC?

[confused_male_32]

My girlfriend and I broke up two months back after a four year relationship. She is in graduate school and she is defend her thesis by the end of this month.

I have been doing NC for five weeks now. The thing is that we were working closely during the various stages of her thesis work and I was quite involved in her project. The greatest thing we shared was our passion for the work and I advised her whenever she came to me for help.

A week after we broke off she mentioned that it would be nice if I came to her thesis defense but she was very emotional at that point. The last time we spoke over phone five weeks back she mentioned which day she was defending but she didn't say anything about me attending it.

 

We never fought or argued during the breakup. She just told me that she was very stressed out with thesis writing combined with preparing a move to take up a job in a new city and she would like to take a break from the relationship. Eventually as I had expected the break became a breakup.

 

My ex- stresses out very easily and she is not good at handling pressure of making multiple decisions at the same time.

 

My question is :

Do I break NC now wishing her good luck with the defense and hope that she writes back?

 

or...

 

Do I wait till she defends and then send her a big congratulations and hope we can start a positive conversation?

 

 

I need help.

thanks in advance

[needafriend]

I think its a very sweet and thoughtful idea to send a message of good luck.

 

Keep it short and ask her to let you know how she goes.

 

I don't believe she will take it out of context - just don't get your hopes up.

 

Good luck!

[beanpaper]

I agree with needafriend.

[jenny_mcs]

I agree with previous posters- contact her before to say good luck. I think on a such an amazing step in her life you can break no contact.

[heloladies21]

For you, any kind of contact is a bad idea. It will just set you back in the recovery process. You two aren't together anymore. Do your best to move on and start talking to other women.

[Myrddin]

Send the good luck message as long as you have no expectations. If you have, it's going to hurt if the response is not what you wanted to hear!

[CATLOVER]

Hmm I think you might find it hard not to send a message and you probably already know you are going to anyway....but I still think no contact for at the very least three months is a good idea.....

 

Only send it if you are dead set positive that it wont affect you one bit if she does not reply.

[confused_male_32]

thanks for the responses. I can't say for certain that I will be not feel bad if she does not reply. I forgot to mention that the defense is essentially a formality. It is a given that she will clear it. Usually following the thesis presentation, there is a party with lots of drinks.

 

How many of you feel that a congratulatory message would be more appropriate? She would be a "Dr." by the end of the day.

[Myrddin]

Send it before if you're gonna do it and then if you get a favorable response send the congrats one after.