Harassment?

[HellFrost666]

I've been at my job three years. There is one woman there who has always acted strange toward me, but lately it's starting to become a real problem.

 

I am a pretty quiet person, especially at work. I find that there really aren't many people worth talking to, so I don't talk much. But this woman always feels the need to talk to me, and every time she does she makes some snarky comment. The other day she came up to me and said "So I heard your taking some vacation time soon?" I told her she heard right. She asked where I was going. I told her back home for two weeks. She asked if I got my tickets yet. I told her I did. She said "So are they one way tickets?" in a really snotty way and walked off.

 

I'm originally from Norway. I have lived here almost ten years. This seems to be the cause for her rudeness. Two years ago I was granted US citizenship. She heard about this, and walked right up to me and said "So now you can stop sucking up all our tax dollars and pay the governement like the rest of us."

 

One time she said something to me and when I didn't respond right away she said "Hello? Do you even understand what I'm saying?"

 

It used to be I just ignored her. But lately it's becoming more and more frequent. Before I go to the boss I want to say something to her. I don't really know what to say to her though. I feel like I am being harassed. How can I talk to her about this in a way I know she'll take seriously?

[babycristy456]

Actually, I suggest you go directly to your boss instead of her. It might give you great pleasure to put her in place, BUTTT...this confrontation might get out of hand and she might get an advantage over you, even though you do not instigate anything.

 

The truth is, she is a big girl and she knows her actions are inappropriate, but she continues to say things to you. You don't need to remind her.

 

Harrasment should not be put up with at all! Go and speak to your boss immediately, if it does not stop, go above him.

[darkblue]

I wouldn't bother saying anything more to her.

It is discrimination.

 

link removed

[Meow18]

Don't say anything to her. It could just be used against you.

 

Just talk to your boss. Tell the boss what she has been saying to you and how you feel like you are being disrespected. Hopefully your boss will talk to her and hopefully she will stop saying rude things to you.

 

Don't say anything to her because if your boss talks to her, she could easily say, "well, he has been saying things to me too". Besides, it's just not right for her to be allowed to go around saying whatever to whoever. The boss needs to get involved.

[DN]

It is r eally important that you document each time she says something like that so you have some evidence. It would also be helpful if other people have witnessed these things happening.

 

I agree that you should not confront her but see your boss. Let him/her know that you are documenting everything and that you are prepared to take it further if necessary. It is possible that if your boss fires a warning shot accross her bow that she will back off.

[Shadows Light]

Yes.. its discrimination.

 

Agree with DN. It would be helpful if you documented these incidents. And you should go directly to your boss. If you retaliate it will only be used against you. She wants a direct reaction from you. She thinks she has an advantage. She's a bully. Ignore her directly, don't give her the satisfaction and go above her. Her behavior is inappropriate.

[beanpaper]

You could say simply, "I do not appreciate that comment." It's not confrontational but it is assertive.

[RandomAdvisor]

I also agree with DN. Start writing down everything and everytime she says something to you, and go to your boss about it. Let us know what happens.

[HellFrost666]

You guys are probably right. I guess I figured I'd be nice and give her a chance to stop on her own before I get her into trouble. But no matter what I say it will probably just make it worse. I'll go talk to my boss tomorrow.

 

And yes, other people where I work have heard her say these things. So I do have witnesses.

[RandomAdvisor]

Let us know how it turns out. Good luck.

[jurupa]

Also stop talking to her as well when you haev talk to your boss about this. The more you talk to her the more info you give her to use against you and the more she will come after you. Hopefully she gets fired for this becuase you came here legally and seem to have done nothing worng. It is possible that this woman is jealous of you or goes after you becuse of her views on imagrants.

[HellFrost666]

Well I talked to my boss today. I am guessing he said something to her because all day long she gave me dirty looks. She also kept finding reasons to walk passed me. Near the end of the day she was standing about ten feet or so infront of me with someone and they were whispering and she pointed at me. She was really obvious about it too. She didn't even care if I saw her do it.

 

I can't believe how imature some people are. I think I should point out that she is about twenty years older then I am, yet she's acting like a baby. Wah Wah

[darkblue]

Get someone to witness it and report it.

She'll be thrown out before you know it if she's caught.

[mgirl]

Well I talked to my boss today. I am guessing he said something to her because all day long she gave me dirty looks. She also kept finding reasons to walk passed me. Near the end of the day she was standing about ten feet or so infront of me with someone and they were whispering and she pointed at me. She was really obvious about it too. She didn't even care if I saw her do it.

 

I can't believe how imature some people are. I think I should point out that she is about twenty years older then I am, yet she's acting like a baby. Wah Wah

 

In my experience, people only act this way toward you if they are jealous or have a crush on you and are frustrated. It is very possible she is jealous of you for some reason. What she is doing is plan rude and is an indication of her poor manners. Just ignore her and keep doing your best work. That will annoy her the most. The most important thing is that you don't interact with her directly, unless it is a work related matter. Just keep the diary (of incidences) going and report her again at a later stage.

 

People like that are bullies and only get off on making other people's lives a misery. Those that can do, DO... those that can't simply bully others.

 

There's actually a great website on bullies, but i can't remember what it is called. Just google it. It has been a valuable resource to me in the past.

[HellFrost666]

Crush??? Just the idea of that makes me laugh. She is married and old enough to be my mother.

 

I was talking to my girlfriend about this today after work and she said "Want me to come visit you at work and kick her a*s?" Of coarse she was only joking.

 

Ironically, this woman at work has put her two cents in about my girlfriend. One day last week my girlfriend did come to see me at work on my break and the lady I work with said something snooty to me when I came back in from break.

 

I did write down the whispering and pointing today, just in case it may come up again...

[mgirl]

Crush??? Just the idea of that makes me laugh. She is married and old enough to be my mother.

 

Well, you never know!

[Meow18]

She is definitly acting really immature. I guess there are people out there who will be rude and who like to put others down. It's sad, but true.

 

How depressing that she's trying so hard to get attention from you. She's desperate to be rude to you it seems. She's walking past you, she's pointing at you from accross the hall. Doesn't she have more important things to do with her life than to be rude? This lady has real issues.

 

If something more happens, don't be afraid to go to your boss. I would even report the pointing at you, however, she could just deny she was actually pointing at you. I guess as long as she's keeping her distance, at least it's better..

[HellFrost666]

How depressing that she's trying so hard to get attention from you. at you. I guess as long as she's keeping her distance, at least it's better..

 

You guys are embarrassing me...

 

Today all it was was more dirty looks from her.

[RandomAdvisor]

Keep documenting it. Are you willing to live with the dirty looks? I suppose they might be easy enough to ignore. Or will you go to the boss again if it continues?

[HellFrost666]

Ok, so now there is all kinds of gossip going around. People are saying I am trying to get her fired, etc. It's mainly the women there, (The guys don't really care much). I hate being talked about. I don't like this negative attention... I have always came to work, did myjob, and went home. I never start trouble, and now I'm getting trouble.

 

God, I hate people.

[RandomAdvisor]

Ruh oh. The situation appears to be escalating. Instead of it being a situation merely between the two of you, now half the employees of the office are involved.

 

I'm not exactly sure how you should proceed with this, but there has to be some precedent for office rumors and how to handle them. Anyone else have some ideas?

[RandomAdvisor]

I did a google search and found this link on the subject.

 

link removed

 

I'm not sure if it's 100% applicable, because it only seems to deal with rumors about things from the private lives of employees, not about incidents or bad blood between employees.

 

From reading that though, I would think it's probably best to just continue documenting in detail everything that happens. What you overhear, who is saying it, etc. etc. Be very detailed about taking notes on all of this. Hopefully this will all blow over.

 

I see a possible dilemma though. Suppose this doesn't stop, and you are forced to complain to your boss again. Lets say he does fire her, or transfers her. The rumor becomes somewhat of a self fullfilling prophecy, and there is potential for you to look like a real bad guy in the office.

 

Mean people suck.