Have a chance to run into the ex today, should I take it????

[renaissancewoman101]

I have a chance to run into the ex today. Should I take it. He is going to be at a very small Ren Faire within a hour drive from me today. This is a small Faire with about 7 vendor booths and very few patrons. Last weekend they had the same ren faire at the same place and people were complaining about the lack of patrons going there.

 

I miss him so much and I want to see him, but I am afraid. The last time I saw him, he told me that he wanted A LOT of time and space away from me.

 

I sent a letter to his mom telling her how much I loved him and how sorry I am for taking him for granted and ignoring him. I also told her that I would love to have a second chance with her son. She should have gotten letter this weekend. People on here have told me that I should write a letter to him but I am so afraid to. I dont know how he will take it.

 

As for today, if I go to the Faire, I will stick out and he will notice me. The last time he saw me at another Faire, his first reaction was avoidance and run away from me, then he did have a chat with me.

 

I dont know what to do?? Afraid that if I do see him, I may push him away further.

 

Right now, my hopes are pinned on his co-worker whom I talked to last week. He tells me that my ex hasnt found a new girlfriend and he still talks about me a lot at work. His co-worker thinks my ex misses me. I hope the co-worker isnt lying to me and/or telling the ex everything I have told him.

 

I have been trying to keep busy this last few days. Yesterday, I went and helped out at a guinea pig rescue event. Next weekend I will be gone helping out at the same event. I try to forget about him but things bring back memories and I cry. Yesterday, as I drove the two hour drive home, I cried about him.

 

I cannot get him out of my mind. We broke up over a month ago. I hope he still remembers me and thinks of me at times.

 

After this time, my chances of seeing him are going to be slim since I have no idea what he will be doing for the rest of the year. He lives two hours from me and we dont have common friends. Only way to see him after this, is to go down by his house and wait for him to come home, although he doesnt always come home right after work, or else I go and wait for him to get off work.

[annie24]

You want to see him so he can run away from you? If you have a real reason to go, other than seeing him, then go. But, I remember your previous posts - you were complaining how he had "Peter Pan" syndrome, not wanting to grow up. You were complaining that he's in his 30s and still acts like a teenager.

 

Why do you want this guy back so bad?

[DN]

Don't go - if he wants to see you let him come to you. He asked for time and space so give it to him or you may well drive him away.

[renaissancewoman101]

Anne24, I want him back so bad because I miss him. Also, he treated me well. He was always there for me, made time for me, bought me little gifts, did things with me, would talk to me about feelings, etc., and he was very affectionate with me.

 

I did not like his childlike nature and his love of video games, stuffed animals, toys, etc., but I am willing to overlook that to keep a relationship with someone who treated me so well. He was always attentive to me, made me first in his life, etc. I got tired of that and pushed him away. I regret that a lot for I never knew how good I had it. After reading a lot of people's postings on here, I realize my ex treated me a lot better than some of the exs on here, and yet the posters want them back.

 

He was a teenager in an adult body.

[Itsok]

Personally, I don't know. That "teenager in an adult body" stuff gets old fast when you are a mature, sophisticated woman like you are. Plus, that also equals to you taking on all the responsibilities in the relationship, and having to look after him for the rest of your life.

 

If that's really what you want, then go. But honestly, I'd think twice.

I have a feeling someone better is out there for you, someone more mature and like yourself.

 

Totally up to you.

[beanpaper]

I don't think you should go. The letter to his mom and driving an hour to the faire you know he'll attend is pretty stalkerish.

[smallworld]

Love isn't just about what we want. It's about the best interests of the two people involved. If he asked for space, the loving thing to do would be to give it to him. I realize you miss how well he treated you, but if you dislike his "childishness", then the truth is you dislike WHO he essentially is as these are the things that he spends most of his time on. He still IS a "teenager in an adult body" because he has absolutely no incentive to change. When you got fed up with his childishness, that wasn't an anomaly. That was the mature woman in you telling yourself you want more from a man and you were tired of "parenting" him, lending him money ($1500 is it?), and hoping he'd ever change for you.

 

How well someone treats you is not the only gauge of whether you should be with them or not. There are also matters of compatibility, emotional / spiritual connections, common interests, values, maturity, friendship, trust, and communication (the ability to talk through problems together.) Again, if you wrote out a list of what it is you really wanted and needed from a relationship, how would he compare? Is this someone you can honestly see spending (and emotionally depending upon) the rest of your life with? Is it possible that you pushed him away around the time of the abortion because you didn't feel like continuing the burden of "parenting" him when you desperately needed to be taken care of for once? And is it possible that you relied so heavily on your gay best friend for emotional support, because this guy didn't have the emotional maturity you needed to lean upon during the difficult times?

 

I think a better use of your time would be to write him the letter explaining your side of things and apologizing for any hurt you may have caused him. This letter isn't completely altruistic. It would examine and clarify what happened for you just as much as it would for him, and hopefully give you a clearer understanding of what it is you want from your next relationship - whether it be with him or anyone else.

 

Writing a letter is your call, but if three or more impartial strangers have recommended this course of action to you versus attending the fair, then it seems worth considering. If there's anything your Ex needs from you to clarify his feelings, it's not another awkward visit, but a deeper understanding of why you pushed him away, to see that you truly feel remorse for your actions, and to hear what things you plan to do instead of pushing him away if conflicts arise again. After all he's been through, doesn't he deserve to know what happened?

[renaissancewoman101]

Thanks for all your support. I DID NOT go down to the Faire to surprise him. I ended up going to visit my friend who is preparing to move to CA. I spent about two hours talking to him about his decision and he listened to me about my problems with my ex and gave me some advice on what to do. He thinks that once he is out of the picture that my ex may resurface. My ex does not like my best friend (the gay guy) because he thinks my heart lies with my best friend and also he feels as though he cant compete with my best friend. My best friend has a good job, owns a house, has a car, and has a lot of money invested.

 

I will try to work on the letter to my ex tonight and then email it to sombody on this board to read and get some opinions about.

 

I love this board and the people on it. You guys are great at encouragement and getting through the tough times.

 

I do miss my ex, but talking to my best friend helped to take the edge off missing my ex.