I am playing with fire

[Knctrnl22]

Today I wrote an e-mail to my ex saying that she was being selfish by wanting to only be friends with benefits.

 

I told her that I felt like I was being used because she is going to drop me as soon as she finds someone else.

 

I also told her that I didn't want to stick around for this because it is unfair to me.

 

She said that the same thing could be said about me and that it takes two to tango.

 

She is right this mess is as much my fault as it is hers.

 

I am on here to talk to someone else besides her because I can't keep making a fool out of myself.

 

We have a pretty good relationship, I just get jealous whenever she has other plans besides me.

 

The thing that bugs me the most is that I know she still cares about me but she just wants to have fun and nothing more.

 

Maybe its me who needs to get with the program and go out have fun drink and meet lots of other people, even though thats not what I want.

 

From now on I really need to keep my emotions to myself before I ruin what I have with her.

 

I also told her that she knew that she could have me back if she wanted to, I regret saying that, then she said "I don't know that I thought you didn't want a relationship"

 

I guess the best thing to do is to take this one day at a time and find another female.

 

Although I get along with her very well.

 

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

[sisterlynch]

I can't quite see the heart of the issue, what do you think she wants too much freedom?

 

I think it is better to let the tree bend than to dig it all up and start all over with a new tree.

 

She is going to change and I get the feeling that she is being as honest as she can through all this.

 

Don't expect too much from her, let her have her fun.

 

She will return, I promise!!

[segagirl]

It is pretty hard to go from a relationship to friends with benefits without emotions being involved. This is why it's really quite a bad idea! If you do not separate your emotions from her, you will not be able to 1) get over her or 2) get her back(if that is what you are after).

See sleeping with her is causing negative feelings and emotions, you are saying things you don't want to say and feeling things you don't want to feel....so what good comes out of it? You are likely to get really hurt and say something to her you regret which in turn could lessen any chance of reconciliation. So take a step back, and know that having sex with her will NOT get her back. No matter how wonderful it is, and no matter how much you love her.

She will come back to you if she has time to think about you, and then can decide on if you are right for her. And you can have a life, a fun time and reconnect with others without going out and meeting a bunch of girls...thats what friends are for...take the time to heal...don't worry about dating.

[sisterlynch]

I still respect her for looking for freedom if that is what she really wants and needs. Sometimes forgiveness is from within and sometimes it is false.

 

Sometimes trusting others means trusting ourself!!

 

People can go for years with just that amount of commitment to one another. It really depends upon her morals.

[Knctrnl22]

I can respect her for wanting freedom and I am jealous, about a few months ago I encouraged her to go to costa rica to study abroad and she did.

 

That was what I thought was the best decision that we made for the both of us after dating for 3yrs.

 

It was a mutual breakup

 

She was different 3 months ago now she has changed some of her beliefs.

 

I can respect that

 

What is hard to deal with is that I know that she still e-mails a guy down there who she kinda likes I guess.

 

But I guess that guy is divorced and has a baby and is a drug dealer in Costa Rica.

 

It would be a lot easier to let go of her if I knew that she was with someone that was going to take care of her.

 

She really is a great person, she just needs her space, I know.

 

I just feel like I would give a lot up for her because I love her that much.

[segagirl]

Hi there, I really think that you can love her, respect her, look out for her..., and not have sexual relations with her is all. The sexual encounters are drawing you to wanting more. If you are ok with only having her as a friend and can emotionally handle continuing being intimate then by all means, do as you please. But it seems that its those encounters that are causing you pain. You can set boundaries with her and still look out for her; she will appreciate your understanding and commitment to your friendship.

[sisterlynch]

you are right on that one Saga girl!!

[Knctrnl22]

How do you two know so much?

 

You are very helpful to me, thanks

[sisterlynch]

To be honest I have learned a lot by reading people's reponses.