He says why can't we be 'mates'?

[emmorey]

Hey

 

The guy I was with for 15 months drunkenly kissd someone else right before my first year exams, sent me a text message meant for her inviting her over the next day, then told me he didn't know what he wanted, he didn't know if he could cope with the distance. I'm at uni 150 miles away, but we live in the same home-city. I waited for his decision for a while but couldn't stand the waiting, and decided if he loved me he wouldn't torture me by making me wait for weeks like that. So I finished it myself. I was devastated, cried nearly every night, didn't eat properly, the usual.

 

I then started to feel better, I realised he wasn't perfect, even though I missed lots of things about him. I started to get on with my life.

 

Now, he's been texting and mailing, saying he misses me loads and really really wants to see me. He never asks for me back or says he made a mistake. He just says he wants me to keep in touch and meet up. He even said he'd been looking at photos of me. For a while I didn't reply, but I gave in and texted back hi the other day. He said why can't we meet up and be friends, I miss you so much and really wanna see you. i said I don't think i can because i was so badly hurt. He said 'how do you know if you don't try?' and that he thought we could 'at least be mates'! He emailed a poem bout how much he misses me and wants me to mail, but has never actually asked for me back. I think he knows I would say no anyway.

 

The thing is, now he's made me think about him again! Yesterday he texted to see how I was after my back surgery, I said I was ok, how was he (he'd also had an operation!) and he just didn't reply. This just made me think he is playing games, making me think about him and then having power over me by me wanting him to text! I know I shouldn't let him have power, but I find it hard when he bombards me with texts. I know if I read this, I would say ignore him, don't see him, move on. But I still can't help but think about him, especially when always he tells me how much he misses me and wants to see me. We've met once in the 3 months since we split, his idea. I ended up feeling sad again when we said goodbye, and wished I hadn't seen him.

 

Any advice? I think I probably know what I should do.

 

 

[charmed]

You think you know what you should do !! Then do it ! I think you know aswell - don't put yourself through anymore pain and uncertainty over this guy. Tell him no, tel him you want space - and maybe consider telling him that perhaps in time you could be friends, but for the immediate future, it's simply not possible.

 

Good luck !

[SwingFox]

Hello emmorey,

 

I am sorry to read what you are going through. I understand that your ex b/f is still trying to stay in touch with you, after not being in touch for son long and that you feel very awkward over it.

 

I believe that I would feel the same. It's hard to tell wether he is or is not playing games with you. Still, that doesn't help you making you feel better and happier.

 

My suggestion is that you confront him. Ask him what exactly thinks he is doing and what exactly he wants from you. If he answered all your questions, see how you feel over those answers and look if there's room for staying in contact. If you feel comfortable over staying in contact with him, then do so. If you don't feel comfortable over staying in contact with him, break contact and demand from him that he stops contacting you.

 

I hope that this helped you on your way and I wish you good luck.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[emmorey]

Hey

 

Thanks guys, that's good advice that I will take. He texted again after I posted that. I asked him why he was texting and he said "just because" and that he misses me and wants to see me. I said I didn't think it was a good idea, but he just repeated that he wants to see me and that he has photos but they don't talk to him! Which I suppose is quite selfish of him - he wants to see me regardless of how I feel about it! He even came into my workplace (I wasn't in that day) to see me, bought some grapes and left. I think I am going to confront him and ask him what he is trying to do! But he'll probably just repeat that he just wants to see me. Doh!

 

Thanks again

em

[SwingFox]

Emmorey,

 

I compliment you on your decision and admire your courage. Personally I believe that you made the right decision here and I wish you good luck in talking to this guy. I hope that things will work out the way you planned to.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[emmorey]

hi, thanks for yr messages and support guys

 

 

just an update - he's phoned twice since i posted last. I decided to be strong and I asked him what he wanted from me. He went all embarrassed and said to see me, to go to a movie, why can't we etc. He also said he's missed me more than i've missed him (even though it was mainly him who intiated the break-up). Then yesterday, he rang again and said he was sending me an email today. He wants me to look through it and then he'll ring this evening and we could talk about it and i could ask about what he meant by whatever etc.

 

My mum thinks he's gonna try go back out with me, and she's not keen on it, obviously because I was so upset and she saw me like that. I dunno if he will, but it'll put me in an awkward situation if he does want me back because although part of me would be ecstatic because I never wanted to split up originally, another (more sensible) part of me will remind me of the hurt he caused and how he kissed someone else and could do it again. I just don't know if I'd be able to deal with trust issues after all that. Also, no-one would support us because they think I should steer clear afterwhat he did. And also, he's off to Spain for a month, and then we're back to our separate unis. It doesn't sound like a match made in heaven, right?!

 

Anyway, I've yet to receive the email. It might not even be about me and him. It could say anything! In a way, although it would be so flattering to be asked out again, and a real self-esteem boost, and also a kind of relief, it wouldn't be the best thing to happen, especially as I've just started properly getting over him and moving on. Maybe that's why he's writing.

 

Who knows? I'll stop waffling now and just wait and see.

 

em