Is this wrong?

[zod]

occasionally I like to go out to clubs and meet and dance with different men, this makes me feel wanted and special. My dilema is, I am married with children. When I do this, am I disrespecting my husband, or am I unconsciously admitting that I don't find my husband attractive enough. I would go dancing with my husband, but unfortunately, he doesn't like dancing and I don't want to force him into anything he doesn't like. Although, I feel we are missing out on sensuality and sometimes when I'm dancing with another man I does almost feel as good as sex. I have explained all this to my husband and he thinks that maybe because I'm a full time mother and wife that I'm using it as a fantasy to escape from my reality.

 

But is it wrong to go out dancing with strange men? and if it is what else could I do? I really need to find a way of enjoying myself, and I really like dancing.

[slayer]

heres my opinion, i dont think you should do it. Not because it is wrong or anything, but more so you dont have your emotions messed with. I think what you truly want is attention, and since you have kids than you dont get enough, you are usually the attention giver. I would suggest for you to make special time with your husband, maybe hire a sitter on sundays and spend time out with him, go to places where you can enjoy each others company, and if you want even book a hotel for a while.

[zod]

Yes maybe!

 

Sundays aren't always the best days, because we go to church and my husband is very much involved with church, but getting away, just the two of us, now that sounds like a plan. But I can't afford to get away as often as I go out, any other suggestions?

[DN]

Go out on dates - with each other. You don't have to get a hotel or go dancing. Nor does it have to be expensive. Late night picnics, for instance. But aim for once a week, if you can afford a babysitter or if you have family who will do it free.

 

But you should take turn taking responsibility for planning the date. This way, it isn't a chore for just one of you and it can be exciting planning something as a surprise for the other.

[slayer]

Go out on dates - with each other. You don't have to get a hotel or go dancing. Nor does it have to be expensive. Late night picnics, for instance. But aim for once a week, if you can afford a babysitter or if you have family who will do it free.

 

But you should take turn taking responsibility for planning the date. This way, it isn't a chore for just one of you and it can be exciting planning something as a surprise for the other.

 

Yeah, thats kinda what i meant, i was just giving a suggestion with a hotel, so you have intimate time together. But even a night out walking in the park and having ice cream can help you connect. Many things like that. You dont have to make them always be sexual and stuff, change it up a bit.

[BillyJean714]

By all means, I think you should go dancing, with your husband! I know I love dancing, and if I were to ever get married and have kids, I would hope that my partner wants to go dancing with me.

 

I think we both LOVE dancing. Why not do this? Trade off. Yes, he can have one night in which you guys both do something that he enjoys doing- fishing, poker, whatever. Next weekend, the two of you go dancing. I think that it's quite sexy when a couple can do things that they both enjoy. And, like they say, sometimes, oppossites attract. Maybe it's good that the two of you have slightly different interests so that you both keep each other balanced. Anyway, just a thought.

[suprema99]

Your husband sounds a little bit on the tightass side. Like he's all into church going and stuff. I think you both should spend some time together, I think you shouldn't be going out to clubs and this and that looking for satisfaction though . On the other hand you said you explained this to him, hopefully he's not clueless and taking this as it means nothing, when clearly your clubbing with other guys on the weekends and going to church on sundays. It's an odd mix

[armchairshrink]

When I do this, am I disrespecting my husband, or am I unconsciously admitting that I don't find my husband attractive enough.

I do think this shows disrespect for your husband's feelings.

 

I don't know about the level of your attraction to him; it sounds more like you dance to feel attractive, not to be attracted to other men.

 

Incidentally, my soon-to-be-husband and I had the same problem; I loved to dance, loved the sensuality, and my husband-to-be hated it (dancing, not sensuality) with an equal passion. This was because he felt that he couldn't dance; sadly, he was right. He was very awkward, and didn't know what to do with his arms and legs during the fast dances (he likes slow dancing, though).

 

I'll skip all the arguments this led to and go right to the result: I gave up club dancing. Not because he made me; this was a choice I made for the sake of our relationship.

 

Then we found a happy compromise: Ballroom dancing! At first it sounded too old-fogey for us, but we tried it and both of us liked it! Turns out he does much better when there are set patterns for him to follow and set places for him to put his feet and hands. And it's a bit more dignified, which he also likes. And I can be sensual with the man I want to be sensual with. It's win-win.

 

Give it a shot! And good luck!