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has been 10 months and going...


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my ex fiance and I broke up about 10 mths ago. I think about him everyday, I miss him everyday....still

 

Its not that I have not moved on...I have, I do date, I do go out and I do enjoy everything that is going on in my life right now. The only thing is that I wish I had my ex fiance to share these things with me. I almost feel like I NEED him, like I am not complete without him. Almost a yr later and I STILL cry everytime I think about us. There is a big part of me that hopes one day I'll see him on my front porch wanting me back, that we will be able to put our fights behind and start all over.

 

We had a conversation the other day over random email (we do not see eachother, nor do we speak on the phone) about us, and what happened between us. There were things bothering him, things that could've been worked on but he was afraid to tell me cuz I was soo stressed that it always caused fights between us. In the last couple months we fought ALOT, things just strangely became really bad between us.

I told him that I loved him so much we could've worked on these things, we could've compromise.

The thing is that I want to so badly meet up with him and talk about us possibly trying it out one more time...but Im afraid he wont want to do it because he is scared and does not want to risk it again.

I do not want to sound desperate, nor do I want him to know that I cant live without him. PLEASE help me with how I can approach this.

 

I really, REALLY appriciate your help.

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I hate to say this, but if you are saying to us that you just cant live without him, then you have NOT moved on.... In some part of your mind and your heart, yeah, maybe you have... But, there is still a lot you are holding on to... That is not necessarily a bad thing, but you have to be upfront with yourself...

 

Why did it end, ultimately? If you broke it off, then of course he is scared, but if you seriously want to try again, then you have to convince him (show him) that he can trust you and that you two can work things out.... If he broke it off, then his being 'scared' will have to be addressed one way or another.... At this point, you both should be scared... In a way, you would be really be starting from scratch, but know of the 'history' between you two.... That can be both good and bad, depending on how you two handle it...

 

You need to really think about this....

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we broke up over things that could've easely be compromised. I wanted a huge wedding, he wanted a small wedding. We just started to argue over random things, we would bicker at eachother alot. We got into a huge fight and after that both decided that if we fight so much maybe we are not right for eachother. The thing is that we only fought in the last couple months of our relationship, we started fighting after we got engaged and all that planning and things like that started to happen. We just didnt know how to handle all the stress.

I dont want to get over him, nor do I want him to get over me. I want him back, he was my other half.

As far as him, he is same as me, dates but nothing serious. He is scared of trying it again.

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Ahhh, yes.... engagement, weddings... The next biggest stressor on a relationship is building/buying a house and the decision to have children and when.... What you experienced was actually pretty normal...

 

In my humble opinion, I think it is worth a shot... Let him know how you feel, what you have been feeling, and that you two ended up taking the stress of wedding-planning out on each other, but it really wasn't either of you at fault... It was a stressful time... And, from what you say here, there are things that can be looked at, worked on, and compromises reached...

 

I know there is a lot to risk, but you have nothing to lose here.... And possibly, a whole future to gain.....

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Ahhh, yes.... engagement, weddings... The next biggest stressor on a relationship is building/buying a house and the decision to have children and when.... What you experienced was actually pretty normal...

 

In my humble opinion, I think it is worth a shot... Let him know how you feel, what you have been feeling, and that you two ended up taking the stress of wedding-planning out on each other, but it really wasn't either of you at fault... It was a stressful time... And, from what you say here, there are things that can be looked at, worked on, and compromises reached...

 

I know there is a lot to risk, but you have nothing to lose here.... And possibly, a whole future to gain.....

 

I agree with this. Especially the last sentence. He may well say no but at least you will know that you tried and maybe then you can stop thinking about him all the time. If he says yes, then you can fix the problems that were there.

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I also agree it is worth a shot. But I think you have to be realistic.

 

One of the things you posted,

 

we broke up over things that could've easely be compromised. I wanted a huge wedding, he wanted a small wedding. We just started to argue over random things, we would bicker at eachother alot. We got into a huge fight and after that both decided that if we fight so much maybe we are not right for eachother.

 

suggests something different to me. In my experience people who say they broke up over little things miss the point. Strong relationships, compatible people do not break up over "little" things. If you are breaking up over a series of arguments about things like wedding plans etc then it is likely either a) there was not much there to begin with or b) something else was going on, probably with him as you do not seem to identify anything else happening.

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