My parents are overprotective

[anonymous625]

I hate my parents, they don't let me watch TV, go out with friends, or even eat without asking them. They always think they are right too. And they never listen to me. I am like on the brink of just breaking down. I feel like i don't want to live anymore. I hate them so much. They don't even let me spend my own money, and when i buy a new CD, they like listen to it to make sure there are no "inapropriate stuff" in it. I can't stand them anymore, should i like calla psychiatrist? I really need to get out of this mess, any suggestions?

[Jonboy582]

wow that is over protective, I never heard of anyones parents as strict as yours, but they are doing it for your own oodd, or atleast they think thye are. Have you told them what a mess it is making your life? Other than that I really dont know.

[Vert]

It just sounds like your parents are watching out for you by making sure you are frugal (not spending money), not being gluttonous (not overeating), keeping you from inappropriate media content (listening to CD's), and just watching out for your well being (making sure they know where you are).

 

Right now you might think this is the end of the world, but trust me it is anything but that. One day you will be able to venture out on your own if you'd like (after you turn 18 ) and then have all the freedom you want. Until then, your story sounds like a typical teenage tale when all your parents are doing is making sure you're being good and healthy. I know this might sound trite to you, but when you're under their roof you're under their rules. I wouldn't get a psychiatrist because that's something that your parents are going to pay for anyway, right? Just stick it out, obey their rules, and one day you can be on your own.

[djedix]

And when you get older you will look back and thank them for rasiing you the way they did..

[Jonboy582]

Im sorry this maybe considered bad advice (not really advice but a statement). I think your parents have gone too far, you are meant to enjoy yourself when your a teenager its an important step in developing into an adult and if this stage is crushed it may have long term reprecutions. To furthr this you say by her parents masking her to bad foods and such is protecting her. But as I know from experience with mor than one friend, after the curfew so to say has been lifted, the child/teenager is more likely to do the things the parents tried to stop, either to get thei own back or be rebeliouse or just because its something they never been able to do.

[combat_barbie]

Wow that sucks. Thats really crazy over protective. I mean your thirteen they should have a little more faith in you. I mean honeslty unless your obses there is no reason they should control what you eat as far as not letting you go out your young you need to be able to socialize. Theres not much you can do not though you are sort of screwed. I honestly don't think you'll thank your parents for this later though. Everyone says that but honestly my parents made me go to 10 hours of hebrew school per week (I'm jewish) and force be to be religious against my believe. Eventually they couldn't force me to do it anymore but since then I've resented religion and what they did. I feel your pain though. Honeslty though although I wouldn't recomend this I jsut stopped listening to them or caring what they said eventually I realised they couldn't take anything away from me and short of chaining me in my room that couldn't control what I did. The reason I don't recomend this is because my parents wound up kicking me out for a while but I jsut lived with friends. Then they decided I should come home because they were really jsut trying to get me to beg to come back so they could make me promise to do something. After I came back though they never even tried to control me anymore which worked out well in my opinion since I stopped trying to break them. That was a while ago though I get on with my parents jsut fine now. Anyway you have my sympathy.

[darkblue]

Have you done anything that may make them quesiton your trust?

[trailor22]

Sounds like your parents are very over protective. But what can you do. More than likely you are not going to be able to change their views on how you think you should be raised.

 

Your parents are just looking out for your best intrest. maybe you had older siblings that might have messed it up for you. Such as older brothers and sisters kept sneaking out. Maybe your parents are trying to make sure you turn out ok. I know when i was around your age, I used to think the same thing. Soon after I realized that they only wanted to protect me.

 

I would not recommend doing anything crazy. I wouldn't try yelling at them or stealing from them or something along those lines. You could try to talk to them. You could explain that sometimes it is very stressful with all these rules and guidelines you have to follow. In a couple of years, more than likely this will fade away. Plus, you probably will have different things to worry about. Such as school, work, relationships. Just something you may have to stick out.

[steffi]

look i'm 15 and my parents are exactly like yours if thats any comfort i know exactly what your going through. my parents even controll my friends.

i can't say much because i feel the same resentment you do but i might add that somone once told me that you'l be a lot better off for it. at the moment i have a lot of trouble believe that at the moment. if you like perhaps we can talk about it via e-mail. mine is: email removed

look forward to hearing from you!

[teacup]

there is some advice in this thread that is simply wrong.

 

to tell someone that they will thank their parents in the future for completely smothering them is wrong!! it is asking them to deny their own personal feelings, thoughts and beliefs.

 

you have my sympathies, you are in a tough situation and it's horrible to have your parents treat you like that. they do not have a right because you are also an individual and a person. what they are doing is wrong in not allowing you self-determination.

[Vert]

there is some advice in this thread that is simply wrong.

 

to tell someone that they will thank their parents in the future for completely smothering them is wrong!! it is asking them to deny their own personal feelings, thoughts and beliefs.

 

you have my sympathies, you are in a tough situation and it's horrible to have your parents treat you like that. they do not have a right because you are also an individual and a person. what they are doing is wrong in not allowing you self-determination.

 

Wrong and wrong. You are under their roof, their finances, and their protection hence they do have a right to tell you when you need to be home, where you can go, and who you can hang out with. The teenage myth of self-determination is funny to me because most can't see beyond their own nose, i.e. their world. I've been there and I know how it is, but learning discipline, character, and right-and-wrong issues is part of life that your parents will teach you. If they were ones that didn't care then I'm sure she'd be in more trouble than she is now. There have been social studies on this so check them out. I will look into finding them and post any that I can get my hands on.

[p0w3RFuL]

there is some advice in this thread that is simply wrong.

 

to tell someone that they will thank their parents in the future for completely smothering them is wrong!! it is asking them to deny their own personal feelings, thoughts and beliefs.

 

you have my sympathies, you are in a tough situation and it's horrible to have your parents treat you like that. they do not have a right because you are also an individual and a person. what they are doing is wrong in not allowing you self-determination.

 

Wrong and wrong. You are under their roof, their finances, and their protection hence they do have a right to tell you when you need to be home, where you can go, and who you can hang out with. The teenage myth of self-determination is funny to me because most can't see beyond their own nose, i.e. their world. I've been there and I know how it is, but learning discipline, character, and right-and-wrong issues is part of life that your parents will teach you. If they were ones that didn't care then I'm sure she'd be in more trouble than she is now. There have been social studies on this so check them out. I will look into finding them and post any that I can get my hands on.

 

Yes you might be under their finances, their protection, and ''roof'' but as a child you cannot chose this, your born with the parents u have. Your stating that since the child is under the parents 'goods' then the child must follow their directions (even if they are wrong) there are long term side effects that could happen to such treatment. If the child is not allowed to eat when she wants, then the child is being starved..hince abuse?...if the child is unable to go out with friends..then there is lonely-ness..hince a bad life.. There are somethings in life your meant to enjoy, and some of that is experimenting and making your own mistakes, not your parents controling you until your an adult and you dislike them the whole period of your life.

 

IT IS WRONG. over controling= negative results in future life.

[Vert]

there is some advice in this thread that is simply wrong.

 

to tell someone that they will thank their parents in the future for completely smothering them is wrong!! it is asking them to deny their own personal feelings, thoughts and beliefs.

 

you have my sympathies, you are in a tough situation and it's horrible to have your parents treat you like that. they do not have a right because you are also an individual and a person. what they are doing is wrong in not allowing you self-determination.

 

Wrong and wrong. You are under their roof, their finances, and their protection hence they do have a right to tell you when you need to be home, where you can go, and who you can hang out with. The teenage myth of self-determination is funny to me because most can't see beyond their own nose, i.e. their world. I've been there and I know how it is, but learning discipline, character, and right-and-wrong issues is part of life that your parents will teach you. If they were ones that didn't care then I'm sure she'd be in more trouble than she is now. There have been social studies on this so check them out. I will look into finding them and post any that I can get my hands on.

 

Yes you might be under their finances, their protection, and ''roof'' but as a child you cannot chose this, your born with the parents u have. Your stating that since the child is under the parents 'goods' then the child must follow their directions (even if they are wrong) there are long term side effects that could happen to such treatment. If the child is not allowed to eat when she wants, then the child is being starved..hince abuse?...if the child is unable to go out with friends..then there is lonely-ness..hince a bad life.. There are somethings in life your meant to enjoy, and some of that is experimenting and making your own mistakes, not your parents controling you until your an adult and you dislike them the whole period of your life.

 

IT IS WRONG. over controling= negative results in future life.

 

You took the extreme measures and went for the abuse angle which is NOT what's going on here. There is a difference between extremely overprotective nutjob parents, but I don't think that's the case here either. Most teenagers feel that their parents are controlling if the parent attempts to do anything parental. Also, if you're out of the house and on your own, powerful, then you'd know your last statement isn't very accurate. Obviously there is a limit to control, but anyone with a right mind will tell you how great their parents were for keeping them in check when they were younger. No adult supervision is probably the easiest path to destruction because you never learn responsibility, life lessons, or correct discipline. For examples of unruly children due to parental ignorance, simply turn on the TV and see the plethora of new shows about how screwed up home discipline is -- i.e. The Nanny, Supernanny, Trading Spouses, Wife Swap, etc.

[ReJecT]

well, my last post was deleted because i wasn't very nice to you in it vert but anyways, your opinions aren't true and i have seen to many people that were affected by overcontrolling parents...if she has to ask when to eat then you know there's just something not right with them.

[darkblue]

your opinions aren't true

 

I don't think you have the right to say that.

[Vert]

your opinions aren't true

 

I don't think you have the right to say that.

 

It's ok, darkblue. Notice the responses of the ones that scream overprotective vs. the ones that say "your parents are doing you a favor" -- age. Anyone that knows anything about parenting or is old enough to look back and say "wow, I'm glad they kept me from doing that" is on the side of reason. To say that my opinions "aren't true" when you're a 17 year old without really knowing what paying for mortgage, insurance, other living expenses, etc. is like is humorous at best. I'm not trying to tear you down or rip you for your age, but telling me that my opinions aren't true on protective parents when you have no idea what the "real world" is like really gets me mad.

[steffi]

look dark blue and mr.B both of you have your differences of opinion but i tend to agree more with darkblue but i can see your point mr.B. this girl has posted for help and i think she's asking for help and guidence. not whether you to think her parents are in the right or wrong. she must know that she won't be able to leave the situation but maybe there is somthing she is looking for to help her cope better with it. Somthing she can talk to her parents about changing things a little? What do you think?

[cichlid]

Your 13...parents are "overprotective"...everyone goes through it. I think you are overreacting. As you get older you should get some more freedom. I know I did! Just have to show that you are trustworthy and reliable and mature...etc etc. Just make teh right decisions and over time they will see. It won't happen right away. If you act rebelous it will only give them more of a reason to be over protective. They want what is best for you. It's not like they are sitting in their room going, "How can we make her life miserable?"

[Vert]

Your 13...parents are "overprotective"...everyone goes through it. I think you are overreacting. As you get older you should get some more freedom. I know I did! Just have to show that you are trustworthy and reliable and mature...etc etc. Just make teh right decisions and over time they will see. It won't happen right away. If you act rebelous it will only give them more of a reason to be over protective. They want what is best for you. It's not like they are sitting in their room going, "How can we make her life miserable?"

 

Exactly. Thank you, cichlid

[jurupa]

I know the person is young, but it seems that she wants to express her self and her parents are not allowing it. She mentioned that when she buys a cd her parents must listen to it. When I was her age my parents basically let me buy what ever I wanted as they view anything I bought was with my money. Unless they saw a problem with it (like spending to much which I did a couple of times), they left me alone to manage my own money. And you know what happened? I watch my money a lot closer than most 21 year olds do. My parents let me be my self when I was a teen. Ya I got into trouble, but I learned from the mistakes I made that I was allowed to make.

[Meow18]

I think you should talk to your parents. Have you ever told them how you feel? If you go to them and talk to them like a responsible person, which means no yelling or getting mad, then they might see that you really deserve their trust.

 

Honestly though, I know that my parents were a little like that too when I was your age. I think it's just normal at 13. You are young, and though you might think that you are old enough to do whatever you want, you will realize that it's just too young one day.

 

If your parents don't start giving you more freedom in a couple of years, that's when there will be a problem. You might start rebelling and once you do get all the freedom you want, you will just go crazy with it all. And the sad part is that if your parents keep you "sheltered" until you are 18 and have the choice to leave, you will leave right away and hardly even want to talk to your parents. That's the sad reality of it. Hopefully it won't turn out that way.

 

But I think you should just talk to them. Ask them at what age they will think you are more responsible.