just broke NC

[normal man]

Tried calling her cell and no answer. I lasted the entire weekend since weds and now im stuck with anxiety and wondering what she is up to. Called twice and she picked up the second time. Her phone is messed up and i couldnt here her to well so i said call back from her house phone. Thing is I dont think she was home so now i have to worry she wont call back.

[martyj]

Dude dont be too hard on yourself if she doesnt call back drop her a text or something

 

Good luck

[heloladies21]

Doesn't sound like you were ready to start No Contact. You don't want to have any regrets, so do this. When you feel like calling her, call her. Tell her how you feel. I'm 100% sure it won't get her back, but eventually you will get so fed up by the rejection that you will see NC as the right way to go. Otherwise you will keep going back and forth between contact and no contact.

 

No Contact is the next step. Only take it when you feel ready for real.

[Mstyiyd]

Seriously, don't get too upset about this. Sometimes it takes a couple of times to get NC off the ground and running. Just think, maybe you need a few more days before you're ready to go 'cold turkey'. And in 3 months from now, if you haven't spoken with your ex, think how strong you'll probably feel because you were able to do it. The first few days or even weeks sometimes won't matter in the long run.

Sure, you'll still be in pain from everything, its not like you're going to forget this person so easily. And you also don't know if she may surprise you and call you, but hold your ground and don't read into it. Obviously, there were issues on one or both sides that made this breakup occur.

As everyone says, use this time to work on yourself and surround yourself with healthy people to help get you strong and through it.

[martyj]

Heloladies21 makes a great point.

 

I dont know how recent your break up has been but from experience if you keep contact you can't heal.

 

For me i kept contact too much and emotions went a bit skewed as they can say something that you cling to and over analyse.

 

I believe if i had stuck to NC i would be in a much stronger position now and maybe still in touch whereas i sent a mail a month ago today and no reply so i have been in NC for a month as i aint getting nothing back.

 

So tread carefully and in a few weeks you will be glad you did

 

MJ

[normal man]

See IM'd me and I had my away message saying 'out' so she said she didnt want to call when i was out with my friends. I called her back and said I was home and that message was from before when i ran out to get smokes.

 

We talked and asked how each of us were doing and she talked about work and her grandfather who was sick and such.

 

I made several mistakes in my questions. Said i was out driving my brother to work the other morning and drove by her house and didnt see her car. She said she was out at a wedding and it was 2 hrs away and they stayed at a hotel.

 

Than I made a mistake of bringing up my previous ex before her and how we started talking online and talked about me and my breakup thats going on now. Told her that my prev ex joked about saying go out and screw random girls and feel better and that i responded to her as saying 'one night stands doesnt add up to sex with someone u love' and that the prev ex said she would have never expected me to say something like that.

 

Than in the conversation my prev ex IM'd me again saying, go out and get mad ass...and i laughed out loud and when my gf asked what was funny i messed up and told her. This through off the conversation and she said she had to go.

 

After I hung up the phone I text messaged her saying ' Know that I'm not mad at you and dont hate you. You know how I feel about u. Maybe we shouldnt talk. I'm in need of working on myself now too.'

 

I think I messed up majorly and might have pushed her away further.

 

During out phone convo she really didnt ask me much about what I have been doing and where i have been going or who I have been going out with. I was the one saying it really isnt my business but what have you been doing and with who and such.

 

She hasnt responded to my text and it's been over 20 mins. Im sure she is pissed off at me talking to my other ex and is mad at me even further.

 

Also some background. We broke up because she was unhappy and had to take a risk at leaving and doing things for herself and making herself happy. She said I couldnt change that she couldnt allow herself to get back with me ever again. This was said during the initial breakup

[martyj]

Right,

 

Don't worry you haven't messed up too bad.

 

Just next time dont ask so many questions and do not let her know you are talking to another ex thats a no-no.

 

Check out link removed it has something called reflective listening.

 

Dude please dont worry if i was where you are i would be doing what i have written she still speaks to you but for now do radio silence and let her contact you.

 

Good luck my friend

MJ

[normal man]

eck. she responded to my text with "yeah i think we shouldnt talk 4 a bit. it's 2 much right now. have fun..be careful..be happy"

 

not what i wanted to hear at all. Guess I was asking for that response when I said maybe we shouldnt talk and i needed to work on myself.

 

Textn her that gave her no real choice but to agree that we shouldnt talk. I didnt think that one out first before sending it and i guess i expected the very unrealistic response of 'lets work this out'

 

I'm thinking of sending a reply of "I wish it could have been differently but i cant keep allowing myself to have hope when you dont seem to want to work on anything with me'

 

Give me some advice as to what I should say in response if anything.

 

BTW- WE BROKE UP A LITTLE OVER A WEEK AGO. so we're both dealing with this and it is hard for both of us. She initiated it, I expressed i loved her and wanted to work on it. She turned me down and is being strong with her decision.

 

Like stated above, I'm sick again cause I just initiated not talking by saying maybe we should talk and i needed to work on myself. She agreed and said we shouldnt talk for a bit because it is too hard now. She told me to be careful and safe...

 

I truly hate analyzing everything she says. This isnt me at all how I am during this. I use to be someone that things would just reflect off me and I would keep on with myself. I use to think of me as #1 and she has me being a basket case and not holding myself together and being strong and just saying, you dont want to be with me than fine ill move on.

 

Love stinks sometimes. I'm in bad thoughts of even saying to myself that I wish i never meet her so i didnt have to deal with these emotions now. But doing that I forget all the good in the relationship. O welp

[martyj]

Hey Normal Man

 

i would reply to the text something simple such as

 

'cool, take care, speak soon'

 

I know you want to say honey i love you and want you badly but you are now in the zone where you have to do what is the hardest to do.

 

Radio Silence dont let her know a thing, try to go out and do stuff.

 

This is all easy to say but read someone like SuperDave.

 

Believe me if you can be strong on this in a month you might be thinking differently

 

At least give it a shot

 

Best of luck

MJ

[rnorth]

You still love her? Give her the space she needs. Take some space yourself. Don't worry about it. She will wonder where you are.

eck. she responded to my text with "yeah i think we shouldnt talk 4 a bit. it's 2 much right now. have fun..be careful..be happy"

That is a nice way to put things. She wants space, but she does care about you. Respect it NOW. Don't respond, you risk driving her away further.

 

Give yourself credit for every day that you take space. Really use this time to improve yourself. Work out, read books, get spiritual, whatever.

 

If you respect her and really focus on NC, she will contact you, I GUARANTEE IT. Work on yourself and the next time she sees you, the way you hold yourself will impress her.

[normal man]

I was so proud of myself that I didnt contact her for 5 days besides driving by that one time on my way home. She told me to let her be and that she didnt have one day for herself without me calling or emailing so i thought deeply that I was showing her I cared so much for her that I didnt contact her as she wished. I simply believe she didnt even appreciate me respecting her wished.

 

Yeah I love this girl and I have never been able to respond emotionaly to anyone like I did with her. She made me break my shell that I had from being insecure and such with a abusive childhood. If you didnt know me you'd think I was the most confident and egotistic person but deep down im a wimp and am so so senstive as to my feelings.

 

My own issues with myself and life such as being out of work and distant pushed her away because I dont think I tried as hard as I did in the beginning of the relationship to make her feel like she was the most important person in my life.

 

If I had to blame myself I guess I was moody and had an attitude towards her that drove her away. I wish i wasnt so selfish to my own issues and took it out on her. ya live and ya learn and sometimes it's too late to try to make it up to someone.

 

if i had to think of other things that make her not want to come back i would say combination of...

 

a) She has showed everyone around her (work, family, friends) that she wasnt happy and was ending it for good and goes back to me she will be showing them she isnt strong.

 

b) She ended it because she was unhappy and felt like she could be doing so much more and meeting new people. I didnt have much money and we didnt do much unless she paid. Now she is spending time with people from work that make lots of money and she sees she'll have more fun with these people.

 

c) she wants someone she doesnt see herself ever being unhappy at times with.

 

d) she grew tired of doing everything for me and felt unappreciated

 

e) she has just grown bored and she stopped loving me and didnt want to stay by me and allow me to work on it

 

I know things that I have done wrong and as she says it's too late for me to work on them and for her to stay and see if we can work things out.

 

in our talks aftermath I made it known it wasnt my place to worry anymore if she was sleeping or meeting people, but she probably saw right through that cause im always a jealous person. so i guess if she did/does something she'll be gone foreever with being afraid to come back to me after doing something else.

[normal man]

Waking up every morning sick and wondering. She is on my mind 24/7 and it consumes my life. Still wondering why im holding onto someone that obviouly doesnt feel they love me enough to work on starting a 'new' relationship and seeing if we could avoid problems (mostly me) that we had in our 2 year relationship that ended a bit over a week ago

[normal man]

Im still holding on and giving her space and hoping she comes to her senses.

 

I got a job i start tomorrow and i dont know how im going to concentrate on that with my mind all screwed up and grieving so deeply and not able to focus on anything else but thoughts of her. Thoughts of her coming around to her sense, what she is doing, if she misses me, if she is just working on herself and moving on meeting others.

 

Went out last night and saw this girl I knew awhile back and she was with a friend of hers. I talked to her friend for a short but not long at all. Talked about how she broke up with her boyfriend and such. I asked the girl i knew for both of their emails and such. I get home and im pretty drunk and wrote this girl an email. When i woke up this morning i regreted it once i re-read what i wrote,cause im sure i looked dumb with what i said.

 

She hasnt emailed me back probably cause she hasnt read the email yet, but it might be doubtful she even will. She was drunk herself so she will probably think, wtf who is this guy and what the hell did he send an email saying crap like that for.

 

If anyone has seen the Movie swingers, I truly feel like that guy thats girl left him and he is just all messed up over it and does stupid crap obsessing about his girl and others

[LadyV]

I know exactly how you feel. My ex walked away 4+ months ago after 6 years (long story & wrote on here about it a few months back). I was devastated, chased for answers, tried NC & messed up lots of times. I never thought it'd happen, but from comments from people on here (thanks everyone) & friends & family, i woke up one day & questioned what i was doing. I stopped contact, stopped crying & most importantly, i've stopped missing him.

 

The only strange day i've had in the last 2 months was last Friday when i heard he'd been attacked & was left in a pretty bad way. I didn't know what to think/feel & it was weird. I emailed to say i'd heard, hoped he was ok & to look after himself & he sent an essay in reply. I've moved on (with a little help from meeting someone who makes me feel like a kid again), haven't replied & haven't got anything to say anymore.

 

Please stick with NC because it works - it stops you obsessing & getting screwed up. I didn't think it would work but it does & if you do it for yourself (not to try & get her back), in a couple of months you'll be feeling good again. I'll keep my fingers crossed!

[normal man]

I agree LadyV, wish i could convince myself NC was just for me but im still in the hope stage and seeing if it helps bring her back (making her realize there is something worth working for and she'll lose me forever if she doesnt give me another chance)

 

Eventually doing NC to win her back will just drift into doing it for myself.

 

I do realize the good in just letting yourself heal and gettiong back to you. I was blind in relationships till coming here and it is sad how much of my happiness relied on her.

 

I'm a bit confused and I do love her but maybe my feelings of pain and such are just a result of thinking of her with someone else (ive always been a jealous type) ; being rejected and not worthy of someone else ; feeling she'll find someone better than me (money and friends and more oppurtunity to show her a good time) which will make me feel more insecure; feeling of me not having a good career and feeling my life wont come together soon. Ive been irresponsible and havent work in awhile ( I did just graduate with a B.S degree in finance this past may)

 

I know it's hard to see the light ahead and let nature take it's course. Thats one of my biggest problems ive had all along in my life which is not expecting change. This make this breakup situation hard because i cant allow myself to think positive about how things happen for a reason and my life will get better eventually. Also, even though i want her to be happy with everything she does, it's scary to think shes moving on to better things and will have a happy life now while i'm stuck back here trying to put all the pieces together and find myself again

[LadyV]

The hope stage is the worst because it seems never ending but if i can say anything, it's that if she comes back she'll do it in her own time & nothing you say/do will make a difference. Will she think about you? - YES. Will she miss you? - PROBABLY. Will she come back? - ONLY TIME WILL TELL. However, if she comes back you've got to think about what she'll find. Will you have picked yourself up & be the happy go-lucky bloke she fell in love with? or Will you be down, depressed & lacking in the fun department? What i'm trying to say is you've got to try to do the NC thing whether it's for you or for her. NC stops the hurt & lets you pick yourself up from the floor. It lets you have fun & smile again!

 

Whilst she might be moving onto better things, it's not always a dead cert! In the 4 months since my ex walked away, i've picked myself up, i'm having fun, loving my job & wouldn't change any of it. What's he doing? He's had a breakdown & can't cope with anything going on in his life.

[normal man]

I'm definatly doing better everyday, the pain is still there but atleast i'm starting to realize she isnt coming back. It's taking awhile because it wasnt a major fight that made the breakup. She just decided I wouldnt change and she wasnt happy so she just broke it off in a slow way.

 

I think i'll always be waiting for a call and checking my email 1000 times a day until i find someone else to come along and fill that void. I'm a relationship person and find comfort having someone, being alone is hard for me.

 

Im reflecting back on last time i went through this and I was a mess than atleast now im feeling the same pain but my actions are more in control. Probably because I havent seen her out and dont know what she is up to so i dont have to see her and be upset. My past experience i had the ex always around where i was and it drove me crazy that she wanted nothing to do with me

[Juha]

Normalman

 

I can hear you but I am the opposite of you as I am accustomed to be with myself and comfortable with it...I hve had lots of gf's just this time there is a void and I know there wont be anyone else who can fill it...

 

Never felt this way about anyone, ever and doubt I will again...

 

Hang in there....

[normal man]

Normalman

 

I can hear you but I am the opposite of you as I am accustomed to be with myself and comfortable with it...I hve had lots of gf's just this time there is a void and I know there wont be anyone else who can fill it...

 

Never felt this way about anyone, ever and doubt I will again...

 

Hang in there....

 

Indeed a painful feeling.

 

I dont think I could handle being like some of the others here that havent spoken to their ex's in many months and still hold on. I do not want to be one of those people at all. I feel like im going through a death of someone with this grieving and i wish there was some way to put a quick stop to it.

 

I wish i could be feeling like she is which is probably relief and freedom knowing she is moving onto something better. While she doesnt know what the future holds, she chose for it to 100% not have me in it. Takes a strong person to make that decision and I respect her for it, but i cant get over the damage to my self-esteem that someone who spent that much time (2yrs) with me has decided they didnt enjoy it and will be turning it in for hopes of somethign better.

 

I want to be a MAN again and not feel the way I do!!!!

[LadyV]

My ex chose a world in which i didn't feature either & that was the hardest part & the bit i couldn't get my head round. Like you, my self-esteem took a complete nosedive but i promise you'll get over it. I can't say it'll be easy or that you'll be fine in...months, etc. because i don't know. However, what i do know is that at some point & for no apparent reason, something kicks in & Number 1 starts being a priority. It took me a while to get there & i'm hoping that it's not too far off for you.

 

Men can & do hurt just as much as us girls & don't forget that. You'll be ok - i know you will!

[normal man]

here to vent some more.....

 

My mind is going crazy again. She lives close to me so i find myself driving by when im on my way home from things. She seems to always be out and God knows with who and doing what. usually she is home after work and relaxing cause she works long hours.

 

Thoughts of a rebound man are cluttering my head and im back to being sick and lost in my own self.