1 week of NC, need support from you guys...

[Southern_Belle]

I broke up with my ex about 2 weeks ago. Even though I was the one who ***said*** it, he was the one who came up with the idea.

Actually our relationship has been broken about a month ago. At that time we had been going out for about a month, and till that time he kept talking about how I was different from his exs, and how serious he was thinking about me, even the marriage stuff. After having lunch with my friend's couple, he began to act weird. He was physically next to me, but he felt thousand miles away from me. So I asked if something was going wrong, and he said that he realized that he might not be able to make me happy so we might have to break up. At that time I talked him out of it. But since I knew that he had thought of leaving me, I became extremely insecure. Just seeing him talking with other girls made me worried. So after a week, he brought up that topic again. It was the end of the summer, and since the semester began and he would become extremely busy with many stuff he didn't think he could make me happy any more. I didn't know what to say, so I just let him go at that time. For the following three days I couldn't eat, sleep. All I could do was thinking about him and crying over. He was at his parents' house which is 2 hours away, and I just drove there and called him. At first he refused to see me, but after I explained my situation he agreed to meet me. (I know, I shouldn't have done that. =( ) I wasn't sure he would come back to me, but I just wanted to see and talk to him how I felt. After listening to my story, he said that he didn't understand why I liked him still, but he would give it another try. So we got back together--at least, I thought so.

But for the following week, he didn't put any effort for our relationship. He seemed to enjoy it when he was with me, but he never called me at all. I even asked him to give me a call when he's done with a day and he said he would, but it never happened. At that time, I realized that I was in a fake relationship. It looked like we were in a relationship, but we weren't and it made me crazy. So I asked him why he was with me. More specifically, I asked him if he was with me just because I wanted to. And he said yes. That was enough. But he added that he felt guilty whenever he thought about me, because he wasn't as much interested as he should. Okay, it IS the end! But at that time I couldn't say anything because if I broke up with him I knew that I would regret that forever. So I didn't say anything and he said he wanted to see me the next day. I said I could do that and he said that he would give me a call. The next day came and he didn't call till 2pm. That was enough! I got that he didn't care about me. Right at that time, I accidentally bumped into him on the street. He said he meant to call me, blah blah blah. He wanted to have lunch with me sometime that week. I said that I had something to tell him and it's urgent. He said he would call me that night. I wanted to say it face-to-face, but at that point I didn't care. I just came back home and sent him a message saying it's over. 10 minutes later I got a reply. He was happy that I made that decision! =(

 

Exactly one week passed. I was dying to call him. But I didn't expect him to call me. He didn't call me even when we were going out, what do you expect? But after one week he called me. I was staring at the phone when he gave me a call. I couldn't take it, because I didn't know what to say if I took it. For a few minutes, I couldn't even breathe. He left a message saying he called me to see how I was doing and asked me to give him a call sometime. I suffered for a day, and sent him an email saying that I'm well. He replied right away saying one of the purposes of his call was to see if I was up for lunch or something. He would understand if I'd rather not. I was dying to see him, but I knew that nothing would change unless he would come back to me because he really want me. So I said I'd rather not.

That was the end of our communication. Because I had some of his stuff and he said he wanted to know what I had and I gave that information, I thought he would replied to that email. But he didn't.

 

He's living different life from when we were together. He's not doing what he usually liked to do. That much I know. And that makes me think that he may really miss me and will eventually come back to me. I know this sounds silly, but I don't want to let him go. Maybe I can, but I don't want to. Is there something wrong with me? =(

[venus777]

good for you for saying you'd rather not. you stuck up for yourself for once. naturally he missed having you around because he wanted a lapdog but not because he wanted to be with you.

 

try to heal, hang out with your friends and meet new guys!

[Southern_Belle]

Thanks venus.

I'm trying to keep myself busy--getting extra work, hanging out with friends--but still miss him a lot.

I think meeting new guys may help me, but since I'm in the small town, it's very hard to find 'new' guys needless to say 'cute' guys.

[Tigris]

I agree with everything venus has said.

 

In time you will heal. Eventually you'll find someone else who is more worthy of your love.

 

Good luck and take care.

[Hope75]

The sad part about falling in love is that we cannot control the emotions and feelings of our object of affection and so the only thing we can do in a situation like yours is to stand up for our own self respect and refuse to accept less than we deserve.

 

You know deep down that even though you care for this man that you deserve better, and that something better is out there, if you only give yourself the chance to find it. You would not have ended it if you didn't know this.

 

I think you should leave him be, it's clear he isn't interested, at least not enough, and is too passive to speak his mind and so you end up getting less than you deserve and he gets someone he doesn't want and neither of you end up happy.

 

Be strong, leave him be, and give yourself the chance to meet someone who wants to be with you, and who shows you every day with his actions.

 

Good luck.

[Southern_Belle]

hope75: Your message really gives me 'hope'.

Right now, I still can't believe that he just fell out of love, but maybe I have to accept that now and here.

It took 7 years for me to get over my first bf, and right after that I fell for this last bf of mine, so I'm kind of mad at me that I just put myself in the same situation. But maybe it would be easier for the second time.

Since it was harder for me to get over an ex when I'm with somebody else, I think I need to take more time to be alone, but I will eventually meet other guys. And till then, I would hang around here.

[Lovesick64]

Southern Belle-

 

I am sorry for what you are going through. Hopefully it will not take you seven years to get over the recent ex. Let me tell you first hand that spending time with other guys is not the solution. It is way too soon. I broke up with my ex three weeks ago. I recently spent some innocent time with a guy I had met the weekend I broke up with my ex. I did it mainly because I wanted to some attention from the opposite sex. All it did was make me miss my ex even more. For now I am not going to spend time with men for any selfish reasons whatsoever. I am going to take the necessary time for my heart to heal from my recent relationship. I am going to give myself a year before I even give my number out to a guy. I know that sounds extreme, but that's my plan for now. I wish you well.

[Yowser_76]

I agree with Lovesick...dating other guys is not the answer. My friends have been telling me the same thing but in my heart I know I'm not ready. I think after a breakup we need to take time to heal and find ourselves again. Hopefully when the time is right someone special will come into your life again.

 

And no, Southern_Belle, there's nothing wrong with you. You're doing great

[Fireman057]

Maybe he just initially needed to hear what you needed to make you happy? He used the the old line hoping you said you just needed him to be happy. From what you've described, it sounds like your relationship is almost cryptic. Why not take a risk and spill your guts... rather than wondering?

[Southern_Belle]

I agree with lovesick and yowser. I need to heal myself first.

 

Fireman: Did you mean that I have to contact my ex, and what he's thinking? Don't you think it would just push him away, even farther from where he is?

The main reason he felt guilty about our relationship is that I'm too old to just 'date.'--FYI I'm 26 and he's 21.-- I don't agree with that, I don't want to get married right now, or even in a year. But since about half of my friends are married and they think in that way, he thought that he needed to be more committed if he wants to stay with me. I said I would have worried if he had wanted to get married right away or even in a year, but he couldn't stop thinking about it--or at least that is what he told me.

Since he can't get any older or I can't get any younger, maybe this is it. Or I have to wait till he gets older and is able to be more committed.

This is my plan for now. But...now I really want to talk to him how I feel. But at the same time, I don't want to look creepy or clingy. After all, I was the one who ***said*** that we needed to break up, and also that there isn't much purpose for us to have lunch together after the breakup. How can I say that I want to talk to him now, after a week? =(

[Yowser_76]

The main reason he felt guilty about our relationship is that I'm too old to just 'date.'

 

Wow, that sounds familiar. My ex is 24 and I'm 29 and one of the things he said to me when we broke up was " deep down a part of me always thought you wanted more". The truth was I never thought about getting married or anything...I was happy just being with him. Obviously he was the one thinking about marriage. Stupid huh?

[Fireman057]

I was just asking if you had communicated how you actually felt about each other is all.

[Southern_Belle]

Yowser: When he said that to me I wasn't sure if I didn't want to get married for how long. I knew I didn't want it for about a year at most. But now that I'm not with anyone, I know that I don't want it for long time. At least I don't want to meet a new guy just to get married on time.

Anyways, maybe deep down in my heart I wanted to get married and he noticed that. Who knows?

 

fireman: I talked about my feeling, although I couldn't be that honest because I worried that if I asked him to do certain things he would like to break up. So instead, I told him to break up. =( Maybe that was my fault. But what could I have done?

After all he liked that I wanted the breakup.