Why did he end things unexpectantly?

[selfi]

Hi everyone. None of my friends can seem to give me any proper advice so hopefully you guys can. Last week my boyfriend left me out of the blue.

 

During our four months together I would often have to slap myself and realise that im in such a perfect and almost 'too good to be true' relationship. We'd probably had at the most two or three arguments which were all sorted out and over with so no grudges or issues were left unresolved.

 

One day when I went over to give him an anniversary gift he told me no longer found me physically attractive anymore and "didnt want a relationship". Those reasons left me absolutely gutted especially the first one because I have NO idea why he wouldnt find me attractive all of a sudden. . .yet he says im still physically beautiful, loves me and still calls me by the pet name he gave me (?!??!)

 

I have pleaded with him not to give up on us, it probably only did worse, but I only did it because he seems so confused that I just want to help him realise that this isnt right. All he says is that he's "made up his mind" and even though he doesnt think so right now, theres always a possibility we'll get back together. A few days ago he gave me a CD he made which not only had a heap of 'goodbye' songs on them but also some that were about giving one a 'second chance'. (?!?!)

 

We are both in the same acting college so I have to work with him everyday, which is bad in itself. Every night I pray that he will return and I am waiting for him to find himself again. Am I wasting time? Has anybody else had a similar situation?

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Try to give him some space.

 

Total no contact is not possible for your situation. Limit the contact for a period of time.

 

Then see how thing goes.

[selfi]

By limiting the contact do you mean that other then when I see him at school, it should be zero?

[nataliejulie]

For right now, stop reading into what he's saying. I think the dumper's go through a series of guilt right after they dump (especially if he's giving you a CD of goodbye songs), so it's usually the best case scenerio to just bite the bullet and take it for what it is.

 

Don't contact him. At this time, work on yourself and get yourself on a little more stable ground. Even if you see him at school, maybe give a head nod or a smile, but other than that I think the best case for you right now is too just start the moving on process.

[volution]

God...men eh!

What a bunch of shallow, stringing-along beasts....

It is clear that this person doesn't really see love as more than sex and physical attraction - no-one who thinks of love as more than this would EVER say something like "I don't find you physically attractive [anymore]..."

There are probably unresolved issues with this chap, and I would forsee that you would have trouble if you were to ever try and rekindle something with him - problems don't just go away, and relationships have the uncanny habit of stirring up everything within us, good and bad....

And "Maybe" is usually just a light put-down, so as to not offend.

In relationships, maybe usally means never again...

[annie24]

I think that really the best thing you can do is to stop contacting him. I think that we've all seen it time and again both on these boards and in real life. Begging, pleading, crying - it all does nothing.

 

Let him see what it is really like to live without your beautiful self. Listen to Volution - maybe does tend to be never. Move on as quickly as you can from this jerk.

 

Yes, I have been in a similar situation. My two most important things I can tell you are that it is over, and move on. Don't read into anything he says or does. Next, if he wants you back, he still knows where you live, and he can come running to your doorstep with a dozen long-stemmed roses, boxes of chocolates, and tons of "I want you back - Let's try again." (I know, because my ex came back, and that's how it went, more or less.)

 

Don't settle for anything less than that, and don't read into anything! Those songs were written by music artists. Personally, I think giving you a CD of goodbye songs is pretty tacky....

 

Good luck

[selfi]

Thanks guys, just a couple of questions though;

 

Is there a reason I shouldnt be reading into what he says? Am I comforting myself by reading into things thinking he still wants me?

 

What do you mean be maybe tend to be never? Its weird because he said to me that he doesnt see himself with me in the future, but still says theres a chance(?)

 

IF I dont contact him/talk to him at school whatsoever, and along the line he does want to come back will the new 'me' who doesnt cry herself to sleep anymore, pray every night for him etc loose the love feelings im having now?

[annie24]

Its weird because he said to me that he doesnt see himself with me in the future, but still says theres a chance(?)

 

Oh, trust me, it's what the ALL say during a breakup.

 

For instance, one day, I may be at a 7-11 and Brad Pitt will see me walk in, decide I am just the most wonderful, smart, spectacular woman he has ever seen, and he will dump Angelina Jolie for me. Ok, it's not likely, but it is possible, there is a chance.

 

I think that's what your ex means that there is a possibility you two may get together.

 

There's a good book, "He's just not that into you." There is a chapter called, "He's just not that into you if he's breaking up with you: I don't want to go out with you means just that." Sorry, it sucks, but if he wanted to be with you, he wouldn't have broken up with you.

[selfi]

For instance, one day, I may be at a 7-11 and Brad Pitt will see me walk in, decide I am just the most wonderful, smart, spectacular woman he has ever seen, and he will dump Angelina Jolie for me. Ok, it's not likely, but it is possible, there is a chance.

 

But isnt that putting things too loosely? I know he did brake with ME, but Im only concerned because it seems like the problem is with himself, not me, yet he doesnt know it. So thats why prehaps I think I should wait till he discovers it for himself. I know I probably look like some blubbering dumpee who just doesnt want to face facts, but if the relationship wasnt so wonderful, I wouldnt feel so strongly about mending things.

[annie24]

If he needs to work on himself, he has to do it alone. You reminding him how wonderful you are isn't going to change his mind. The best thing you can do is to move on as quickly as you can.

 

Have you ever broken up with someone? When you broke up with them, did you really want to stay with them, or did you really mean it? If they came crying for you, do you think it would have helped?

 

I think if he realizes he made a mistake, he can come running after you. I think many of us here have had some exes that came back, others that didn't. No one wants to go back to a blubbering ex. People would rather go back to the happy ex who is moving on with their life. That's why "waiting around" for him is the worst possible thing you can do if you really want him back.

[annie24]

For instance, one day, I may be at a 7-11 and Brad Pitt will see me walk in, decide I am just the most wonderful, smart, spectacular woman he has ever seen, and he will dump Angelina Jolie for me. Ok, it's not likely, but it is possible, there is a chance.

 

But isnt that putting things too loosely? I know he did brake with ME, but Im only concerned because it seems like the problem is with himself, not me, yet he doesnt know it. So thats why prehaps I think I should wait till he discovers it for himself. I know I probably look like some blubbering dumpee who just doesnt want to face facts, but if the relationship wasnt so wonderful, I wouldnt feel so strongly about mending things.

 

No, it's really not putting it too loosely. I used to live in southern california, where my friends and I would often see celebrities in clubs, bookstores, and starbucks. There was a quite large possibility that Brad Pitt would see me, I lived in his area, and I'm a pretty cute girl. But... sadly.... nothing....

 

That is what he means when he says "there is a possibility." Most dumpers don't want to say NO - NEVER EVER EVER for 2 reasons. 1) They don't want to hurt your feelings by saying that they will never ever ever ever go out with you again. and 2) Just in case, they like a back-up plan in case they change their mind in the future. After all, most people don't even know what they will eat for dinner tomorrow, so how could he possibily know how he will feel about you in 6 months?

[selfi]

I see where you are coming from.

 

A quick question on something I may have done wrong today at university. After class was over, I pulled him aside to ask him what he did over the weekend, as not talking to him/ seeing him was so hard, and I really was interested. After he told me (surprisingly he has such a busy schedule now that we arent together ) he asked me for a hug and proceeded to tell me he missed me. I hugged back. Was this a bad move?

[annie24]

You're waaaaayyyy over thinking things. I think the hug didn't improve or decrease your chances of getting back with him.