How do I do this?

[kpow]

I knew it would be a mess-- I went straight from work to the pool, did my swim work-out, and came home. He had already picked the kids up and was out at dinner. He came back shortly after i got back from the pool. I was going to just say thanks, see ya later, but instead my fool heart started crying. just crying, and telling him I loved him, I have never loved anyone like him, I am sorry for everything I did that ended the relationship. Now I am in tears, I can't even see the screen. He told me he could never be with me again, never stand next to me. that i made him feel inferior and not good enough for so long, that I rejected him, and he has moved on and how could I play the victim now.

 

It was like we were talking about two different relationships-- the relationship I have memorialized where he met me at the finish line of a triathlon with a cup of gatorade and a goofy grin on his face. the relationship where we made mad mad mad love to each other, where we both knew the second we concieved our daughter, and we both cried.

 

where i cooked him dinner every night, and played jazz or opera, and we drank a bottle of good wine before falling into our bed everynight. where we took our kids to breakfast every Sunday at the same diner, where all the waitresses knew our names, and thought our kids were adorable.

 

where he took care of me when I was so sick during my pregnancy that i couldn't even make it to the bathroom, and he never blinked. how he would sleep next to our daughter's bed when she was sick, and care for her during the night.

 

oh God, oh god. I feel like I have lost everything, that I threw it all away because-- because I don't even know why now, I am so confused.

[confused_male_32]

I guess now you understand why my handle is confused_male. I feel so terrible about what happened to you.

Like in every relationship, what hurts the most are the little details about the things that you once did with your ex-. I guess what you are asking is "how can he change this much?". Maybe in case of this guy, your success as a physician always made him feel a little bit jealous on the inside.

I have come to realize that grief from a breakup must run its course. There is nothing once can do to bypass that. However, you may be able to lessen the pain by surrounding yourself with people who care for you.

On this site, everybody is a stranger, but there is something common among all of us; we have all been hurt in some way at some point in our lives. Our stories are not that different from one another.

You never talk about your friends much. I am sure that before this guy you must have had a very rich social life. From yours posts, we know more about your ex- that we know about you. It would be nice to get to know you as well.

We would really like to help in anyway we can and see you through this dark times.

I know and I feel very strongly that your ex- will come back to you very very soon and tell you how sorry he is and how much he loves you. It happens in every breakup story.

It will be up to you to decide what you would do at that point.

...............The truth is that there is no "right decision". There is ony the decision that seems right at that point. If we could all see the future, we would not be here in the first place.

Do what your heart thinks is right and it will be.

Let me know if I can help in anyway to make you feel better

[sonjam]

Kpow, stop staring yourself blind in what could have been. Deep in your heart you know he was not the right guy for you. All you see now is the things that could have been, but you know what the things he is not, is not about to go away. Cindy will realise that soon enough too. It's not all moonshine and roses over there you know. The shine will wear off soon, and then she will also be left feeling disillusioned and angry. Also, it must be horrible knowing his ex gf and mother of his child is sleeping in the condo below, and there is no way in hell She could ever break the attachment you have with him....

 

It is sad that you have to move away, but it will be better for you and the kids.

 

YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE than him, and what he can give you. Setting high standards for yourself is not wrong, it is the best thing you can do, and the closest you can come to finding MR RIGHT. As long as those standards are not unrealistic, you will stand a minimal chance in falling into miserable and failing relationships in future.

 

I will think of you today.

[eimono]

Kpow,

 

I found and read your post today. I too am having such a hard time with things. Before I was married and my ex left the state. It took me a little longer, but I did recover.

 

Now, my (ex)GF still wants to work on things. Yet she moved out and needed some space. So many people here, and others in my life have told me to do NC. But it is just so hard for me as well. I see the many things I did wrong, and how much I wish I could fix them. The what if's just haunt me all day long. And before I go to bed, the place where I used to feel so close to her, I am forced to be alone with my own thoughts.

 

Everyone tells me I need to move on, but it's so hard for me because I need her to not leave me. I need her to see me as something that is worth a dang. I need her to give me a chance.

 

And as much as that is true, I know that I tried very hard to make things better between us. I searched back through some posts on here and found where I asked for help 5 MONTHS before this happened. That I DID do things. It was very little, but it at least helped me to not feel like I was such a failure. I know that I made lots of mistakes. I know that I could have done better. But I also know that I put myself aside for her. That I moved my boundaries of what I would allow someone to do for me. Just because I thought she would change for the better.

 

Maybe you could look back at the things you did for him. See that you gave yourself to him and the relationship. And from your post, he didn't grow with you. He refused to overcome his character limitations and was holding you back.

 

I wanted so much for my (ex)GF to grow emotionally, to overcome her issues. But they never happened. In most cases, it takes great emotional pain to make someone change. So when we provide a safe place for them, they don't feel a need to change.

 

Right now, I would be so much better if I could just come to a decision about moving on or staying. I see her try, and then I see her not. I think I know in my heart that this is and has been over for some time. But I haven't let go yet. So I'm making things harder on myself. You can pick up where I can't. Allow yourself to grow as the person you are supposed to be.

 

I too have been told to just focus on the bad. I don't think that is really going to help. We had good times with them, we love them still. Accept that, and see what we want from another in a relationship. People always say, "there are so many others out there, you will find another one." Right now I don't feel that way. And from what you have said, you don't either. And the truth of the matter is we may never find someone else. But I know that letting this hold me down and feeling I want to diei is not going to attract the type of person I need and want. I have to learn to be happy with myself and what gifts God has given me.

 

Remember back when you met your ex, were you happy at that time in your life? Were things good? No one wants to be around us when were down. That's the one thing we feel like being too. Lets pretend to be happy.

 

Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.

 

Kurt Vonnegut

 

Just one day at a time. I'll keep you in my prayers.

[eimono]

Kpow,

 

Do you see the pattern? You're drawn to the things in your personality that you don't have. You are very accomplished, you have goals, you strive to be better. Yet you're drawn to people who don't have these qualities.

 

Maybe it's your bad side, the one that sometimes resents working so hard to get the things you have. They are drawn to you since you give them the things they don't have. They are not willing to improve their lives so they depend on you to do it for them. It seems like you are taking on the mother role for them and they then resent you for being the parent and leave. Very common, I did somewhat the same things.

 

This is important, so next time, you don't repeat the same mistake. You may be attracted so that type of person. But really, is it because we feel safe that we give them something they don't have?

 

For me, I have a low self-esteem. The fact I have something that they need makes me feel good about myself. So I'm attracted to people who have a deficit of some type. In my marriage, my ex needed me to take care of her. Do the bills, make the money, fix the house, and figure things out. She depended on me. And in the end, I resented her for it. So with my (ex)GF I picked someone who was independent and intelligent. However, I failed to see I picked someone who wasn't dealing with issues in her life. I tried to fix her, help her grow. And I became the parent and she grew up and left. (well sorta...)

 

Look back at your own story, are you finding people who you can do something for and have no value to you? Next time, find someone who has goals and can grow with you in life. Then, I think, you will truly be happy.

[Relationship Coach]

kpow,

 

After reading through all of your heart wrenching posts, I figured you are doing some things right and a few wrong.

 

First of all, moving is a great idea for you, it may in the interim be tough on your children but in the long run as you put your life back together you will be and appear to them as a very strong woman. Your frequent breakdowns whether in front of them or not is hurting them and creating uncertainty in their future.

 

You are a strong professional woman, you must conduct yourself as so. You did what was best for you and you children in the beginning, no mistakes there. The fact that he has cleaned up his life and moved on is good. Yes, it makes you want him back because now he is what you wanted before but you probably saved his life. He should thank you. Now save your own. You have two children who love you and need your direct nurturing. A future stepmother or "ho" however you want to look at it is NO substitute for you!

 

Starting over can be scary but getting over the former partner will give you the strength to do anything. Stop the crying and start making a life for yourself.

 

If you were to hang on and someday win him back...would you really want him after all you have been through? Making love to him without picturing him with her is a permanent scar. There will be arguments waiting around every turn. It is too easy to bring up dirty laundry in a heated argument, not to mention trust issues with the now displaced "ho" out of the picture or is she? See what I mean? You will always question his honesty and fidelity, it's human nature.

 

A fresh start for you and your children is best for all. Having him clean and happy in a relationship with someone else instills stability for your kids.

 

Remember, you are never alone. You are surrounded by friends 24/7 here.

[kpow]

Well, I don't want to jinx it but overall i am feeling stronger. When I think about ex I no longer get that overwhelming despair feeling-- you know the one: your gut churns, turns and twists. Maybe you dry heave a few times. You feel you are going to crawl out of your skin because you are so miserable inside of it. Where you wish you could rip your own heart out because the pain it is causing is really too much to bear. Yeah, that feeling is only too close. But it is not here right now. I haven't actually cried in a few days. close, but no weeping sessions. Thankfully I haven't seen him since Wednesday, and in the meantime I have gotten great support from friends, family and of course enotalone.

 

Boy, this is hard. Medical school was a piece of fricken' cake compared to this.

I just can't wrap my head around the fact that he has moved on. he seems like he is the mature one now, the emotional stalwart. I am the emotional toddler now. it kills me, because in our relationship all I ever wanted from him was to grow up and assume a man role, not continue to expect me to take care of everything for him. And now I see him doing it on his own (well, with Cindy's help, of course-- b*&ch). And that hurts so much. IT hurts to think that we weren't right for each other, that we brought out the worst in each other, along with the best. It really, really, really hurts.

 

I know I need to move on. It is like one teeny, tiny, miniscule step forward, and then someone tackling you in the gut and pushing you back 10 yards.

 

I had better stop before I slip into a weeping session. I must go take care of the children and go to work today.

[confused_male_32]

Hi, its me again. I am glad to hear that you are feeling stronger. I doubt there is any experience in this world that prepares you for breakups.

I know from my personal experience that everytime I broke up something inside me changed and my whole personality was modified.

Here is what happened with me.

I broke up with my ex- gf just two months back and the pain has been too much to bear. I wake up every so early morning with a sharp pain in my heart and I can't go back to sleep. I can't eat, sleep or do anything meaningful. I feel like just curling up and dying.

After breaking up it took her only four days to find someone new. We have been dating for four years and we just planned to move into our new apt. and just a month before it happens, she breaks up with me. We planned to buy a new car, take a vacation in the Caribbean this winter and get a dog.

15 days after meeting this new person, she decided to move in with him. Apparently they are taking a vacation in the Caribbeans and buying a new car.

Just thought of them doing this kills me. I feel like a piece of napkin used and thrown away. None of her plans have changed, she just replaced me with someone else.

I don't know what to do......I feel so lost. I feel like my soul just died and I can never love anyone again.

When I read your posts, I realized that there are people out there hurt just as bad or even more and my heart reached out to you immidiately. My problems are nothing compared to what you are facing. You are so strong and such a nice person. I think you will meet someone nice who will love you so much all the pain will melt away. I try to live one day at a time and with each day it gets slightly better.

I will pm you my e-mail address and I would love to stay in touch.

take care and lots of luv

confused_male_32

[kpow]

confused,

 

Oh man, that sucks. Believe me i can understand where you are coming from. It is the fact that our exes are with someone else that is probably the most unbearable part of it. i just saw my exes girlfriend come home and go upstairs-- how's that for in your face? Now I don't feel so strong. I feel lame, weak and unwanted.

 

Why did you break up with her? There must have been some reasons. Why does this breakup thing have to be so hard?? Why are the feelings so overwhelming, so unbearable, so consuming? And especially when for all intents and purposes the relationships weren't the ideal relationships to begin with?

 

I am losing faith in mankind. Everyone seems so superficial, caught up in things that really don't matter. I feel I am alone here in this city, so isolated from my friends and family. And I am the center for my kids-- I don't want to screw them up because I am such a mess. But it is hard to be doing this all alone. I was talking with my sister, and I was saying is this the way it is supposed to be?? Am I supposed to be raising these girls on my own?? What the f*ck??????

 

This is such a struggle. Why can't it get smoother, easier?? Now I am really bummed. So much for not crying anymore. When i first met my ex i gave him everything in my heart-- everything. i gave him my daughter, another daughter, my life, my soul, my home. And he just f#cking throws it back in my face, wipes me off his shoe like a piece of dog sh#t, and start banging the girl who lives upstairs from me. Right now, this is just UNBEARABLE.

[sonjam]

Kpow, anger is just another phase in the healing process... you are making progress! It all doesn't just go away, but it gets less as time goes by. You will make it, I know. How is it going with the sale of the condo, any takers?? Best thing would be for you to move out of there, and closer to your own supportstructure, family and friends.

[kpow]

Two of my friends just left. They are so great, such beautiful, strong, intelligent women. One is from India, the other from Pakistan. I love the strength of women. We are the childbearers, the caretakers, the fiber that weaves the fabric of all of civilization. i love that I am a fertile woman, who bears children. My children are so amazingly, brilliantly, painfully beautiful.

 

i am listening to Nina Simone, drinking red wine. I am so painfully alone, yet attached to all of womankind by some thread, some string that attaches us and we feel the pull when one of us is hurting. And we rally around our fallen one, and care for her, and help her, build her up, take care of her children until she is again able.

 

So I never told you the one about when I cut a guy's chest open-- he had been shot and basically was dying. I cut his chest open, put a clamp on his aorta, and massaged his heart to bring blood flow back to his brain and organs. It was such an amazing experience, to at least try to actually with my own hands bring someone back to life, literally, pumping the blood through his body. I love that part of medicine, i love having the ability to bring someone back from the edge of disaster. i am not into the mundane, day to day "my back hurts doc" sh#t. i like trauma, disaster, bring it on. But it's not like I think I am so great, and can do whatever. More like I have been taught these things, these skills, and if I can use them, then it is good. Like an athelete who excels at their game, it is not like they are pretending to be something other than they are. They are just doing what comes naturally. For me that is taking care of critically ill patients. Thank god for my job, since my personal life is literally a disaster. If only I could massage some life into that.

 

Boy, it is past my bedtime. To all of you hurting souls out there, I send you a healing prayer. You are not alone.

[kpow]

My shirt is wet with my tears right now. I am in some sort of masochisist hell, where I keep calling the ex, and one time we talk and he tells me he will always love me, he misses me, it is hard for him, and the next time how he swore to himself that he would never be with me again, that he would never let me hurt him. And he says how basically it is me, and my family (who have supported me) that screwed everything up. Because my family stands by me, instead of taking his side. He is so crazy-- he can't believe that it is right for my friends and family to be next to me. And he still thinks there is nothing wrong with him banging the girl upstaris. That it is merely my choice to be upset by this, and that I am being unreasonable.

 

He says I am in lala land, not him. Maybe I am. I am in some stupid land where I am taken for the bad guy.

 

I am just praying for the day that this all ends. I hope I come out better in the end, not worse. I find it cathartic in some way, this self flagellation. Hearing over and over how the man i am in love with doesn't want me by his side. i suppose this stage will end at some point. I wish I was stronger. That I could be consistent in my feelings, actions, when it comes to him.

[kpow]

I am at the end of my string with trying to get the ex back. I have tried every approach possible, and have been shut down each time. He says he loves me, i am his soul, we are the loves of each other's lives. But, he cannot be with me. He doesn't feel the same. He has buried his love for me somewhere distant, and he threw the map away, and can't find it. I know he doesn't want to find it. I hurt him too much. I rejected him, thinking I knew better, I was better off on my own. Do you know how much it hurts knowing that I inflicted this on myself? That I brought about this pain on my own? That I hurt him so much, and i was blind to it for so long.

 

I still think about him all the time. If I close my eyes I can feel him next to me. I know where his scars are, his soft spots, I can feel his lips on mine, and the love and passion that passed through them.[

 

I didn't think that the last time we made love would be the LAST time.

 

I feel so inferior to this girl he is seeing. She is on a pedastal, she can do no wrong, has done no wrong.

 

But i am tired of this battle. I have seen the cards on the table, and I must fold. I have no strength to continue to throw myself at him. And i can see it only hurts him when I do. I just grieve for my family, for my girls who will not know what it means to have a mommy and daddy in the same house. Who had to watch their mommy go through hell, and come out with 3rd degree burns all over. I am scarred, my heart is scarred. I must own this pain, turn it to good, somehow come out alive again.

 

 

I never meant for this to happen. i never set out to hurt anyone, to hurt myself. Why do we go down these paths, when we can see danger signs posted along the way. We choose to ignore them, saying to ourselves-- "I won't get hurt, I will be the one to make it through unscathed."

 

Why do we end up with those that we hurt, and hurt us? Are we doomed to repeat this, or can we stop the cycle? I hope I can. I need to-- I need to show my children that it can be done. They need a loving, supportive family, and a mother and father as role models on how to be, not NOT how to be.

 

I was willing to take my ex, with all the pain and "faults' he had, with all the problems I knew we had, I was willing to lay down my weapons, my pride, my defenses and open the gate. I was willing to accept him as is, not wanting anything more, not expecting anything more. Just as is. And I would have loved him as a man should be loved, and been content with my family intact. Because ultimately, it is our job to ensure our happiness, not our partner's. So I wouldn't have looked to him to make me happy, I just would have been happy being with him.

 

But it is not to be.

[sonjam]

Kpow, you have to go on the path of acceptance now. In a way he is assitsting you in keeping you in this pit of mysery, by telling you nice things, that he knows you will take to your heart, and then in the same breath rejecting you. A person that loves and cares for you does not do that. He's inconsistent, and in a relationship with somoene else. Don't worry she will fall from her pedestal soon enough.

 

YOU however, have to STOP doing this to yourself. What happened to that strong girl who was willing to move, and move on with her life? You are also enflicting scars onto your beautifull girls, by doing this. Do you want them to think this is the way to go about it, and have the hurt in seeing them do the same for a man they think they love in the future?? NO no and a resounding NO!

 

You are such a strong brave person, you need to look at your own chest, reach in there (mentally) and message that heart of yours, mend it. It must be the hardest thing in all the world to do, but you can do it, I know it.

 

PLEASE for you own wellbeing, try and break contact with this guy, or keep it to the bear minimum. He has no right to speak to you about love, and soulmates. Already he' cheating on his partner by telling you this. Do you think she would like knowing how he tells you he loves you and you are his soulmate??

 

He's vicious, cold and calculated. YOU DESERVE BETTER!

[kpow]

Sonjam,

 

God knows I am trying to get my heart pumping again-- I am trying and yet I don't seem to be getting anywhere. Nowhere at all. Just going around in circles in my head, driving myself crazy with regret and yearning.

 

I need to refocus-- I keep thinking about the future and the past, about fears and regrets. I can't seem to focus on the now-- on what I do have, to feel thankful for my gifts, my children.

 

Please continue to give me strength. Right now i am running on empty.

[sonjam]

Kpow, have you ever tried the power of affirmation? In the beginning it feels like you are lying to yourself, to the world, but after awhile you start believing you really are better and stronger, and you will be happy, and then it starts happening.

 

Start by doing this: When you wake up in the morning be THANKFULL:

 

1. FOR YOUR KIDS

2. for the new day

3. For a roof over your head, food on your plate, and a good job you love

4. For the opportunities that will come your way

5. you add the rest in.

 

Do this every day, be thankfull and affirm it to yourself, for the rain, the sunshine your daughters smiles, hugs and kisses, a healthy body, an intelligint brain, opportunities....

 

It really helps to see through all the dark clouds.

 

PS: And for heavens sake, try to avoid that ex of yours....!! He's not good for you right now, or ever.

 

Just one of the many ways I got myself through deep dark depression, divorce, and death of loved ones.

 

Been there, and done that girl, my heart bleeds for you every day, that is why I believe you have to try and move away. They scratch at your raw wound every day you see them together.

[sonjam]

Kpow, you are in my thoughts every day, I hope you are well, and that you are coping. Please let us know.

[kpow]

It is Thanksgiving-- usually my favorite holiday of them all. I love cooking and having my family and friends gather-- no gifts, no cheesy decorations. Just food and company. But today SUCKS. It is *his* birthday, and he wants to take the baby with him today, and I know *she* will be there. And each day I say this should be easier, there should be less pain, more acceptance, more healing. And yet even today I am in tears.

 

I went to Disney for a few days with my kids and mom. It was so hard to see all of the families with moms and dads and kids-- all together and joyful and sharing. It breaks my heart into pieces to think my children don't have a father-- I know there are so many special lessons that only their dad could teach them, and they will miss out seeing him every other weekend. And to raise 2 kids on my own-- it is tiring to say the least.

 

The other thing is my mother. She is such a bitter, defensive, alcoholic woman. I SO don't want to end up like her. She and my father are still married, but i don't understand their relationship one bit. My dad used to be a lawyer, respected, etc. But now he is basically a bum, living off of my mom for the most part, working construction. I don't know why he left law-- if he had to, or it was his choice. He always did things like not paying taxes, or not doing some important thing that ended up screwing my mom in the long run (like the IRS taking her retirement account b/c he didn't pay taxes for years). But they feed off of each other, their joint misery and alcoholism. My mom seems like she despises him, yet when the chips are really down-- like when she got sick or he got high blood pressure-- then they drop everything and are there for each other-- they are the first people they call. Maybe b/c there is no one else to call.

 

But I hope and pray that this is not my future. I still believe in love-- in a balanced love of give and take. I want to love again--- but I know I must heal this heart first.

 

Thank-you to everyone for your support. Please keep it coming, I need it more than ever. Special thanks to Sonjam for keeping me in your thoughts.

[sonjam]

Reading about your mom and dad, is like reading you describe your relationship with your ex......

 

He also didn't have a steady job, place to stay, stability...etc.... Don't you see how lucky you really are to have gotten out of the same vicious circle you were about to end up in? You now have the opportunity to break the circle, to not end up like your folks, to find somebody who is trustworthy, dependable, able to contribute to the emotional and social education of your kids, so that they too don't end up with the same type of person.

 

I know your heart aches, but Kpow, do some soul searching, I think its a PARTNER you long for, a soulmate to share love with, laugh with, love and be loved, not NECESARILLY THAT partner you lost. Now that there is nobody, he seems like the perfect guy, but he really wasn't.

[StandTall]

1. I am thankful that I got invited to a friend's party last night.
   
2. I am thankful I got up the nerve to ask 2 women for their phone numbers yesterday, and they both said yes.
   
3. I am thankful for some forward progress, even if it is small.
   
4. I am thankful that the difficult, long weekend is over, and my friends are back in town.
   
5. I am thankful that I have been able to stay away from my ex, and put an end to the hurting.

[sonjam]

Kpow, how are you doing? YOu have been in my thoughts and prayers.

[kpow]

I am still here. . . thank-you Sonjam for keeping me in your thoughts. It is needed, always. I am doing my best to move forward, to be the best possible mom for my children. I am praying everyday, and hoping that God will help guide me, and give me the strength I need at this time. Thank-you so much for your thoughts, though. Even if I am not here everyday, I still do visit.

[kpow]

Well it has been several months, for some reason I was compelled to start writing again. Things have not gone well at all, in fact, although the acute daily agony is not there, I am no where near happy.

 

I have a permanent room at Hotel Grief. I still miss my ex, still tell him I love him during every conversation. I have tried to distract myself in every way possible-- work, working out, guitar playing, art, music, dating, dancing, drinking, travelling, my girls, knitting, etc. It has all been for sh*t. I just can't shake the feeling that I have made the BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE by kicking him out. I still feel that I have had a limb cut off partially, and am dragging it around, trying to reattach it with no luck.

 

I feel sorry for myself on a daily basis-- so lame-o, I know, but unavoidable. I feel disconnected from life here-- from my work, friends, social life-- like I don't belong, or am marked "different".

 

Where is the end to this? I feel like i was some sort of monster, the way the ex talks about it-- that I basically caused everything to go wrong. Am I that screwed up? Am I that out of touch with reality, am I that dysfunctional? If so, is there any hope? How do I fix this?

 

This heartache. . . who knew it would be so bad. Who knew that for over 6 months now I have cried almost everyday, regretted so hard my decisions, been so lost that I would have better luck navigating my way back from Neptune than finding my way out of this.

 

I hate my life, I hate who I have become, and who I have been. I feel no pride in what I have accomplished, because it is all for nothing without love.

[Nathalie1970]

kpow,

 

I just read your whole thread and I am so sorry that you still feel this way. Reading your story was like looking in a mirror. I also have 2 kids, was married for 8 yrs and in a relationship afterwards for 3yrs(he is and always will be the love of my life). I broke up with him 2 months ago, he was verbally abusive, jealous, controlling and a liar. I stayed because he was good to my children (he always let me know that not all men would be willing to do this). He has been so wrong, I tell men that I have 2 kids and they still ask me out....it does not phase them (I haven't gone out with anyone because I am not ready but it does make me feel better). Go out with your girlfriends, for dinner, for a glass of wine...etc it will make you feel better to socialize.

 

This is the sick part, I spent the next 7 wks begging, pleading, convincing, crying etc that we should get back together, finally I put a stop to that. During the whole time I couldn't eat, sleep (I was taking tylenol pm), smoked tons, slept all day, cried, felt the despair....but I have been in therapy to get over all of this. Last august, I actually tried to take my own life because of the ex bf and how he made me feel worthless. Now I look back and think what the hell was I doing??? No man is worth it, my kids have kept me on track this time. Don't get me wrong, I still miss the s.o.b.

 

Please tell me you have moved, and can't see them, I think that might be where alot of your hurt is coming from.

 

Good Luck, you are in my prayers....keep us posted

[Nathalie1970]

p.s.

 

You did nothing wrong...it wasn't right, you need to focus on that, you kicked him out for a reason and the fact that he is sleeping with your "friend" should show you that he isn't worth it