My 7 months here at enotalone

[NightsEcho]

Hello all, I am a 21 year-old male, from Canada. 7 Months ago, I went through the breakup of my g/f that hit me very hard. It was during this desperate phase, and asking Google for "Breakup Advice" That I came upon this site. I could spend hours rehashing the details so I'll break it into point form.

- 3 1/2 year relationship to High School Sweetheart, ended when she found new friends, and needed space.

- Within 2 weeks had a new guy, but I'm sure he was in the background to some degree for longer.

- Strung me along for two months with I love you's and not being sure if we would reconcile

-Found out from her best friend, that she kissed another guy...maybe more 6 months prior to breakup

-Had Low contact and NC about 3 or 4 times usually lasting about 1-2 months.

 

After all this we still sometimes talk on e-mail, and am still waiting to get some stuff back from her. She is moving away, and I have honestly killed most of the hope for reconcilliation. It hurt but I'm doing better. I'm in my 3rd year of business school, and I feel I have lot's to offer. Just kinda in Limbo. I have been dating, and did the almost obligatory rebound, but like most was merely a distraction. She tells me how happy she is, how busy, and how great her life is. I can't tell if it's real or not.

 

My question is this. I went through th sadness, and also the period where I just drank and had fun, and hooked up and all that. Now I am at a point where I feel drained....and a lingering question of "now what?" I have had my fun, gotten over her for the most part, but am now not quite sure where to go from here. I can't party and hook up forever, but I did enjoy my vacation there. Can anyone tell me what the next sequence is. When do your emotions start coming back? Like they bounce and are on EXTREME for so long, then kinda go numb. Anyone else been through this?

NE

[Joe19999]

Have you really dealt with the break up? Meaning thought about it and reconciled with it without the drinking and other methods of forgetting? You might still need to do so. Remember, a loss is a loss and you do need to "grieve". It's okay to feel a little numb right now, but it's important for you to face your problem and your feelings, and not counter that numbness with behavior that will only numb the numbness.

[Akua]

NightsEcho, from a female perspective, if I talked to my ex, I woudl say I am doing great and am happy. And in everypart of my life, except for my relationship/social life, that is true. HOwever, I would never let my ex know that i haven't had a good date or feel that my life is back on track. I'm starting my 5th month since we broke up and it's been over 4 months since I have communicated with him (I am NCing but he has tried contacted 4 or 5 times).

 

I haven't started dating anyone and have had a few people interested in me, but nothing has panned out. Part of it is me making excuses to not hang out with people, but for whatever reason I just don't have it in me. I will agree that I am just exhausted. People say keep busy and you will one day wake up and be tired of dealing with it and it will be over. Yeah, it's over between him and me, but there is still this BLAH feeling in me. I just don't have that desire to go out and try. I rather be in my PJs and dream of what something could be with someone else. That's a lot easier I guess. Part of me worries that I am just waiting for life to happen. I do wonder about him...and I know he is miserable. I feel sorry for him, but regardless I will never let him see me weak.

 

 

So that is my perspective. I just wanna know how much longer, like you said, will it be until I am me again....

[NightsEcho]

Hey, if you don't mind me asking why did the two of you break up?

[Akua]

Why did we break up? I tell people I don't know bc I never got astraight answer from him. But we were long distance. The plan was for me to move to where his next job would take him and well he found out he got a temporary assignment somewhere else. I just htought I would do my own thing until there was a permanent move. He thought something different. He said I am too ambitious of a woman to follow hi m around. (wanna translate that? I thought I made my own deicisions in my life?)The truth was I was hesitant about moving in the first place bc I woudl sacrifice everything for someone who I didn't think was being honest with me. And lots of other stupid boy (that was always his excuse) stuff. So that was my reason. His reason...I still don't know and I am not going ot talk with someone who still cannot give me an upfront honest answer. But when we broke up, I told him he was breaking up with me. I was willing to go the extra step to make sure that we would work out. There is a whole post on it if you want to read more. We were together for a year and half and we were eachother's first love...or so I thought. HA! Now I know exactly what I want and I am thankful everyday that he broke up with me. I am just angry with myself that I didn't end it sooner or even put up with all the stupid stuff that I wouldn't even tolerate my friends' bfs doing. So I see the brigh side of it, i guess.