What does this mean??? Please help

[LoveLife8888]

Similar situation as "teach1".

 

I have been dating this guy who also lives in my small home town (39,000 people live here approximately) since the end of June which would make it almost 3 1/2 months now.

 

We only have seen each other on MOnday's, Wed and Fridays. Never on a Sat. nite or Sunday or Sunday nite. Only 1 time in the summer did I see him on Sat. until 4:30pm.

 

He is close to my age, divorsed. I have been to his house about 4 times now, one time with my son.

 

He takes me out in our town that we both live in, BUT

 

I have never met any of his friends or family ever. About 2 weeks ago we had a formal conversation where we are both exclusive (re: sex and not seeing other people).

 

I wrote in the past on this site saying that one time I asked him to sleep over (when my son was at the cottage and not here with me at home) and he refused but said sometime in the future he would, he was just not ready yet.

 

Now what do you all think.???

 

Feedback would be greatly appreciated.

 

Teach1 and I should discuss this topic because we are in the same boat, but I think her situation is better at this point than mine.

 

8)

[caasiopia68]

im not teach1 but that is kinda odd for a guy to say he isnt ready. Give him some space. Convince him (i guess) to meet his parents.

[annie24]

I'm sorry about your situation. Not seeing him on saturday nights is a red flag! Saturday night is date night! I think that he's either seeing someone else, or he may even be married! Probably, if he is in a relationship, she doesn't work on monday, wednesday, or friday nights. Have you ever asked him out for a saturday night? What does he say?

 

I wrote in the past on this site saying that one time I asked him to sleep over (when my son was at the cottage and not here with me at home) and he refused but said sometime in the future he would, he was just not ready yet.

 

A 50 year old man "isn't ready" to spend the night??? Something is very very wrong here. I do think he's seeing someone else.

 

There are red flags all over the place. TRUST YOUR GUT!

[BillyJean714]

If I were to be with a guy like that and if he did that to me, I would throw him into the gutter right away! Sorry, but I'm not too lenient when people take others for granted.

 

If anything, he should be more ecstatic about seeing you, and this should also include date nights as Annie stated. If he's not showing you at least that kind of attention, I say, move on. Do not settle for less.

 

Trust his actions. I don't know, for some reason, it just sounds really shady to call someone a significant other, yet, not bring them around to meet family, friends, and hang out with them on weekends. Are you sure his divorce is final? Make sure that this isn't a side fling thing, and he's not telling you. I've heard plenty of stories. This is just my speculation. Sorry to rain down on the parade, but I'm pretty skeptical about certain things, and what this guy's doing really does raise some concerns.

[LoveLife8888]

His words have been great, BUT the actions don't back up the words. I met him ONLINE and he did not have a picture.

 

I feel he sees more than one (in different cities) in Canada and the US.

 

 

[Itsok]

Dear, if that's the case, I think he probably is seeing someone else. I have issues with men who do online dating, because many learn that they can have numerous relationships with lots of women who have no idea about one another.

 

It sounds to me like he has at least one other woman on the side.

[annie24]

His words have been great, BUT the actions don't back up the words. I met him ONLINE and he did not have a picture.

 

I feel he sees more than one (in different cities) in Canada and the US.

 

 

 

HUGE red flag!!! Women sometimes won't put up their photo, but that's because of safety reasons. Men on the other hand... they tend not to put up their photo because there is someone else.

 

It sounds like something fishy is going on. I think you should forget this one and find another man.

 

Good luck

[LoveLife8888]

to reply. Thanks.

 

I have yet to hear from him and I lasted talked to him on Monday and today is Saturday. And this is the Thanksgiving long weekend. So next time he calls I will say if you cannot see me on a Sat. nite and Sunday then you will NOT see me. And that would include most if not all Saturdays.

 

Thanks again guys, and tell me your stories you have heard re: this train of thoughts.

 

 

[annie24]

I think if you say that to him, he will come up with some excuse why he can't see you, then he will try to turn it around on you, saying that you ask for too much and are too demanding! (At least, that's what some of the guys I have dated have said.)

 

Don't let him turn it around on you. Personally, I think you already have more than enough information about him to sever ties. He hasn't called you in a week, and now it is a holiday weekend. Who do you think he is spending thanksgiving with? If you were the primary woman in his life, he would be spending thanksgiving with you! There is very clearly someone else I am sorry to say!

 

I think that not having met his friends and family are huge red flags! I mean, you have already introduced your son to him, but he hasn't introduced you to his family? I think you are the woman on the side....

[annie24]

Dear, if that's the case, I think he probably is seeing someone else. I have issues with men who do online dating, because many learn that they can have numerous relationships with lots of women who have no idea about one another.

 

It sounds to me like he has at least one other woman on the side.

 

I think that there are plenty of good guys online, as long as you know how to screen them properly. But, yes, I think there are a lot of players out there, and it is important to learn how to avoid them! (Lack of photo is a good example)

[LoveLife8888]

You see this pattern was hidden from me for all of July and August because I kept leaving our town to go north to the cottage and was gone all of the weekends except ONE, and on that one I saw him Friday nite, then Sat. afternoon until 4:30pm when he said he had to be downtown for a shoot. He is in the entertainment business and they work weekends,

 

BUT, I have NEVER seen him any weekends in Sept. until today. I have asked him and as my friend said he always manages to wiggle out of it.

 

His profile did NOT have a picture and the profile said he made $150,000 per yr. That is NOT why I agreed to meet him. I noticed on the phone we got along great from a conversation standpoint.

 

My friend asked me how tall this guy was (he is 51 but looks 56) and I said 6 feet. She said 6 feet and makes $150,000 per yr? She then went on to say "OH he will have women falling all over him".

 

8)

[annie24]

OK, do you see that it is time to end it with him?

[LoveLife8888]

My idea of a steady bf is one that sees you weekends and you have met at least one of their friends.

 

My X husband, I saw him every Sat. nite then after 2.5 months he slept over every Sat. nite and left Sunday afternoon, then after 3 months I started to meet his important friends.

 

This guy (he lives in my hometown and his name is Rick) says on Sat. nites he used to take his wife out, and thru the week when they were married and living together she looked after their 2 kids and on the weekends she had the time to do her thing and that he watched the kids.

 

He said she is living in the same part of Mississauga Ontario that they shared a house in and that she now lives with a 70 yr old, and he said when I asked him if he ever saw his X wife, he said when he is in Port Credit sometimes he bumps into her.

 

NoW what do you think???

 

 

[annie24]

I don't necessarily know if he's still with his ex-wife. I'm saying it's quite possible he has other women in the area! Actually, I'm pretty confident he's seeing plenty of other women.

 

C'mon! You know better! You said your first husband would see you every saturday after 2 months of dating. This guy.... hasn't done that.

[annie24]

By the way.... is his profile still up?

[LoveLife8888]

that he had taken it off the site and I checked and I don't see it, but you don';t know, he might now have it up and saying he lives in Brampton or Mississauga and not the same town we live in close to those 2 places in Ontario Canada.

 

He might have met a bunch of us and does not need it now. And has like 3 or 4 girlfriends to fall back on when one does not work out.

 

He said he has a friend (might be that he is really talking about himself) who had a rich gf that gave the guy lots of sex and after 7 yrs of being together the amt. of sex slowed down, so the guy dropped her and went out with his other 2 gf's he had along with her all those 7 yrs.

 

This guy I am (or rather soon might not be seeing) seeing said in the early 90's his wife left him for his brother, and that she had been seeing his brother for quite some time before he found out about it.

 

So maybe he has decided to have more that one gf so that if he loses one he has others to fall back on.

 

Last week I said come for dinner to my house wed. nite, which he usually did. He said he could not because he had to do work at a tv studio in Peterboro, so I thought great, now is my opportunity to say Sat. nite instead. Well he called me back the same nite and said he was now going to the tv studio on Tuesday and would be back Tues. nite, but I was not feeling good anyways so I said Wed was no good, Sat. was still a go,

 

BUT he said he could not Sat. nite because he was getting this package he had to work all Sat. sat nite and Sunday on to get a presentation ready for monday morning at 9:00am. This past Monday.

 

So I saw him Friday nite, but he seemed on edge, and I felt like last week he was juggling things around.

 

He seemed flustered. But he left my place on Friday nite last week, he was calm again and said "You have a great weekend. Oh I might call you Sat.", which he never did. I never heard from him Sat. or Sunday of last weekend.

 

So there you have it.

 

Needless to say I had LOTS to think about this past week and my thoughts were not pleasant ones. So I have decided I want more from a relationship and MY needs are not been met.

 

Who cares what he's doing , WHAT do I want. All women should have thoughts like those eh? Men too for that matter when dealing with their gf's.

 

 

[annie24]

BUT he said he could not Sat. nite because he was getting this package he had to work all Sat. sat nite and Sunday on to get a presentation ready for monday morning at 9:00am. This past Monday.

 

He has to get a package on saturday night? Fedex and DHL people don't work on saturday nights...

 

He's a bad liar! And that he was on edge, like "juggling".... I think, there you have it. You have more than enough info.

 

And yes, I think more women should stop and say, "hey.... what's going on here....."

 

You're right, it's quite possible after being burned before, he's decided to have a few "backup" plans around.

[DN]

This sounds highly suspicious. Unless he can come up with a clear and convincing explanation as to why he can only see you on specific days during the week then I would move on.

 

And even if the explanations are convincing - how can you have a meaningful relationship with someone who is not available on weekends?

 

Why does he say he lives in Mississauga or Brampton? They are neighbouring cities but Port Credit (very close to where I live) is in the southern part of Mississauga and nowhere near Brampton? Another red flag.

 

More red flags then on the Kremlin. Don't invest any more time and attention on this unless he has a very good and totally believable explanation.

[LoveLife8888]

Hopefully this will help anyone who has never experienced these things.

 

This is the first time in my lifetime these senerios have ever happeneded. I am not used to it.

 

No he lives in my hometown which is west of Brampton, but I was trying to say that someone can go online and put in a postal code from Mississauga say and the profile on any of the sites would say that that person lived in Mississauga, when really they lived in Acton (using as an example).

 

Internet dating speeds the process up of meeting people but I say quality is very important in a person