Jump to content

the death of my daughter

Recommended Posts

I only posted in this forum a few times so bear with me. My other posts have helped me just by giving me a way to let things out I'm hopeing this will do the same.


On 9/12 I went to my OB-GYN for a checkup I was 36 weeks pregnant (about 8 months) when I got to the office the Doctor couldn't find the heartbeat of the baby. I was told that day that my daughter had died and I would have to go in to the hospital the next day to have a C-section. I had the surgery and burried my little girl 3 days later. She was named after my sister who I have looked up to all my life.


It seems that everyone but me (even my husband) has gotten back to their lives, going to work, spending time with friends, things like that, I understand that eventually I will be able to live again but I am still so overcome with grief that I can't go to work or even talk on the phone. I feel like my family and closest friends have forgotten my beautiful baby.


Does anyone have any advice on living my life again or at least not being angry with my family/friends for moveing on?

Link to comment

This is something that is still very fresh for you. It is going to take time to get over and 2-3 weeks is a drop in the bucket.


Your husband and your family may very well not know what to do right now or how to comfort you. This is something they don't exactly write handbooks on, so find it in your heart to forgive them for not understanding the special hurt that you feel inside.


You will heal from this, but you won't forget her. You aren't supposed to. Grieving is a process that goes through many steps and ends with acceptance, not forgetting.


Talk directly to your husband and your family/friends about what you are feeling. Ask them for what you need, even if it is just to sit and listen to you. Tell them you need support - they will give it even if they don't really know how.


My mother told me that my older brother was stillborn at 37 weeks. She didn't tell me until I was probably 20 or so. And I still remember how much that hurt both of us even then. It was painful for her to tell me. And I was surprised how much I hurt knowing that I almost had an older brother. I was able to help my mother talk through it then and it brought us even closer. Sometimes I still think about what might have been and wonder how his soul is doing. I look forward to the day when I can finally meet him in heaven because I have so many questions to ask.


You may want to consider a little counseling to get you through this. It isn't something you have to go through alone. Perhaps your doctor or the hospital has a program that you could look into where parents who have been through something similar offer each other support.


Let things out. Cry deeply and allow your body to heal itself. You are allowed to feel terrible for awhile. And please do not hesitate to contact me if there is anything I can do for you.


I will pray for you tonight and ask for peace and comfort to come to you.

Link to comment

I'm very sorry for your loss....


One thing I wanted to say, I dont mean to sound rude or anything, but maybe they are able to get on with their lives much easier then you is because they didnt have the bond with the baby like you did. Yes, it was your husbands daughter, and a grandchild or niece to everyone else, but they havent had the bond with her as you did.


I hope I havent made you more upset.

Link to comment

Oh my what you have experienced it truly tragic. My heart goes out to you. I couldn't imagine the pain your feeling.


Perhaps you can check with the hospital to see about a grief support group. One thing you should look into is the RH Factor. If you are a negative blood type and the father/husband is a positive blood type you'd get a shot of antibodies around the 28th week, which prevents stillbirths. Since I have it it's something I thought I'd mention.


Praying that you find peace with your little ones passing.

Link to comment

No one ever fully moves on from a death. But some can return to their own lives quicker than others.

You may think that they don't care; but they do.


Some people just find it hard to express grief - I am one of them.


When my father died, I couldn't find it within myself to let go of him. Probably because we didn't speak for a year before his death.


My family resented me for not showing emotion - like I didn't care. But in my own mind - it hurt.

And it hurt more for the fact that they thought I didn't care.


It could be that your husband is just as hurt as you are - but he can't show it, or he feels that he has to return to 'normality'.


It's a hard time in any one's life - but grief takes as long as it takes.

Don't be hard on yourself for taking your time to grieve, and don't be hard on others because you feel they aren't grieving enough.


Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

Take care.

Link to comment

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I'm sure that everyone is upset and I am more than certain that your husband feels the same as you, even if he is doing his best to keep busy and not to dwell on things as sometimes they hurt too much. We try to carry on when bad things happen, its in our nature to keep busy.

Your grief is bound to be stronger than anyone elses, you afterall had the baby grow inside you, talked to it and loved it before it was even born. Nothing can change that fact and never will but it doesnt mean that they have stopped grieving.

Grief comes in many depths but it is grief nonetheless so try not to be angry because your hsuband cannot understand the depth of yours, I am sure he is doing his very best just trying to deal with his own grief and support you in yours even if he doesnt always show it the way you would like him to.

Link to comment

O Gosh! I am sooo sorry about your loss.


I don't think ANY1, not even your husband will grieve the way you are. YOU were the one who held that baby for 8 months, you breathed her and lived her. YOU felt her kicking and she became a part of YOU..mind, body AND spirit. Nobody else can experience that.


Don't be angry at others for moving on...you will one day too. Just concentrate on feeling better for now. God bless, and good luck!

Link to comment

Today is my Due Date and I am in an aweful state. No one has called me to see if I am okay. I thought that my family would at least call, my family knows today is going to be hard but I haven't heard from anyone. My husband even left the house before I woke up today he usually wakes me up just to say goodbye but I feel like everyone is trying to avoid me. It may sound selfish of me to expect them to say anything but I just need some support.


I just needed to let this out.

Link to comment

its really hard to lose love ones, especially a child. it will take a long time but the pain will eases some, never fully goes away. i was 30 when i lost my mom. what helped me some was reading. i read a few books like the one below. maybe it can help you some too.


"hello from heaven" bill & judy guggenheim.

Link to comment

I feel for you...that is why I am here..I lost my baby too. She was born c section (emergency) and they could not bring her back. It seems that family, atleast mine, doesn't think about things like the due date of a baby that became an angel. She was born and that is what they remember. I had my baby 3 days prior to my due date, go easy on them, they will never understand the pain you are feeling and hopefully they are atleast there for you to talk to. My family just went on and didn't offer much support. My Mom even said "you can't keep coming here every day just so you don't have to go home and deal with it." I wanted to die, and I pray you are not going through the same as I. Good luck to you...it gets better and it helps to know you are not alone.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...