ARRGGHH!!!!! N/C Broken--He sent me an email

[DyingInsideOut]

I'm having such a rough time. I want to email him, but I'm posting here instead.

 

I have other posts relating to my situation, but the gist of it is that we have been off and on for a year. He ended it with me 2 months ago because he didn't think things would work. I had tried so hard to make things work. I was moving 1300 miles away and he used to say he wanted to go with me. Then he decided that things wouldn't work, and ended it one week before I left.

 

Well, I've moved, there's been N/C and I was loving my new life. Things were going really good. I was focusing on my kids. I found a new job. Life was great. I had gotten to the point where I didn't think about him all the time anymore. Not even in the car when all those songs would come on.

 

Then BAM, he sends me an email telling me what he's been doing and asking how things are. He opens it by saying "Hi Baby" and ends it by saying I love you. Well, my stupid self responded. Told him I was happy, that things were great. He responds back saying that he misses me, that he is sad and confused. That he thinks he let his soulmate slip through his fingers. That he talked to his sister and she told him to figure out what he wants in life. He apologized for hurting me. I responded telling him I was still angry and that his sister was right, that he needed to figure out what he wants. That there will be no encouragement from me. He sent me one last email that said he got my message and would respond the next day. It's been 3 days, and he hasn't responded.

 

I hate feeling this way. I was doing so well and so good and then he ruined it. I'm back to thinking about him all the time, I'm back to constantly checking my email waiting for him to respond. I'm back to changing the station on the radio to the news because I can't listen to any songs without thinking of him. I go between hating him and missing him. I want to send him an email asking him why he contacted me if this is the way he's gonna do things.

 

Please help . . . . . .

[BellaDonna]

I responded telling him I was still angry and that his sister was right, that he needed to figure out what he wants. That there will be no encouragement from me. He sent me one last email that said he got my message and would respond the next day. It's been 3 days, and he hasn't responded.

 

You handeled the situation VERY WELL. You kept your response to a bare minimum while being truthful and cordial.

 

You're going to have your ups and downs. This man is clearly very confused. It is NORMAL to feel what you're feeling now after he opened that can of worms again.

 

My best advice would be that remember that you have time on your side. Time cured you the last time- and take comfort that you WILL feel better again. This will pass- just like it did the first time.

 

Don't wait around for him- if he lets you go, it's his loss.

 

I was loving my new life. Things were going really good. I was focusing on my kids. I found a new job. Life was great. I had gotten to the point where I didn't think about him all the time anymore.

 

You will feel this way again. In the meantime try to keep yourself as occupied as possible and foster a positive attitude. Even if it means you having to make a list daily of what is GREAT about your life:

 

(For example)

 

I love my new job!

 

I have wonderful, beautiful children!

 

I have a lot to offer the right man when he comes along!

 

I'm a sucessful, strong independent woman!

 

You need to re-affirm these positive mantras to get yourself back on track. If the love songs are hard to listen to- turn the radio off until you're READY to listen again....or replace it with a motivational CD....or the song "I Will Survive"

 

 

BellaDonna

[Boundaries]

Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

If you didn't care about him, it wouldn't be so difficult. So take it for what it is and do the best you can and handle it the best way you know how. Chin up.

[annie24]

You handled the situation really well. Good job!

 

As for if you should write him and ask him why he wrote you? No. Don't do that. He's confused. First, he says your his soulmate, and then he stops writing. He's clearly confused. Don't ask him what's going on. You're going to get confused yourself, and there's no need for that, because it sounds like you're doing really well.

 

Like BellaDonna said, you have time on your side. You're going to be fine. If he wants you back, well, he knows how to reach you.

 

Take care!

[DyingInsideOut]

Thank you for your words of advice. I was doing so well, but now I just feel like crap all over again. It's basically eating away at me all over.

 

It's strange because I've never been through a break up this bad before. At least not to the point where it hurts this much.

 

I ended up caving today and send him an email . . . . . all it said was "Your silence gives me the all the answers that I need. Thanks for screwing up my life yet again."

 

Never did hear from him. Guess I shouldn't have expected to. I sent the emails that he and I had exchanged to a friend of mine and she said that he is SOOO confused and that it's not right what he's doing to me. That he should have just left me alone until he knew what he wanted. That it wasn't fair what he is putting me through.

 

Guess I have to start over. I wish I would have never responded to that first email. I should have just deleted it. But it was too hard not to.

 

GOD I HATE THIS. I miss him so much.