scorchio Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Hi all, If we the dumpee found out our ex (the dumper) was dating someone else, would this close the door on any hope of getting back. Im not sure if my ex is with anyone else or not. Dont think so, but suppose probably best not to know. If it was the case just makes me have silly ideas going around in my head that it would mean she has no need to think about me anymore because she with anyone, no need to miss me etc. Just interested on anyones thoughts on that please someone tell me im being silly and my mind is exagerating too much LOL ive been doing N/C for about 3 1/2ish months, split for 5 and bit months the N/C is helping and i am growing stronger, but, miss her and her daughter LOADS. would love for her to get in contact. I am stronger, and am at the point where I am strong enough to not to want to contact her, but still want her to contact me.ALOT! Link to comment
RayKay Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 It really depends on whether she has moved on in her heart and mind or not. It is possible that whether she is with someone or not, she had moved on and is settled in her decision. Also possible either way she might be open to being together again. It's just not something that can be answered either way, though if she was with someone else I would see that as more reason to move on.... Link to comment
GettingOverIt Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 I was in that same place not too long ago myself.... Somehow, the ex was like an addiction of some kind - had to have some kind of contact from her, any kind of contact... You will get over that feeling though. It will pass and then you will shake your head wondering why or how you were so addicted to her... And, yes, I use that word specifically. As far as the ex being with someone else helping you... Truly,I dont think it matters one way or the other... If she is with someone, will that really help you get over her? Okay, maybe in your mind, it would.. We are each different... The question of you two getting back together is not one of who is seeing whom, but rather what happened to end things to begin with? How did it end? Were the doors slammed on any kind of future, or were there doors left open on BOTH your parts? Look at it openly and honestly. Try to see things objectively, without emotion or rose-colored glasses.... What was the relationship like? You are not insane or anything like that (at least not within the context of this message!), so give yourself permission to let it all go.... That is easier said than done... And kicking the addiction to your ex will probably be one of the hardest things you will ever put yourself through, but trust me, you get through it, and you are so much the better for it! Link to comment
darkblue Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 please someone tell me im being silly and my mind is exagerating too much LOL You're being silly and your mind is exaggerating too much. Link to comment
Natedoggld182 Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 i dont think there is a clear cut answer to this, I do believe that the dumper may realize how much they do miss you when they are with somebody else, and realize that this isn't what they really wanted. This is what I hope would happen anyway Link to comment
letsnotfight Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Does'nt matter who she's with or where. She does not want to be with YOU, thats why she's not by your side right now. I am not being harsh................... I think you are being really harsh with yourself by waiting for her. You HAVE to move on. 3 and a half months is too long not to call. Even if she calls it won't be anything special. Be kind to yourself and don't love someone who does'nt love you back............ there's only so much that can be said about unconditional love. If you think I've been harsh then you can shout at me!!!! I'd rather that then you wait for someone to call who won't. Link to comment
darkblue Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Well said LNF. I have one sentence to you (original poster): You're making this harder on yourself. Link to comment
Echo Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 I agree with DarkBlue and LNF.... You need to move on and stop waiting for the "what ifs". The bottom line is she has NOT made the effort to contact you. 3 1/2...4 months is quite a long time to not hear a thing from someone. Heck thats sometimes longer than the actual relationship lasted. You are waiting for soemthing to happen that may never and every day it seems less and less likely it will. Grieve the end of this relationship properly and allow yourself to finally heal...it's the only way you will truly move on. Link to comment
Mattie Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 I'm still waiting on my ex to come back, but the saying goes: "If you love someone, set them free, if they come back, it's meant to be." She's not come back... One phrase that I think I read on here that made me open up my eyes a bit more said: "You've poured your heart out and she's not come back. What does that tell you? If she wanted to be with you, she would be." Link to comment
shes2smart Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 You do nothing but harm yourself by putting your life on hold in the hopes that someone will come back. Let it go. Move on. If they come back, it's a bonus. If not, it's still a bonus because you haven't lost all that time waiting for something that never happened. Link to comment
ReadyorNot Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Original Post DELETED!!! Apparently I am NOT ALLOWED to tell people about what happened in my situation. It upsets others. ... I wont be so stupid to tell anyone about my life ever again. Link to comment
letsnotfight Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Isn't that lovely!!!! Well done readyornot, that's wicked....... Make sure you tell people (me included) to FORGET about their ex's as they could be missing out on someone who is REALLY worth it. Take care Link to comment
ReadyorNot Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Isn't that lovely!!!! Well done readyornot, that's wicked....... Make sure you tell people (me included) to FORGET about their ex's as they could be missing out on someone who is REALLY worth it. Take care ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Link to comment
letsnotfight Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Why? You wanna dump the guy you're going to marry and get back with your ex? Did I miss the point completely? Link to comment
Natedoggld182 Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 I am lost as well Link to comment
darkblue Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Well. This is confusing... *Scratches Head* Link to comment
ReadyorNot Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Why? You wanna dump the guy you're going to marry and get back with your ex? Did I miss the point completely? WHAT????? The original poster was asking if because their ex was seeing someone new, does that mean that they would never get back together... I posted that my ex got with a girl right after we broke up (in 1999) and they are still together... so in MY SITUATION that did mean that we would never get back together.. THEN I said that 8 months after me and my ex broke up I met someone new, and we have been together since then and he is who I am going to marry in less than 9 months... OMG, there was nothing there that suggested I was going to break up with my fiance for my ex. My fiance is a wonderful guy and I love him with all of my heart. He is SO much better then my ex. Link to comment
darkblue Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Thank you for clearing that up (and letting me know I'm not going insane) Link to comment
ReadyorNot Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Well, now I wish I hadnt deleted that post because there was nothing in there that suggested I wanted to leave my fiance for my ex.... I wish other people could see this.. Is there anyway to get a deleted post back? The reason I deleted my post because I thought letsnotfight was upset with me about what I said.. I thought that letsnotfight thought I was saying to give up all hope that the ex would come back if they started dating someone new. That was just what happened in my situation. Oh dear! Link to comment
darkblue Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Is there anyway to get a deleted post back? Retyping it Link to comment
ReadyorNot Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Is there anyway to get a deleted post back? Retyping it well I basically did when I explained myself.... Link to comment
letsnotfight Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 WOW, The reason I deleted my post because I thought letsnotfight was upset with me about what I said.. I thought that letsnotfight thought I was saying to give up all hope that the ex would come back if they started dating someone new. That was just what happened in my situation. Oh dear! I don't beat around the bush much so free piece of advice for youi: LEARN TO TAKE A COMPLIMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As I said before well done for getting out there and meeting a great guy who makes you happy. Take care PS I have no idea why you thought your post upset me, thats why I said why are mad at me for saying well done everything is well in your life, you not happy with your situation or something? Get it? Compliments are good and they mean people are happy for you, not upset Link to comment
ReadyorNot Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 Sorry, it was a complete missunderstanding... I didnt realize that you were complimenting me... I thought you thought I was telling people to forget about their ex's I dont know.... WEIRD!!! Sorry! Link to comment
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