ex girlfriend but i still love her

[all is flawed]

ok, i was with a girl for a year and 2 months. Me and her both truly loved eachother, and cared for eachother with our whole hearts. however, just a month ago, she broke up with me to work on her own life. she has had many personal problems, and she believes that she needs to work on them herself, and can not get better physically or mentally while in a loving relationship where she can't pick herself up. i understand this and respect it alot. Since then, me and her have still been VERY close, best friends. right after the break up we did have sex 2 more times, but that was pretty much a week after. since, we have kissed, and cuddled, and just been very very close to eachother.

However, i found out a few days ago, that during mine and her relationship, she cheated on me(kissed) with another guy. and i also found out that she is dating this guy now!! at the end of our relationship, she promised if she ever had felings for another guy, or if nething ever happened with another guy, she would tell me right away. however, i didnt even here it from her, but one of our mutual friends. She did admit it when i told her i knew there was something, and she came out and told me everything. she says she still loves me, and i still love her very very much. but she didnt keep her promise to me(trust and honesty is VERY important to me) and when i asked her if there was anything going on with the 2 of them(i knew the guy reomtely, not in person) she would look me in the eyes and lie to me saying there was nothing. and she also would tell me she was going out with friends, and be with him instead. she says she wants to be with me in the future, just cant love anyone right now. their relationship is the opposite of mine and hers, we were very romantic, very honest, very trusting(until the end apparently), very cuddly, very open, and had similar interests. And we both liked this alot. He is the opposite, very closed to her, very far off, not cuddly, wont hold hands with her, wont open up, shares few interests. she says that she thinks she can learn things from him, and doubts it will last long, but im afriad it will turn into love beacause 1: i still love her, and 2: he doesnt treat her right. i dont know what to do, she says now she is totally honest to me, and that she loves me, and we have been very romantic still. but then there is ANOTHER GUY! i mean, the thought of another guy with the girl i love hurts immensley. i dont know what to do, i still love her, but i am going to college in the end of august, and she is going to be a Sr. in HS. i will only be an hour away, and still want her close to my heart.... any advice anyone can give would be great...thx

[kdreger]

Welcome to breaking up with someone who doesn't want to seem like a bad person. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Basically, she wants the excitement of the new relationship but you sitting in the background in case it doesn't work out. She's playing you the same way my ex played me.

 

What you have to do is get your pride back and show her that you're not going to be her pigeon. Take control because right now she's in control. Tell her that if she wants to be with someone else, fine, you're not waiting for her. Start being seen with other girls, even if they're just friends.

 

Show her she's wrong, you won't be played. It's hard because you love her but she's showing that she doesn't respect you.

[segagirl]

Hi there, sorry to hear about your situation.

First, I know it feel awful to be deceived. In hindsight, I hope you can see that telling someone they cannot work on themselves while is a LOVING relationship seems somewhat inaccurate. Usually when you want to make good changes you want to be around those you love.

Next, you are comparing your connection to her with his connection to her. Not a good idea. Each relationship is different, and yes, she just may be getting what she needs from him...and you by the sounds of it.

Also you are hearing about him from her, and no offense to her...but its not likely she is being completely forthcoming about the kind of guy he is...people tend to share all the bad...even when its not all that bad. Its not likely she will say...oh yes I adore him. If she does that, she wont be able to hang on to you. and yes, she is hanging.

The outcome is hard to predict of course. But for you're own hearts sake, I would be honest with her about what YOU want and need, and if she cannot give it, start to set some boundaries.

[Breakdancer6]

my friend, this is probally one of the hardest things u will ever do. loving someone who obviously does not love u back the way u should be. shes playing u, wants to get out of teh relationship without looking bad or lookin like a hoe. shes probally bein going with that guy longer than u think u know. my ex did same shit to me and i damn near killed the guy. i mean i almost went to his house and was probally going to hospitalize him, anyways there is no love without respect, she probally cares for u but the love for u is probally not teh same, shes giving it to the other guy, what i would hope for is that that guy is not good enough for her and she will break up hopefull feelin that only u deserverd her , if u treated her good which i hope u did, cause thats probally the only real revenge u wil get. and i guess its up 2 u to decide if u wanna get back, but remember she lied to u, she will probally again, but if u truly love her, then go with ur insticnt, everyone makes mistakes remember that but some dont learn, most do. thats my dollar 50 cents good luck i hope u get her back aim me if u wanan talk BluThoughtz

[SammerJo]

Coming from someone who's been a similar situation, I say this..

 

Your ex could be one of two people here.. someone trying to find herself and who is deeply confused, or someone who is purposely jerking you around. You of all people know her best, so I can easily infer that you can go beyond the surface and place her into either category. Everyone is entitled to grow and change and try to find themselves, but its not ok to do that at the expense of another's feelings. However, it is YOUR responsibility to break the cycle and stand up for yourself and your feelings. I believe your mistake is in giving into her, still being romantic, and yet knowing that there is another guy she keeps going back to. If your mind is set on "winning her back" try and see how she reacts to the "I don't give a shit" attitude. Perhaps if she sees that you have moved on, she'll realize what she's missing out on and want to be exclusively with you. I know what its like to be in your position. I was dumped so that my guy could try and find himself, but the difference here is that he was always honest to me. I never had to find out from others what he was or wasn't doing behind my back.

 

I would also STRONGLY reccomend moving on, but easier said than done, I know. Just try to remember that no relationship is worth losing yourself and your self-respect. You're worth more than that, and maybe she isn't the right one to see what a great guy you were to her. You seemed as if you treated her well.

 

You mentioned you'll be starting college in the fall, so TRY and open up to new experiences and new people. You might be surprised at how much better you might feel without the muck of what's happening now. Distance and time apart can mend a broken heart. It did mine.

 

Hope I helped some. Reply if you need anything else.