confused66 Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 i been going out with this nice, sweet girl for more than 18 months. i don't think i love her but i respect her. however, there was a girl that i liked, i think that i even loved her, but she got married like 2 months ago. twp nights agai a group of friends went out and in a moment of weakness we kissed. i don't know what to do. i don't want to tell my gf. was it cheating? Link to comment
lillady898 Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 It doesn't have to be sex to be considered cheating. Link to comment
bleeder Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 Just reverse the roles and ask yourself, how you would feel if your girlfriend kissed another guy? Your answer's there. Link to comment
Strandysmommy Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 And not only that, you were BOTH cheating. Link to comment
confused66 Posted September 13, 2005 Author Share Posted September 13, 2005 the thing is that i woudn't mind if my fg kissed another guy. right now i want her to do it so we can be "even". we both chaeted indeed but it was a moment of weakness. i don't plan to excuse myself i admit what i did but now what should i do ? i didn't go anything further than a kissed. and to make things worse the women i kissed is not only married but she is my bestfriend. we talked about what we did and no one has an answer. i keep on going in my everyday life but that kiss keeps on coming back to my mind. Link to comment
Dregnought Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 I think there is more to the story then what is here. Why were you so weak? Link to comment
Cynder Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 How is it NOT cheating? Link to comment
djedix Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 your respect for her was lost when you kissed another girl so instead of disrespecting her more, come clean with her. Link to comment
RayKay Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 Honestly, I think you already "know" the answer to this if you are asking it. And really what matters is what your girlfriend and you would feel about it. Yes it's cheating - honestly in my opinion cheating is anything that you feel you cannot do in front of your partner, or you know would hurt your partner. Both you and this girl you kissed were cheating on your partners. What kind of "answer" are you looking for here? You kissed because you had little respect for the commitment you have with your girlfriend and were being selfish. Sorry, but kissing another girl is NOT respecting your girlfriend. If you don't love her and do not desire to be faithful to her, let her go to find someone who will. Link to comment
confused66 Posted September 13, 2005 Author Share Posted September 13, 2005 i guess that the i missused the word respect. you all are right about respecting her. when i kissed my friend i lost repsect for her and the girl's husband. what answer do i look for? i don't know? i feel guilty and i just wanted to tlak it over with people that don't know me. i wanted to see how others would see my situation. I have thought of coming clean with her but the problem is that i am her first bf, and i don't want her to lose faith in all guys cuz of me. i thougth of braking up with her but days before i was about to do it she found out that she has to get surgery. her mom tlaked to me and asked me to gave her all the support that i can give her since she has no one else. My gf is pretty but very shy and for her is really hard to make good friends. her surgery would take place in about a year and she is very sacre about it since it is kind of serious. what i'm to do i ask myslef? so far i pretend like nothing happen. when i'm out with her i try to it so she can have a great time, i try to make her forget about the surgery and her healt problems. respect? yes i disrespect her when i kissed my friend. the girl i kissed was like my first love, she couse me pain so much pain. can u imagine been in the weeding of the person u love seeing her kissing other guy? how about hearing about her sex life? it hurt like hell. and for a while i kept my distance i didn't see her for months but it happened. u know weeks before she got married she told me she had feelings for me. i was shocked and surprise and asked why didn she told me all this now and not before. if she had told me before when i was had no fg and she wasn't married then it would had been another story. i do'nt want simpaty for me for i know what i did all i want to do is tlak it over becasue keeping all this inside me is killing me. Link to comment
RayKay Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 Well, I don't think you should stay with your girlfriend just because she is having a rough time, a year is a long time away, and to stay with someone just because you feel guilty for leaving is not fair to her or yourself, and likely you may resent her over that time - know what I mean? Only stay if you genuinely WANT to be with her. You need to decide whether you want to be with your girlfriend or not. In either case, I honestly would maybe not tell her about the kiss - it would only "unburden" you at this point and would not be fair to hurt her even more. I know some will disagree (and I would often disagree with me too in many situations!) but it sounds like it would only further damage her at this point...if you choose to break up with her, let her know its because your feelings are simply not strong enough (which is true, correct?). If you choose to stay to try and work things through and have realized you do care about her, you MUST only do so if you can promise yourself that you will NOT cheat ever again! But honestly, if you felt urge to do so, I think it may be best you let her go. Yes she will be hurt, but she deserves someone whom can love her, and will be committed and faithful to her, just because she was someone you had loved before is not an excuse to have kissed her. Just don't stay with her out of guilt, she deserves better than that. Link to comment
jevonj77 Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 My question is why are you still with your girlfriend anyway? Do not people get togheter because they are first mutally attracted to each other and because they might be in love? They then date in order to see if this is the case. You are not married to her...make the decision now before it's too late. Look it is clear and you already know that you don't love her...it doesn't take freakin 18 months to figure out this kind of thing. Look you need to tell your girlfriend that you like her a lot as a friend but that you do not love her...it's that simple. Stop wasting her time and yours. Ok, so you don't do that and then you get married. Then after a few years you are crazy out of your mind and are having an affair and the marriage is destroyed... Lastly...you already knew that answer to the question...I don't know who you thought you would be fooling...we are not your girlfriend. Stop talking about weakness and all that...you cheated that's what it was...no one forced you...you did it. Link to comment
RayKay Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 My question is why are you still with your girlfriend anyway? Do not people get togheter because they are first mutally attracted to each other and because they might be in love? They then date in order to see if this is the case. You are not married to her...make the decision now before it's too late. Exactly. Many people seem to have this impression that you are bound to make it work with whomever you take out on a date - dating is to determine whether there is a possible relationship there and take it further. And if things are RIGHT then you take that into a commitment. Don't drag it on further. It's far worse to do so knowing you do not love her (after this amount of time you should know or not if you do) then to just let her go and find someone who will love her. Link to comment
djedix Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 Exactly. Many people seem to have this impression that you are bound to make it work with whomever you take out on a date - dating is to determine whether there is a possible relationship there and take it further. And if things are RIGHT then you take that into a commitment. That was my summer lession in dating! it's so true.. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 I think whether or not you cheated isnt the important issue here. I think you should question your motives for being in a relationship right now. It seems like a pointless question to ask, given the nature of the forum the predominant view is going to be that you cheated. Now if you feel thats an accurate assessment then believe it but you should have your own idea of what cheating is and isnt. Link to comment
confused66 Posted September 14, 2005 Author Share Posted September 14, 2005 to all of you that think i'm trying to look for sympati you are wrong. i know i cheated period. i don't want any excuses and i don't have any for it. i call it weakness becasue i never thought that i would be doing that i thougth i was better but now i know i'm just a pig. all i wanted to do was talk it over cuz believe it or not it is eating me. yes, my fg is away. well she studies in another city and thereforeeee i see her like every month or sometimes two. maybe that is why our bond is not strong enough like how i would imagine i would have. but know u know. Link to comment
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