contact the ex after 2 months of NC

[C.C.]

After two month of strict no contact, I thought I was strong enough and ready to build a friendship with my Ex. (he has always expressed that he wanted to keep the friendship after the break-up)

 

I finally IMed him yesterday. He was happy to hear from me and asked what I have been up to.... I kept the conversation light and nothing about the relationship because deep down I have already let him go. I told him that I wrote a new song over the summer, and he said that he hope to hear it. It was nice talking to him and catching up with each other's lives again.

 

But after I signed off, I felt sad.

 

I post this here to share with people who are doing NC. When you think that you are ready to contact your ex for what ever reason, please do think about it twice or three, or maybe ten times before you do it. I don't think that I regret to have contacted my ex, but feeling deeply sad afterwards was all I have to pay for it when I was actually not ready yet to break NC.

 

Hope everyone is doing better today.

 

C.C.

[temperamental_taurus]

C.C... *hugs* to you... maintain NC!!! I've always tried to maintain friendships with my exs and actually HAVE with a majority of them - but it's ONLY AFTER a significant amount of time has gone by... I'm talking like 6 months at least. Some exs, well it's unreasonable to even think about maintaining any connection with them - it'd only end up hurting you in the end because they'll constantly be trying to hurt you. I've been in NC for, oh, 24 days now? Although I don't consider it NO CONTACT... because that implies that I'm doing it specifically NOT to contact him, as though at any point that will be broken or something ... Iwill never contact him again... ya know - so it should be called something like FBN "Forever Beginning NOW" It was too soon for you... just start over again with NC - it only gets easier! *hugs* Temp

[C.C.]

Thank you so much for the hugs, Temperamental_taurus. That's what I really need at this moment.

 

It has been 4 moths and one week since the break up. We met up once (both wanted to) in between, and I started NC about 2 months ago to put myself back together.

 

I felt stronger after the first month of NC. I felt sad from time to time, but It did get easier each day after that.

 

The conversations were friendly last night. I of course didn't mention about it, but I hope to meet him again. Sad but true. I know I am not thinking rationally right now as I am writing these. I just need some supports 'cause I am confused.

 

Thanks for reading - friends of enotalone.

 

C.C.

[strong_rebirth]

I have not been all that good about NC with the ex....I guess I'm still dealing with the break up. We've had no physical contact (we haven't seen each other) since Aug. 19th (the day we broke up). It's best if we are apart and I am getting used to that. Our relationship was a positive one to the very end...he felt though that he needed to grow on his own (he felt he grew too dependent on me).... I e-mailed him the other night and his reponse to the e-mail made me call him up. As soon as I heard his voice I knew it was a mistake. Definitely NC is the way to go! No e-mails, no IM's (I blocked him), no calls and definitely no meeting up! I am gonna stick by it! 8)

[yo]

Hey C.C,

 

Don't worry about it. All of us have broken NC at one point or the other. DOn't be hard on yourself. So, now you know that you have not gotten over your ex completely. I would suggest that you decide whether you want to be friends with him or not. Only if you want to be friends with him, meet him or IM him. But, if I were you, I would wait for some more time until I heal completely before making contact with my ex.

 

Take care.

[C.C.]

Thanks, yo.

 

I don't think i am able to be his friend. I was finally feeling in control of myself for the past two months before i broke NC. I have learned my lesson, and will continue to do NC.

 

Hope you are doing well.

 

C.C.

[yo]

Hey CC,

No problem...

 

Even I broke my NC once last week, confident that I was completely healed. But, I was wrong. I felt miserable the whole weekend. So, it's back to NC for me and I'm feeling a LOT better. I feel so good!

 

So, how're you doing? Take care.

 

- Yo.

[kw1202]

I'm just starting my NC for the (feels like) 10th time in my breakup. The break up still hurts cause I want him back, but I think with every day I'll get stronger. You'll make it C.C., if you went this far you can go farther. Keep your head up

[C.C.]

yo- I am glad to hear that you feel good now. After contacting him, I felt miserable through the entire weekend. Isn't it strange even when the conversations with our Exs were nice and friendly? I thouhgt that i have let him go, but I was wrong. I thought I knew what love was, but I am not sure anymore.

 

Maybe i could say it as a good news: This time, it took me less time to figure out what I needed to do. I feel a little better today. I want to regain that sense of self control as i have found during those two months of no contact.

 

However, I was wondering if I stop logging in IM all of a sudden again, would the last contact make him feel that I was trying to chase him again?

 

KW- Thank you for your encouragement. I can totally relate to how you feel: doing NC to heal yourself but meanwhile wanting him to be back. I have been in that stage before. Right now, I try very hard to use my head to deal with my break up. I truly hope one day i will find peace in my heart and be able to follow it again as i used to.

 

Best to all of you,

 

C.C.

[Juha]

I have just started NC and it is not easy when that person was your best friend and you were with them everyday...It is so hard to not want to talk and see them...Now what do you do? Your lover and best friend gone and you will probably not be together again and not be friends again, because now that we were together I don't want friends anymore...

 

That is the hardest thing because you care so much about them but you can't talk and see them...When you think you are fine you really are not because deep down buried inside of you are those feelings still, that will always be there...

 

This is the most difficult thing I have ever done...How can you love and care for someone so much and never talk or see them again...

 

It just does not make sense and is so sad...

[kw1202]

CC your welcome and that's exactly what I'm doing..using my head not my heart cause if I follow my heart at this stage of the breakup I'll be driving my self crazy (like I WAS). You did good by making 2 months and don't let this one little slip effect you.

[C.C.]

Thank you, KW. I was just fighting with myself a few minutes ago about whether i should IM him to just say hello.

 

I tried to be strong so i came to this site to read what I have written. Thank you, your kind words have helped me through this bad moment.

 

Hope you are doing well today.

 

C.C.

[C.C.]

Juha,

 

I am sorry that you are going through the same pain. Yes, it is very very hard. But i have come to realize that 'freedom' is one thing they want when they broke up with us. So I think of it as the most painful but unselfish gift we could give to them.

 

I personally don't think that NC should be forever. I know that I want to contact him so badly. If he feels the same way, he will. It takes two to make that happen.

 

Best,

 

C.C.

[yo]

Hey CC,

 

Be strong. Please don't IM him, even to just say a Hi. I would suggest that you remove your ex from your contact or block him. In this way, you won't be tempted to speak to him.

 

Remember, he's got nothing to lose by just saying a Hi to you. But, you on the other hand will be hurting yourself unnecessarily. So, make yourself first priority and do whatever's possible to heal completely.

 

I just don't feel the need to speak to my ex anymore. Ok, she was my love, my life, my best friend, my everything a month back and now she's nothing. She's just another human being FULL STOP. Nothing more.

 

I think that you are completely healed and ready to be friends with your ex when you no longer feel the need to have your ex as your friend.

It's a paradox, but I think it's true.

 

If I can do it, so can you. Be strong. All the Best!

- Yo.

[karvala]

 

I think that you are completely healed and ready to be friends with your ex when you no longer feel the need to have your ex as your friend.

It's a paradox, but I think it's true.

 

- Yo.

 

Very true.

[C.C.]

Thanks, Yo.

 

What you said is very true: "he's got nothing to lose by just saying a Hi to you. But, you on the other hand will be hurting yourself unnecessarily.."

 

I just read your posts about calling you ex after two weeks of NC. I can totally relate to what you have felt. At this point, I think self respect is the most important thing to keep. I was able to do it for 2 months, I shall be able to continue it.

 

I hope your day goes well.

 

C.C.