My ex is so hot and cold!!

[settinuplife]

Women!

 

Okay my ex and I were becoming close during the last month and she would call me alot especially during the last couple weeks (she initiated all the calls). I played it cool, and did not talk about our relationship, unless she brought it up, I just acted like her best friend.

 

I guess her and her boyfriend fight alot and she runs to me, sometimes. She calls when her and her boyfriend fight and she is all depressed and crying, and after when she sees me in person she acts happy to be around me and flirts and laughs.

 

One time when she came over after a fight w/her boyfriend she was flirty and we kissed, and later on she brought it up on the phone and asked me what I thought about it, and I said it was nice, she said she liked it too.

 

She then wanted to talk to me online a few days later and she asked me if I missed her and I said at times, and she said when do I miss her, I said when a song comes on the radio that reminds me of her, or a place we went together or a movie we saw together (I wasn't deep about it). I then asked her the same question and she said yes.

 

She asked if she could hang out w/me on monday eve. to finish the conversation and hang out and I said okay. Well I didn't hear from her till about 930 that night and she said she was sleeping all afternoon and just woke up, so she stood me up. I acted like it was no big deal and blew it off.

 

She has been very distant since then, and I dont know why. She then called me last night crying saying I need to come get her from her boyfriends, then her boyfriend grabbed the phone away from her and she said "stop" really loud as if he was trying to kill her then it hung up. So it freaked me out and I tried to call back 10 min later, but no answer. I would have went over there but I didnt know where they lived. I called again in the morning - no answer, in the afternoon - no answer, in the evening - no answer. So I am still freaked cause I cant get ahold of her so I have a friend of a friend go over there to check on her and come to find out she is fine and her and her boyfriend denied any fighting last night.

 

It pisses me off cause she didnt call me back to let me know she was okay, seeing that I called multiple times, and she will always call you back if you call. I honestly just wanted to know if she was okay. So she is still not calling and I don't know why! She mentioned once that it is hard to talk to me when her boyfriend is around that is why she wanted to talk to me online, but she could still sneak off and call me to let me know she is okay.

 

Why is she so hot and cold around me, I think she is interested at times cause she inititates everything, relationship talk, kissing, asking if I miss her, calling alot. Now she is distant.

[Celadon]

Well, it sounds like she's confused and unable to let go of you. She's playing both sides of the fence here. Mabye because she feels insecure and wants the attention. Maybe because she doesn't know what she wants. Or maybe because she wants everything.

 

I don't like hearing that she's with her boyfriend, but calls you up when she needs something from you. That's really disrespectful of you, imho. I think you're doing the right thing by playing it cool, but you seem to be doing a lot of the giving and she's doing alot of the taking. This whole thing about her not calling you back, when all you were doing was checking to see if she's okay, is a prime example.

 

If I were you, I would cut off relations with her. I know that you guys are close and you feel like her friend, but in her mind, everything's complicated by the fact that you two used to go out.

 

I had an ex that I treated like my good friend, and he was the one who was keeping in touch. After being his friend for a good long time, he met his fiancee and dropped me like a rock. So watch out for your ex's motives right now. She's not treating you like a friend.

 

Best of luck.

[lady00]

Whoa. This situation is not good for you. No matter what she says or does the most important thing is she has a boyfriend and it's not you. Sorry if that sounds harsh but you are letting this girl play all sorts of mind games with you. You know why she's acting so hot and cold? Because she can! Instead of letting her run to you all the time when she fights with her bf, you need to let her know (by NOT being her fall-back guy) that you are not her doormat, cause right now, she's treating you like one.

 

One thing's for sure, her behavior is 100% inconsistent and inconsiderate. Steer clear of this one unless she actually dumps the guy and says she wants you. Otherwise, you're setting yourself up to get hurt.

[settinuplife]

very good advice from the both of you, thank you. I felt like we could start fresh as friends since I did 2 mos. of NC until she started calling again. I think she is confused. She even mentioned one time that sometimes she wants to be with her ex's again (she probably meant me) and other times she doesn't. Anyways I will not call her because my worried a** called her too much yesterday just to see if she was okay. So next call will have to come from her.