I am so crushed:(

[mandy_n_jut]

My boyfriend of 8 months is now my ex.. we just broke up on Aug. 20th. I broke up with him. The reason I broke up with him is because he would always lie to me, I found a hairclip on his headboard that didn't belong to me, and he admitted he still loves his ex. It was so hard for me to do this because I love him to death. But he hurt me so bad. We talked soon after the breakup and he was crying saying that he loved me and that he wanted a chance to prove it to me. So I said that we would start out as friends, and see where it goes from there. Soon after he just seemed to grow so cold, and non caring. He made it seem like he was doing fine, and that the breakup was because of all this stuff I'm making up in my head. His ex told me things that he talked to her about. He would bad mouth me to her. And tell her how I'm going to go out and cheat on him..What a jerk. That is something that I would never do. EVER. I could never live with myself if I ever cheated. He really crushed my heart, and not even a week ago I went to his house, after he asked me to comeover. We had sex, and as he was getting dressed there was a hickey on his neck. I felt nauseous. Sick to my stomach. I told him to take me home. I stupidly went over a few other times after that. I didn't have sex with him since the hickey incident. But there were other signs in his room that someone else has been there. He would still tell me that he loves me, and stuff. I am just devastated. He was my first love, and I feel like I just wanna crawl into a hole and die right now. Just today we went out to eat. He seemed distant, and said that he wanted me to stay out of his business, and that he wanted to beable to do whatever he wants if we get back together. So tonight he said that he wanted to go out with a guy friend to a carshow thing, and I was like cool, call me when you get back, he gave me a kiss, and said bye. I got home and got online and the friend he wanted to go with was online. I im'd him asking if they were going to the carshow. And he said that he didn't hear anything about this. So I called my "justin" up at the same time, and he told me that this friend was on his way to pick him up. I was like I am talking to your friend now and he said he doesn't know anything about this carshow, and he just told me how nosey I am, and I hung up on him. I im'd Justin and told him to call me when he wanted to be honest with me.

What I don't understand is the 8 months we've been together weren't that bad. We had a lot of good time, and what I thought was a great love for one another, but I guess I was wrong. I think he is sleeping with his ex, who he says is engaged to a guy in Iraq. She calls him ALL the time. And he is always right there to talk to her. She says what a great love they had for one another and things of that nature. This has really hurt me. I haven't eaten, am really stressed, and just wanna cry all the time. I know that I have to let him go though.

[venus777]

I'm really sorry you are going through all that.

 

I really also believe it's time for absolutely NO CONTACT.

 

It is really funny how when we break up with someone to preserve our own pride and sense of self-worth we mess it all up by begging and pleading for them back or... sleeping with them against our better judgement.

 

Hanging out with him is only going to cause you pain. He is obviously a huge JERK and has absolutely NO sense of respect for you. DON'T TALK TO HIM!!!! HE WILL ONLY HURT YOU!!!

 

Do things that are good for you, hang out with friends and do some things you like for yourself, explore a hobby you've had interest in but set aside because you were busy thinking about him and his stupid ex girlfriend that supposedly he is "in love" with.

 

If he has hurt you like this and is this selfish, he will also be hurting her to. It is only a matter of time.

[melrich]

It sounds like you are far better off without him anyway. I agree with the previous poster, you should cease contact with this guy.

[Gilgamesh]

You don't need any more warnings, you know if you continue with him he will still be the same guy that cheated on you,

 

he doesn't care about your feelings, only his and what he can get.

he doesn't respect you.

he is a liar.

he is not special in any way.

 

You say you had good times, and yeah they were, but at that time you were in love with someone else, someone you believed this guy was, it was all an illusion.

 

Know now that you will never be that innocent little girl, you know the truth and as much as you would like it to be like it was it will never be, because first thing he is not who you thought he was or wanted him to be.

and now you know the truth.

 

sadly your a victim of a rebound relationship, he was with you because he was hurt from his last relationship, and never let go. yeah he was happy with you at one time, all rebound relationships start off that way, he was probably totally convinced you were perfect for him.

 

The very best thing you can do, is have zero, and i mean zip contact with him, it serves no purpose, he is not going to suddenly become someone he never was, and it wont erase what he did and what kind of guy he is.

you will NOT be able to make him into your fantasy. so don't even try, contact will not serve any purpose at all.

 

Oh, and don't even think that sex will magically get him "hooked" on you again, never works never did.

 

So count your blessings that it was only 8 months and not 8 years and with children, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how lucky you are that you weeded out someone thats not worth the wonderful person you are.

 

There are millions of guys, that will give you all the happiness you could ever wish for, and then some, they will also truly love you and only you, they will respect you and your feelings will also be important.

 

Take the lesson you have learned as so many of us here in this forum have, use that wisdom to filter out the jerks.

 

Is he fresh out of a relationship?

Is he leaving someone for you?

Does he speak about how bad his ex was and put her down?

is he going out on all kinds of dates with other girls?

 

these are signs, learn them, don't fall for the same types again.

 

As for your healing, keep up the NC for as long as you need, months usually, its longer than you think, because a cute guy may be laying his charms on you in a couple of weeks, and you will want to believe your ready, don't be like your Ex.

[Hope75]

I agree with the other posters. You left him because he was lying to you and he still is. It doesn't seem as though anything has changed. He asked to prove to you that he loves you, but what has he done?

 

You found evidence of other women in his bed and a hickey on his neck-- doesn't sound like he's working too hard to prove it to you, does it?

 

You are better off without him.

[Maggy]

Uau Gilgamesh I really liked your answer. I only wish I had known my ex dumped someone else for me when we started going out.. so I wouldn't now be the dumpee who has been dumped for someone else... he lied to me, and told me he had broken up with his previous girlfriend 5 months before... it was more like 2 days before our first date. .

[mandy_n_jut]

well i didn't talk to him at all the rest of lastnight, and much of today. then tonight he im'd me asking if he could call me to talk. i asked him what there was to talk about. i said that i am working on moving on, and that i'm not listening to his lies anymore, and that he can do whatever he wants, and what he does is none of my business. he confessed everything to me. he answered all the questions he denied before, and lied to me about. he said he wanted to once and for all be honest with me. he told me that he just wanted to hangout with his ex, who he said is a good friend before she moves away. and he said that he couldn't tell me about it cause he knew that i would freak out. in the past when she would call to say hello and see how he was doing i would get very upset by the way. he said he wants to be with me, and that he loves me very much, that he misses me, and never wanted us to be apart. i broke up with him, and moved out of his house. but i had good reason did i not?? he said that he is so sorry for what has happened, and said that he NEVER cheated on me. i don't know what to believe. i don't want him to think that i will just forget everything and take him back. its been a hard couple of weeks. i am just really confused, and don't know what to do. i know that i should move on. it is so hard. i just want things to be like they used to be, but i know that will never happen. there is just too much to remember. and all i can see is that cold look in his eyes, keep flashing in my head. he again said that he wants to make it all up to me, and wants another chance to prove how much he loves me, and continually apoligized. this is only the first time we've been apart like this in almost 9 months. should i give him another shot and see what happens, or should i just say forget it and move on..

[mandy_n_jut]

i also wanted to add, not to stick up for the jerk in anyway, but he did really treat me good in our relationship. he did everything that i would ask and more. he would get me flowers and gifts, and say that he wanted to marry me. the only thing that ever went wrong or that we fought about was his ex.

[Gilgamesh]

Have you talked with his ex? if its true, and she is just a friend and cares for him, she will happily support his story, if she has been lied to also, or is trying to get him back she will react differently.

 

Find out the truth, before considering.

 

The thing is, I still think he has a crush on his ex and that he never got over her completely, you need to take into consideration that you will have this hanging over your head.

 

Ask yourself this, why of all people is he friends with that person and have to hang with her? why not hang with you, or his other friends.

 

my feeling is, that he still wants his ex back, and is just "being a friend" hoping that someday the opportunity will strike. and where will that leave you? if you were that special to him, and he respected you and your relationship, out of respect he should have just told his ex, hey, listen I like hanging with you and all, but my new girl isn't comfortable with this and I can understand her point of view, so take care. thats it! a real friend would understand.

[mandy_n_jut]

well here is the thing....when we first started dating he was still with his ex, and he said that things with them were really bad. he said that he left her for me. i don't talk to her anymore, because when i found the hairclip, (which turned out to be hers btw) i freaked out on her, and we are not on any friendly terms whatsoever. so i can't talk to her and ask her anything. i talked to him again today, and he still feels the same and wants to try again and start over. but there has been too much wrong in the last couple of weeks. i can't just forget everything. it is still fresh in my mind. he said that he misses "us", and that he loves me. i already told his parents awhile ago that i was going to a get together they are having for labor day tomorrow. so i will be seeing him. and his sister who doesn't care for me too much for no reason at all. i just wanna take things slow and stay friends, and if i think things are going to change, then we will talk about getting back together, but till then i'm leaving my guard up, and not gonna be a doormat anymore. i'm very upfront with him about how i want things to be. and he says that he just wants me to be happy. am i doing the right thing..?

[proditor]

it sounds to me like he's more trouble than he's worth. i know if you still really love him, it might not seem like it, but sometimes it just gets worse because of it, because when someone you love hurts you, it just hurts more

 

i would try to stay away from him for a while, maybe see what he does if you break off all contact. if he really is worth it, he should come to you and explain/apologize/make up, or if he is a nice person at all, he should at least choose one person, and explain to the other one what's happening.

 

just hang in there

 

 

sara

[Hope75]

Ok so let me get this straight:

 

1. This guy has a history of cheating and cheated on her with you.

2. This ex has no respeect for you b/c of that and so would most likely have no problem messing with him in an attempt to get him back and hurt you.

3. You found her hairclip on his bed after you two had a fight. What was it doing there?

4. When things were tough in his last relationship (with her) he had no problems cheating. You two had a fight and her things were in his bed.

5. When confronted about this-- he lied to you.

 

Do you honestly think he deserves another chance?

 

I doubt they are just friends.

[mandy_n_jut]

Like I said he came clean about a lot of the stuff he lied about. I haven't heard anything from her. She is supposedly gone now.. She moved away for school. I didn't give him another chance. We are still friends right now, even though he put the ring back on that I got him for xmas. He said that he wants to be with me, and that he never wanted to be apart. I am still so confused. I just don't wanna go through this again anytime soon. And I let him know that. He still apoligizes for what happened. I don't know that things could ever be the way that they were. But I'm just gonna take it one day at a time, and if we get back together, then he better be on his best behavior because I am not letting this happen again. I'll post in the future and let everyone know what happens and if we are together or not. Thanks for everyones advice and time.

[Gilgamesh]

Hmmm the other girl "had to go" and now he needs you, wonder what will happen when she shows up again.

[Hope75]

I agree with Gilgamesh.... is seems very coincidental that now that she is gone and he is "caught", so to speak, he's so sorry and wants to be with you.

 

What he's sorry about is that he got caught, and now he can't have it both ways.

 

It's up to you, but I know I couldn't trust this guy....