Being intimate without SEX!!

[spinster4life]

In 4 years my and my boyfriend have only 1 time came close to making love. Now I dont mean sex b/c we have had plenty of that what i mean is making love, its never been romantic its never been passionate we have never even really had makeup sex. So I have been reading up and doing research and from many advice givers the conclusion to the problem is to go 30 days and 30 nights now while my boyfriend opposes going 30 days w/o sex I think as well as my "advice givers" that this may help him appreciate sex more as well w/ all the other simple things kissing hugging and so on. So what I am trying to do is figure out other ways other sensual ways we can be intimate w/o having sex...any ideas

[RayKay]

Who the heck gave you that advice?

 

Witholding sex is not a good idea, its manipulative. It is also unlikely to get you the results you want. Heck, I would leave someone for being manipulative like that - of course he does not like it!

 

Instead, why don't you talk with your partner about what you would like - tell him what you mean by "making love". You may also just not be sexually compatible at which you have some decisions to make...but NOT manipulation. It's a terribly immature and selfish way to go about things.

 

As for intimacy, that is something that you two must figure out on your own, it's often borne out of the feelings and respect and trust you have with one another.

[lillady898]

Why don't you just talk to your boyfriend about it?

 

Before my boyfriend moved away, he thought he was pleasing me enough. But the fact was, he wasn't pleasing me quite as often as I would have liked. It didn't mean that he didn't want to please me; It meant he thought that he was doing a good enough job of it.

 

I felt bad at first for telling him that I needed more, but he was very understanding. In fact, he told me he actually wanted to please me more but wasn't sure if I wanted anymore than what I was getting.

 

All it took was one conversation and everything improved- And after that conversation we even became more open about other topics concerning our sex life.

 

Just communicate with him and figure out what is going on. Maybe he thinks he is giving you what you want right now.

[DN]

I absolutely agree with RayKay - withholding sex is dangerous. You may withhold sex from him for 30 days - he may decide to withdraw from the relationship permanently. I know I would.

 

Work on problems together - as a team.

[Shinobie]

well iono ya withholding sex sounds liek bad idea like they were saying because like 90% of guys care so much about it.I know i wouldnt leave a girl if she wasnt giving me sex if i cared enough about her.Then i would feel like i was treating her like a thing not a human being.But a conversation will prolly be taken a lot better.wow im sleepy so g'nite guys.

[spinster4life]

thankyou everyone for your advice. But the reason it came to this was b/c we had talked several times and i just wasnt getting thru to him. Like i said we have been together for 4 years i tell him anything and everything, im not afraid to talk to him. He would not leave me for those who said so. Like I've said before we have a baby,house,cars,dog and not to mention Im the only girl he has ever been with ...(we started dating back in highschool) We actually did have sex and It was one of the best nights we have ever had he was great did things he normally wouldnt do ..(try) and I went outside of my comfort box to. So just withholding it from him for 6 days really did make a difference. We still didnt quit make love just due to the simple fact my mom and little sister are living w/ me right now (only temporaily). But I think that was part of our problem to just having my family here. But once again for all your advice w/o i probably wouldnt of given in and had one of the best nights ever!!

[Day_Walker]

I think you need to realize that when you provoke a reaction out of a person, it is only going to have a temporary change in their behavior. Sure you seem to get what you want but you also have to realize that this will not last, you must realize that everytime you want to be "romantic" is when you have to hold back on sex.

[DN]

It is dangerous to predict by past experience what somebody may do when you try to manipulate them. And withholding sex is manipulation.

 

Ever hear of the straw that broke the camel's back?