My girlfriend is thinking of leaving me for her EX-boyfriend

[soul]

Hi everyone well I am new to this, but I would appreciate any advise you may have. Let me give you guys the situation. My GF and I have been to gether for 10 months I am 25 and she is 26. I met her during a difficult time in her life. She moved 200 miles away from home 4 months before we met. She had just lost her job, and was living off her life savings which were quickly running out. On top of everything she ended up coming down with an illnes that didnot allow her to work. Her illness lasted about 6 months the symptoms come and go.

 

I have been by her side the whole time I tried to find her insurance,Doctors, I have helped financially, emotionally, I have tried my hardest to be there for her in everyway possible. We have spent a lot of time together sine she was not working, and I work only 14 days a month. We have fallen in love with each other. She told me that because of me she is happy ,that I love her like no one ever has, and she is happy with her self because of me. She eventually ran out of money and couldn't afford to live here any more. She missed her family and moved back home.

 

The distance is a challenge but we get through it okay. We had been seeing each other about every other week, and I stay 3-5 days at a time, when we do see each other. She now has her health back and is starting a new career, and I am very proud of her. I just took her on vacation last month and we had the best time together. Just recently she has become distant and busy, she says she needs to concentrate on her career. I just went to see her, and she was emotionally distant. I got her to talk to me and tell me what has beengoing wrong. She said that she is not sure that she sees me in her future. She finally told me that she has been talking to her EX BF for about a month and she has feelings for him.

 

The background on their relatonship is he was her first love. They were together 4 yrs. They lived together,while they were in college. As far as she was concernered they were going to graduate begin their careers get married and live happily ever after. He ended wanting his space and she ended up moving out. He moved another girl in. My GF found out about it they broke up and it broke her heart. I dont think she ever got over it. He would call her every now and then but they never got back togeter. They kept in touch over the years he would tell her he wants her back while he was with someone else they never got back together. Now three years later he hears that she moved back home he calls her and wants back into her life.

 

After she told me about him she called me crying telling me that she does not know what she is doing and that she doesnt want to lose me. She said she needs me and wants to be wih me. I told her that I dont want to lose her either. As far as I know we are still together but she hasn't called me in 8 days. I am trying to give her the space and time she needs. I am sure she is still talking to her EX. It drives me crazzy to think she could being out with him. He lives 45 minutes awy from her. She tells me she hasn't seen him. I don't want to force myself on her. I dont know what to do. I love her and want to be with her.

 

I was in a relationship before her for 5 years and it did not work out. I can understand wanting things to work out with some one you were with for so long but what we have is special and rare and real we are not only a couple but best friends. I would appreciate any advise especially from some one who has been in a similar situation thank you.

[cobro]

My situation was exactly the same as yours, except for the distance part. My ex girlfriend decided she had feelings for her ex after we had been together for 2 years on and off. He was her first love and they broke up when he cheated on her. Now she says he has changed and she is happy with him. It was very hard being rejected for another guy, especially now that they are sleeping together. I, like you, gave her space for the first few weeks after she started talking to him again. Eventually I started talking to her again as a friend, but it was not working because I still had feelings for her, and ended up practically begging for her back. That just drove her closer to him. Now, I talk to her every once in a while, I have interests in other people and she is happy (supposedly) with him. So my advice to you is to not talk to her, if you do it will drive her away. If she wants him, she can have him. Why be with someone who is confused. If they are confused now they will always be. They just don't know a good thing when they have it. So stay away, let her do her thing, and don't beg for her back It will all work out in the end.

 

Later,

cobro

[Tylor]

soul and cobro,

 

I am glad I read this post. both your situations caught my eyes so fast that i got dizzy. My girlfriend was confused because her ex kept asking her for a second. he lives 10 min from her. After being with each other for more than a year she tells me she feels sorry for him and wants to give him another chance. I was like, what about me. Like you soul, she was concerned about her future with me. I was unemployed for the last 6 months. Her ex has a good job and is a hard worker. The funny thing is she broke up with him to be with me. She said I did so much more things to make her feel better and more special without her ever having to ask for it. I even f**k her better she tells. So I don't getting. She never have even said "i love you" to him. I was the first person she said it to. I gave this girl my whole heart without any hesitation. We broke up three weeks ago but are still talking. She is always honest with me. She tells me he visits often. I told her to give me some time alone b/c I can't stand talking to her and knowing she sees him. I know they only talk and when they go out, she takes her cousins with her. They have not gotten yet. I am just afraid by taking this time off, she will slowy start to have stronger feelings for him since my contacts with her now is helping her to remember me. I hope she thinks of me more when I am not around. But cobro, you are right, let her do her think. I will call her when I can accept that we are not together. I feel a little better knowing now i am not alone. Thanks

[cobro]

Tylor and soul,

Your situation is also very similar to mine, just stay strong, don't talk to her. I was also torn between talking to her and not talking to her. I was afraid if I didn't talk to her, she would fall out of love with me and closer to him, and hate me, never talking to me again. Or, if I continued to talk to her, I would either get her back, hanging on to that little string of false hope, hope from the past and for the future. Talking to her caused me to lose my mind, become a pathetic loser always crying after talking to her, to the point where I ended up practically begging for her back. Talking to her just messed up everything, I lost her respect and most likely any chance I had to have her back. But I am better off without her, and if it is meant to be, you will be also. It's really tough, but you come out stronger and with more dignity if you just distance yourself. The lesson I learned is to stay away from women who can't make up their mind, no matter how much you love her, how many great memories you had together, and what kind of future you had planned out. All of that gets thrown in the garabage when they change their mind, in our case go back to their ex's, and do what feels right at the moment. At least that is what happened in my case. In a few years, our ex's will look back and miss what they had with us, and we will be with someone new, who will love us for who we are. Just let her go, it will get easier, I PROMISE. Just my thoughts, hope it helps.

 

Later,

cobro