Confused over standards

[Eyes_Closed]

i am a virgin, and i believe that sex should wait until marriage. well along with that i was hoping that my future someone will also be a virgin. my first girlfriend had not had sex and it was she that sold the idea to me, and it seemed to be ideal, not because of religious reasons (my virginity is the most precious thing something that can only be given to one girl, so it would be a waste on any girl that was not to be the one love), but that was highschool and upon moving away to college (and breaking up with her), which seems more of a party school, it seemed that it was near impossible to find someone of a certain physical merit, not high mind you, who shares such a devout standard of living. this includes the local churches. and worst off my friends keep saying that i'll never find her. i don't want to have to compromise but i keep growing more and more lonely thinking about it. i have since grown alienated to drinking, which i was not opposed to as much before thinking it an enjoyable way to socialize, because i see its effect on girls and how it... i dunno, sIuts them up a bit. and in general i am starting to grow quite angry towards the general lack of responsiblility of my entire generation that views sex as a recreational activity rather than a committment of the soul, this anger of which is not good for someone who wishes to have friends at all. I dont know what i should do... go for love and affection, or remain committed to my original ethical notions of the ideal love.

[Hello90]

Maybe you should ease up a bit. Your outlook is very rigid and probably drives people away (assuming you talk about it to people).

 

If you're going to college, there will be an abundance of people. Join a religious group if you must, but don't expect it will be easy to find someone who views drinking and sex as black and white as you have conveyed here.

 

Relationships are about compromise. However, virginity is something I can understand not compromising.

[Minty80]

I think what you need to do is keep your ideals but stop trying to apply them to everyone else. These are your beliefs, not everyone will or has to share them, and until you can accept that it is okay for people to live with different morals and standards you are going to be angry and unhappy.

 

There are girls out there who have the same beliefs that you do, it just might take a bit of looking to find them. Until then realize that you don't have to date girls with different morals, but nor should you judge them. What does judging accomplish except making you miserable?

 

You hold the beliefs that you do because they are right for you, they are what you chose to feel. So be confident and proud of those beliefs FOR YOURSELF, but allow others to be confident and proud of their own beliefs.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

i completely agree with you... u must give this thing to a special girl.. you both share a something special...

 

its hard to find this, but u can find.. if u want to keep trying...

[jevonj77]

My advice is this...keep your virginity for the one.

 

Now, there are many people out there that are still virgins, but then again, there are many that are not.

 

My best bet for you, is to find a girl, that understands that you want to wait for sex until marriage. You may find that you have to have a little bit more grace to others because many have just jumped in the band wagon and had sex just for the sheer pleasure of it.

 

I am dating a woman who understands that I will not have sex with her until or if we are married. She is also a virgin...now...let me tell you, this is not how I found her though.

 

In the beggining, my outlook was that she must also be a virgin...but later, after going through life a little, I saw that that was a little unrealistic.

 

So my next criteria was to find a girl that was respectful...maybe she had one boyfriend that she really liked and messed up with having sex with him. My view point was to forgive that and not hold it against her. What someone else does should not change what I do if I really believe in what I am doing.

 

The woman that I am with now is an educated woman that has good moral standards and such. This was what I was looking for, it just so happened that she was a virgin also. Now that is my luck and the relationship is going strong.

 

Now, when something is good, truly good, it is not that easy to find. If it weren't so, than it would be every where. So don't fall into the crowd...having sex with someone that won't stay with you is just a waste of your time. If someone wants sex that bad...they can easily find it anywhere...you and what you have to offer are not. Think of it this way, you tell the person that you don't believe in sex before marriage...and they leave you. Then they didn't love you anyways...but if you were to have sex with them...this same person that didn't love you, would later on, after having have had sex with you ofcourse, would leave you because they were not in love with you to begin with, but found you very attractive. Being that this would be the case, you would be left without your virginity, new confidence issues that would result from you giving up something that you knew was valuable to you, and no woman.

 

I always made sure to tell the girl at the beggining of the relationship that I did not believe in sex before marriage. This way it was on me and not on them. If they couldn't handle it...well, I know what that kind of means...if she doesn't even want to get to know me to see if she might love me...then I really know that this is not the one for me..

[Jinx]

go for love and affection, or remain committed to my original ethical notions of the ideal love.

 

My thoughts in a nutshell for a topic like this is, keep what you believe in, don't let the lacking of others influence you. If that all is what you want to find in a relationship, its out there, no doubt. I've known enough other women well enough in my time to know, Yes there are the loose ones BUT there are also the ones whom will give nothing up until marriage. So it is worth the time and effort to push through, otherwise in the end you will be disappointing yourself.

[skyjuice]

Hi Everyone,

 

I am glad to hear that there is still people believe in no sex before marriage!

 

My ex boy friend is an English, I am an overseas chinese. He has the concept of sex before marriage. However, I am firm with my believe of no sex before marriage.

 

I did a survey about this concept. I asked some of my international friends while I studied in UK. I found that, French regard sex before marriage is totally normal and legal. It is within their culture. To add, they believe that the whole European culture is like that. Moreover, in the UK, you are legal to have sex after 16 years old. If it was in my country, having sex before 18, would be regard as rape even tough the girl did it willingly. The boy would be sentence to jail and got beaten.

 

On the other hand, Hong Kong friend of mine does not regard no sex before marriage seriously. To them, when it is meant to happen, it would happen.

 

I thought Eastern people should view this in a more conservative way, while Western people should view this is a more open minded way.

 

I do not know what standard other country have. I am curious about it. Could anyone willing to share their views on this in different country?

 

Are you from the west or east?

 

I hope to find someone who is commited to this value as I am.

[vivaxlaxdork]

Though I understand where you and most others on this message board are coming from I must defend the other side. I am not waiting for marriage to have sex, but i am a virgin nevertheless because I am waiting for real love. When i have sex it will not be for pleasure, but it may be before marriage. When I find love I'll decide then.