Pacific Ocean Provides Too Much Distance?

[Maybe A Cat]

Okay, I met my boyfriend almost a year ago on a Gaming Forum. We started as just good friends but we slowly fell in love with each other. I love him so much and even though we're not even out of high scool (I just entered technically... XD) we already know we want to spend our lives together. We only really have one problem...

 

I live in America. He lives in Australia.

 

A lot of people I know keep telling me things like it won't work and I should "keep my options open" (Which sounds like they want me to cheat on him. o_0) but we already have a lot of issues sorted out like which country we'd live in (The US because I have more family here than he does and he could care less where he lives. XD) and so the only REAL problem we have is money (Why are plane tickets so expensive anyway!?) but we're already working on that.

 

Inshort, I basically want to know... does anyone here know of any proof or experiences that relationships can last through such huge dustances; even the biggest damn ocean on Earth? Alls I've gotten so far is negative feedback and even some teasing from family members... D= I really don't want to lose him...

[sidehop]

I've been in one...she was in Puerto Rico at the time & we tried to work out it for nearly three years.

 

The distance becomes unbearable at times especially if you or the other person cannot move.

 

Think about it this way, even if this guy is the most wonderful person you've met, how long would you wait before you two can be together physically? For me, the hardest part is coming back after seeing her for the first time. I missed her so much it was driving me crazy but I didn't have a good job at the time and no way I was able to afford moving.

 

You have to think of the reality and what you'll be dealing with. If you just entered high school, unless your parents for some lucky reason decides to move to Australia, chances are you two will meet maybe once or twice at most.

 

Your friends are giving you a good advice. Keep your options open. You're young & have a lot going for you. You may feel that he is the 'only' one but there are so many other guys out there that are as good if not better.

[DiscipleOfChange]

While I'm sure your intentions are quite sincere, I have known only two people (1 couple that is) that met each other at or around that age and got happily married and have a wonderfull family with children. I am not trying to dissuade you however, at 14 I don't believe very many people are capable of making decisions of that grand a nature. Have you spoken with him on the phone or met him in any other way outside the internet? Relationships originated online do work, but you want to be carefull out there. And, having been 14 at one point myself, I know how much a person can "love" another. But at 14, most people don't know what they want in a partner.

 

No body of water can come between love, not even the river Styx.

but knowing what true love is takes time.

[Maybe A Cat]

You both say almost the exact thing as my friends... one of these friends told me she plans on dating a guy without expecting it to go anywhere; just to date for the hell of dating. I know that when most people say "I love you" half the time it isn' even true love. Usually its only lust. But you can't exactly lust after a person if you can't touch, can you?

 

As I said as well, moving to Australia wouldn't help much if we had said we'd live in the US. And no, I can't really talk to him on the phone; or phone company charges a lot for long distance; we can barely get a call from the next state over. >_>

 

And even before I met him, I doubt I ever would for a LONG time. I don't really have much of a social life; I just don't usually get along with people. The only friends I have i see at school and after that, I'm at home. Hell, even my close friends at school don't take me seriously; when I'm sad they think I'm faking it, when I'm crying, they think I'm trying to be silly and when I tell them I'm serious, they laugh at me.

 

And if I keep my options open, wouldn't that mean being unfaithful? Would you give that advice if he lived only a few states away? Of maybe even a few cities? Besides, I actually DON'T have a lot going for me. If it wasn't for my boyfriend, there's a chance I might not be around today, or atleast I wouldn't be as happy.

 

Most people today I guess can't understand that people CAN experience love at a young age because most teenagers nowadays fake love and everything about it just to get some. >_>

[Tigris]

My advice is to continue to keep in touch with him.

 

I know it's hard not being able to have a physical relationship but this is the next best thing. However, bear in mind that what we fantasise about is not what happens in reality!

 

Can your parents afford to take you to Australia on holiday so you can meet him?

[Maybe A Cat]

Finally someone is supportive of me. =D

 

Yes, I'm fairly sure they could. If not, I have a fairly big allowance and within a few months I'd have enough to go there myself. =P And my boyfriends saving his money too; so its' not liek I have to save as much since with both of us saving, we could see eachother sooner. =3

 

And if anyone thinks that maybe he's not who he says he is... I actually know how the minds of stalkers usually work. (I read a book. Whee! XD) If they lived as far away as I do from my boyfriend, they'd lie and say they lived in the city so that it would sound like they could just meet any time they wanted to making someone more likely to let their guard down and go. =o

 

Anyway, thanks Tigris!

[Tigris]

The best advice I can give you is this - When you've saved enough money go to your parents and have a serious talk with them. Explain that you still want to go and meet him. Be grown up (Do NOT become all little girl like), think how you would feel in their shoes if it was your daughter!

Tell them that you would feel safer if they would take you on holiday to meet him. This is a sign of maturity!

 

I'm sure if you used this approach then they would see how serious you are and also that the problem is not going to disappear easily. Please remember, if they say no, do not lose your temper, etc., just calmly go to your room and get upset there.

 

Whatever you do don't give up hope. They may change their minds when they've had a good think about it.

 

The most IMPORTANT thing is DO NOT RUN AWAY! This will only show them how immature you are.

 

Feel free to PM me any time.

 

Good luck and take care.

[appleberry]

"keeping your options open" does not necessarily mean "go and cheat on him" but more like "dont get TOO emotionally attached in case things don't work out and you have to go find someone else."

[Maybe A Cat]

Thanks agains Tigris. ^_^

 

And you know appleberry, I wouldn't have even bothered posting here if I wasn't already very close to him. Besides, I spent over 5 months before we got together as a couple trying to tell myself we could only be friends because of the distance and that if he knew I liked him, he might not want to be my friend anymore. Those 5 months nearly destroyed me because I wouldn't let the way I really felt come out; and to do that now would kill me.

[boudicca]

I have not had a relationship as far as an ocean but I have had one that was a distance far enough away throughout high school that I only saw him 4 times. And we are currently living with each other. Our relationship is rocky but we survive and thrive. We both love each other.

 

To my point though

 

Can you buy a calling card? For international calls? I know they are not too much where I live. Talking on the phone can REALLY help.

 

And I would recommend saving money, and if your parents would allow you to take holiday to Australia. Perhaps you could get enough to go at least once a year? Maybe twice if you paid for one trip and they paid for the other? Or even better your parents could pay for you to go meet him and his family and you could split the costs between you two to have him come out and meet you and your family?

 

It would be beneficial for him to go to your country to see if it is a place he'd even like living in! Not only to see if he likes you! Good luck to ya.

[Maybe A Cat]

Thanks so much. =3 We already have plans and ways to send money and combined were a little less than half way there, but we both know we can wait. =3

 

I didn't think of a calling card; I should try that... XD Thanks again so much boudicca! ^_^