Grandmother driving me insane! Help please!!!

[Protex]

Hey guys. It's me again, with yet another problem relating to my grandmother.

 

I am in the same relationship as I have been talking about before and things are going great.

 

My grandmother however is well, crazy. She HATES me GF's mother, for reasons that are really, really stupid and immature. She also warps whatever happens or whatever is said to her and uses it reasoning behind her hate for this woman.

 

Every night at my house I hear her nightly rant about how my GF's mother is a whore, how she's racist, how she has no respect for her; etc etc. It get's to the point where my grandmother tells me to break-up with my GF because her and the mother are not getting along. I won't ever do this though.

 

My grandmother talks to my GF and tells her things like 'Your mother is disrespecting myself and my house' etc etc. She argues constantly over and over.

 

I will be in my bed trying to sleep, and she will barge in and start her usual rant.

 

I try to ration, and tell her that if they don't get along to stay away from each other and my grandmother lashes out at me, swearing at me and calling me names. TElling me that I am taking her side. She seems to be convinced that my GF's mother is trying to 'take me over', which is so totally farfetch'd it's sickening.

 

I get in trouble and get scramed at just for not sharing my grandmother's opinions on my GF's mother.

 

I really hate this because my grandmother HAS taken a large toll on my relationship. My GF and I have persevered and gotten through it, but now it's getting to the point where both of us are completely drained.

 

Anything I say about my GF or her mother starts an argument.

 

I cannot take all the screaming. My grandmother is convinced that my GF's mother is 'putting her down' and etc etc.

 

My grandmother and her have gotten into arguments when she's called their house to see where I was, and said I was a stupid kid and such. My GF's mother than stood up for me and there was an argument.

 

The fighting is ripping me apart, I tell her to stay away and stop obsessing over my GF's mother but she won't, she has some sort of vendetta or something.

 

This is really stressful, every night that I do finally fall asleep; it's to the screaming and swearing directed at me for trying to keep things at peace.

[melrich]

Sorry if you have mentioned this in previous posts but you live with your grandmother? Are your parents around?

 

Anyway your grandmother sounds very irrational about all this and is putting up the walls when you try to talk to her about it.

 

I think you need to approach from a diferent angle. Do you know your grandmother's close friends or someone who she respects. Maybe you could explain to them your side of the story and get them to discuss it with your grandmother.

 

I can't think of much more to advise you. Just maybe she will listen to someone else.

[Protex]

Sorry if you have mentioned this in previous posts but you live with your grandmother? Are your parents around?

 

Anyway your grandmother sounds very irrational about all this and is putting up the walls when you try to talk to her about it.

 

I think you need to approach from a diferent angle. Do you know your grandmother's close friends or someone who she respects. Maybe you could explain to them your side of the story and get them to discuss it with your grandmother.

 

I can't think of much more to advise you. Just maybe she will listen to someone else.

 

I live with her, yes. And unfortunately, my parents are not around.

 

Her close friends even in this situation tell her to calm down, relax and be rational. When she hears this, she hangs up the phone and just blocks it out. She is on a rampage.

 

She is almost always an inch away from my face and screaming into it, it's taking all my restraint and good judgement to not just knock her out. (unfortunately, it has come to feelings of that)

 

I cannot go stay at a friends either because there aren't many friends that will take me in. And when I tried that awhile back she called the police and they made things even worse.

 

Argh, I'm trapped.

[ggoman]

I hate to ask this, but I think it's important to get this out just to be clear to the readers:

 

Has your girlfriend's mother actually done anything "bad"?

 

 

I'm not at all taking your grandmother's side. I'm only wondering if there actually was something (even if very small) that might have provoked your grandmother.

 

Also, try to think about your grandmother's psyche for a bit. Anything traumatic happen to her? Does she have any diagnosed mental problems?

Any serious family issues in the past (i.e. relationship issues between parents and your grandmother)? These I think are good things to think about. What you really want is to understand what could be making your grandmother act this way... this will better enable you to find a solution.

[Protex]

I hate to ask this, but I think it's important to get this out just to be clear to the readers:

 

Has your girlfriend's mother actually done anything "bad"?

 

 

I'm not at all taking your grandmother's side. I'm only wondering if there actually was something (even if very small) that might have provoked your grandmother.

 

Also, try to think about your grandmother's psyche for a bit. Anything traumatic happen to her? Does she have any diagnosed mental problems?

Any serious family issues in the past (i.e. relationship issues between parents and your grandmother)? These I think are good things to think about. What you really want is to understand what could be making your grandmother act this way... this will better enable you to find a solution.

 

Something about my GF's mother taking me to dinner and not contacting my grandmother to tell her where I was, and thus I disappeared for 7 hours or so. That's a huge form of 'disrespect'. The rest is just my GF's mother defending her daughter, defending our relationship and defending me.

 

Mental problems? She's probably senile(sp?). I don't know about traumatic experiences, well I know some. But nothing that justifies this kind of behaviour.

 

As for finding a solution, it is hopless until I have enough money to move out on my own. I feel so trapped and helpless.

[ggoman]

I am going to go with melrich's idea...

 

 

try to talk with one of your grandmother's friends whom you respect (hopefully there is such a person) and see if he/she can give you some insight as to why she might be acting the way she is. I still think that's important.

[CHINOOKA]

I am a crazy gramma and I think it would help if you find a way to reinforce the role she plays in your life, in a fun way, and then other people like your gf's mom will follow your lead and find ways to honor her. She will not be distressed if she doesn't feel threatened.