My dreams finally came true... why aren't things perfect?

[lookingforclosure5]

Well he did it. He came home, he finally came back to me. I have been praying for this to happen for a year and a half now. I stayed awake every night planning for his return to me. I love him so much it almost hurts... but now there is something missing. I love him, I can just feel it pouring out of me when i look at him or think of him. But the intimacy is gone. we used to be so close, so so close, and now there is a distance. He hasn't been back for that long... a month give or take a couple days. The first week he was home it was absolutely amazing, just being able to see him and touch him and know he was here in real life was more than I can even explain.

 

But now, we are in a rut. ALREADY in a rut... it feels like we are old friends, or family. There is love and trust but no passion. We used to have SO MUCH passion. Where did it go?? What do i do from here. I can't imagine leaving him or him leaving me again. I finally got him back! What can I do to get the passion back?

[melrich]

Why is he back? What were his reasons for leaving you and what are his reasons for coming back?

[lookingforclosure5]

He had a bit of a drug problem that I couldn't handle. He moved away to be with a friend of his that was also a doctor. We broke up then, he has been clean for over a year and has finally decided to return. Do you think it was the drugs that made him love me?

[melrich]

Do you think it was the drugs that made him love me?

 

No probably not. I do think when people get back together, especially after such a long time, it can be a let down. You have spent a long time thinking about teh other person and all the "what ifs" and the reality does not match the fantasy.

 

Have you mentioned how you are feeling to him? If not, that would be a good start.

[brando]

First, their is no perfect, so you may need to get that idea out of your head. If you dont then this reconciliation will not last.

 

Second, what have you done for yourself during the breakup?? What has he done for himself??

[DN]

It won't be the same as before - not for a while and maybe never. What you both have to work on is making it better. So talk to him about what is bothering you and ask him to work with you to make the relationship work. If you can both do that, the chances are that you will have an improved, but slightly different, relationship than before.

[lookingforclosure5]

I realize things will never be perfect. i was just looking for a catchy headline...

 

what have we done for ourselves? well the most important thing is he has become clean he is no longer using and hasn't been for over a year now.

 

We have both done a lot of soul searching as well. when he left he left saying he would never be back. of course i hoped and i prayed, but i never thought it would happen. i dated other men briefly but never found anyone that was ver compatible with my personality.

 

he has become closer to his family while being away, and came to the conclusion that he needed me back in his life. we have been talking again for the past few months and decided that it was right for him to come home. he moved back here a month ago and moved into my home with me.

 

it feels right, i just wish the spark was there.

[DN]

Give it time - if you love him and he loves you, then provided you work together to solve problems, all will be well.

[Aueft]

Do you think it was the drugs that made him love me?

 

No probably not. I do think when people get back together, especially after such a long time, it can be a let down. You have spent a long time thinking about teh other person and all the "what ifs" and the reality does not match the fantasy.

 

Have you mentioned how you are feeling to him? If not, that would be a good start.

 

Yes, exactly. You were thinking about him so much, you got yourself caught up in a fantasy about what it was going to be like, and what you wanted it to be like when he returned. What you were hoping it to be was perfect, and things are never perfect, so it was a let down.

[brando]

I read somewhere , on the internet i think that to help restore those sparks, is to remember what first attracted you to him...

 

I am happy you two are together again, i believe it is great. I hope you both find the love needed to sustain this relationship. SOmetimes reconciling isnt easy... but it can be done.

 

Try to recall those feelings you once had for him, i know it sounds lame, or simple, but the spark can be reignited...im not sure how to insruct anyone on doing so, since it seems so many just throw relationships away when the real work is needed to be done.

 

all the best to both of you.

 

B