SUICIDE.....

[steff]

last night, i took a giant step, and told my mum that I've had suicidal thoughts. we had a long discussion, and i red her my journal where I had talked about killing my self, and how I felt about it… she cried, and I cried, but she told me that she always feared that I would have those thoughts, she didn't know why, but she had a feeling because of things that I have gone through, that I would have them. But anyway, she told me shes going to get me some help, and that shes going to be with me the whole way. I wanted to tell you guys, because I know there are a lot of people in the same situation as me, and I want them to know that they can get through it.

[darkblue]

Thank you for proving that there is hope.

 

I'm glad you took that step and wish you all the best on what lies ahead.

[Jetta]

You really have a great mom, and I'm so glad you opened up to her. She can't help you if she doesn't know. Good luck!

[Beec]

I don't want this too sound weird, but that is really awesome. You have something that you need to take care of, imo, you saw that, you went to Mum, and she had as good a reaction as you could really ask for. Good luck. I am pulling for you and praying for you.

[Ebowski]

I am glad you are taking a step in the right direction. I just want you to know that whatever your problems are, there is always something better out there for you. It takes time for major life changes to occur and I hope you give it some serious thought.

[melrich]

Yes Steff, that is a great step. I am sure now that you have talked to your mom about it she will be a fantastic support to you. Stay in touch. we wish you all the best in everything.

[nothingontheinside]

that. is. awesome.

 

id never had the guts to tell her that. she had to find out from my school.

and then later the hospital. and my mom just didnt accept that her daughter could want to die. it is wonderful that ur mom is like, willing to help, and she listens. it is a real gift to have a good mom, embrace that. its also good that you told her cuz now u can get some good help. i'm sure your mind and soul is way too beautiful to diminish by suicide or death.

[Tigris]

I had suicidal thoughts a few years ago.

 

I was dealing with Fibromyalgia Syndrome (an illness) and depression. I had no support from my family at all. My parents and sisters didn't believe I was ill. They never visited me once! And they never phoned either! My husband was working away from home!

 

If it hadn't been for having my two dogs to look after (no children) I wouldn't be here today! I had already written the suicide letter and I'd planned to hang myself at the top of the stairs!

 

What stopped me was the thought of my two dogs starving to death!

 

Last year I discovered that all my life I've been doing a form of self harm and my parents hadn't realised it!

 

***My probem was I never felt loved! When this happens you stop loving yourself! That's why it was a long road back to recovery!

[steff]

thank you all for your support, it means so much to me, i know now that i will be able to get through this....

 

thanks

[darkblue]

We have every faith in you too, steff.

 

Take care and keep us posted.

[steff]

i went out last night with my brother, his girlfriend and my sister, we went out for my birthday, it was meant to be a great night to celebrate me turning 18 and everything... it turned out really horrible, with fighting, arguments and people stopping talking to other people... when i got home this morning, i felt so low, so horrible, and so bad, that i felt like i wanted to prove a point as to how much they should just get along, or something bad will happen, i had a thought to kill my self, as a revenge thing, i know it sounds horrible, but it was like, if i die, they might get along better...

 

these thoughts only come when im upset, or something bad has happened, and im scared that one day im going to be so sad, that I will just kill myself.

 

My brothers girlfriend was telling me about how one of her friends saw a guy step out in front of a train and killed him self when he got hit. My first thought, was, "that will be a quick and easy way to die" I didn't eve mean it… it just came into my head….

 

What scares me as well, is that when im driving with my mum, I get urges to speed up and slam into a tree… the only thing that stops me, was that I had someone else in the car. I'm going for my p plates tomorrow morning, and im worried that now that I am able to drive my own car, I might actually just drive into a tree and kill myself… im worried that will happened.

 

Not so long ago, I brought into my room, a large bottle of water, and a packet of 30 strongest pain killers available, from when my dad had an operation… I was going to take them that night, and I don't know what stopped me… but when I woke up, and was alive, I cried so much, I wasn't meant to be here…

 

Help me!

[avman]

Hi Steff,

 

I know it is very difficult for you right now. Please hang in there. Your mom is going to work to get you some help. She loves you and would never want anything to happen to you.

 

Can you tell your mom about what happened last night? She knows you are having these feelings and I'm pretty sure she'd want you to talk about them to her.

 

There are so many of us that have been in your position. Wanting to die, willing to do anything to ease the pain. But we made it and we want you to make it too.

[Beec]

Steff you didn't take the pills because you are meant to be here.

 

This is not going to be easy, but you talked to your mother because you want to be here. You want to be here, and you want to be able to better handle the things you deals with in life. Teach people how to deal with their feelings and respect the feelings fo others, etc. Show them how to get along. You have shown that you want to do it and learn to do it better, both with yourself and others. Your example will be seen by someone.

[pumkin_fairy]

I'm glad that you are going to get help because that is important!!

you are lucky to have such a gfreat caring mom!!

 

jen

 

xxx

[steff]

for a couple of years, my sister has been coursing alot of trouble for my family, u know, telling people that shes been raped (when she hasnt) that she gets bashed up by family (which she doesnt) and just generally saying some really horrible things about the family. she doesnt value the family and doesnt give a dam.

 

also yesterday i had had fights with friends. unfortunalety last night i was really down, i wrote a suicide note for mum with my will in it, and a note to james telling him i loved him and only wanted him to trust me... i said goodnight to mum, and although i felt like i kept in controll, she saw something was wrong, ran into my room and found to two notes on my bed side table, i had the tablets in my hand. i was ready, she stopped me... i feel horrible making her watch me all the time, but i just felt that if i die, my sister would realise how much family is important, and my friends realise that they shouldnt fight...

 

i feel so bad now

[Beec]

Steff,

 

Your sister probably does these things because she wants someone's or a number of people's attention. You so much as admit that what you were contemplating was to get her attention. Maybe you shoud jut find a way to talk to her.

 

Your Mom knows and its clear she wants to help. Get help and do it now.

[HoldMeTightly]

i cried when i your second post. no one on this enotalone thing knows much of anything about me yet, but i cried. hard. and i had to calm down before i could post this. i read that post maybe an hour ago. my cheeks are still wet. i guess it just hit too close to home.

steff, you are loved so much. you have a mother you could go to and talk to about this, so many people don't even have that! i know life is hard and being young is hard too but dont you see that you didn't take the pills for a reason? you are meant to be here and you are meant to do something great! you are meant ot be remembered for something amazing you will do in a few years when the light comes out from behind the clouds, not when the light shines at the end of the tunnel!

try to be brave and take deep breaths before doing anything drastic (they help i swear!) and think things through. people on here are here for you and they don't even know you!

sorry i got a little... overly... overwhelmed or whatever there!